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"Paris" So Good It Makes Paris Cry

8/22/2006 9:20 AM PDT BY TMZ STAFF

Hot on the heels of K-Fed's not-so-spectacular musical debut, Paris Hilton's new album – "Paris" – finally drops today, though you might have been excused for thinking it's been out all summer.

And the lodging heiress isn't shy about how she thinks her maiden voyage turned out: "I, like, cry, when I listen to it, it's so good."



She tells Blender magazine that she fears the public will unfairly denigrate her musical stylings just because she's, you know, an incredibly rich socialite whose life is a perpetual cascade of jewelry, parties, rich men, and media exposure. "I think when people don't know it's me, they won't judge it," explains Paris. "But if they know it's me, then they'll be like, 'Ugh.' They won't even dance." In fact, they are dancing: the first single, "Stars Are Blind," has already shot to the top of the Billboard dance music chart.

But Paris just wants everyone to know that you're not getting the real Paris when you see her out and about: "I don't act like myself in public, because I don't really want to show everyone the real me. Because I have no privacy whatsoever, the only thing I have is who I really am." While you all mull over that...

K-Fed Hearing the Hate from Hip-Hop

He came, he rapped, he...fell flat on his face. Kevin Federline's long-awaited performance at the Teen Choice Awards Sunday got the thumbs down in a very big way yesterday, and not just from casual observers.

The musical community heaved a collective sigh of puzzlement and indifference. Elliot Wilson, editor-in-chief of XXL magazine, said that Federline's "a joke, basically. I just don't think he gets it. He doesn't get that he's Britney's man and it's hard to take him seriously." Rapper Sean Paul told one reporter that he expected more dancing from him, and Rollingstone.com panned K-Fed's performance, saying the awkward raps were bad "not in an interesting make-fun-able way, just in a boring, tedious, somebody-please-intervene kind of way."

Jermaine Hall, executive editor of King magazine, at least offered some advice to K-Fed, saying that he should cater to teenage girls: "Keep it clubby, keep it hoppy, keep it happy."

Lindsay's Dad's Mild Screed from the Slammer

While he serves time for DUI and contempt of court, among other things, Michael "Lindsay's Dad" Lohan has taken time to weigh in on various topics, presenting Lloyd Grove with an artistic representation of his life, and detailing his musings in a handwritten letter penned at a correctional facility outside Buffalo. Reflecting a world view chastened by his run-ins with the law, Lohan doesn't get very provocative in his musings.

For instance, unlike Lindsay's mom Dina, who blasted Hollywood producer James Robinson for publicly criticizing their daughter's work habits on the set of her latest film, Michael Lohan says he "is a respectable man, and I'm sure he felt it as his obligation." Lohan also appears to like Lindsay's new suitor Harry Morton: "My friends in Vegas only have good things to say about him and his family." And even Brandon Davis, who has relentlessly mocked his daughter and her anatomy, gets mercy: "I am happy that God gave me a new way of looking at, and pitying, people like Brandon."

Did Pete Doherty Miss His Own Wedding?

Supermodel Kate Moss flew 14 of her close friends down to Bali last weekend, inciting speculation that she intended to get married to rocker Pete Doherty. But there was only one problem: Doherty had to stick around London to get treatment at the Priory Clinic as part of a court-ordered punishment for a drug arrest.

As Ben Widdicombe tells it, Moss and her lawyers attempted to find a way for Doherty to get out to Indonesia, but their efforts were fruitless. "[Kate] is in a terrible state," one source in London's Daily Express says. "When she flew to Bali, she was ecstatic and told friends there was going to be a ceremony."

Goodie Bag: Diddy to Welcome Another Little Puff, Gyllenhaal to Play Lance, and SNL Lineup to Change.

P. Diddy and his longtime girlfriend, Kim Porter, are expecting their second child together, and Puffy's third, in the not-too-distant future. According to PEOPLE, the couple is "thrilled about the news," and will add to their brood, which includes 8-year-old Christian and 12-year-old Justin, who is Diddy's son with Misa Hylton-Brim . . . Jake Gyllenhaal, according to sources cited by Ben Widdicombe, will be playing Lance Armstrong in a biopic. Lance BFF Matthew McConaughey was said to be a contender for the role, but Jake has won out . . . Four cast members of Saturday Night Live are getting the axe, says the New York Post, though it doesn't reveal which ones. Meanwhile, Seth Meyers is expected to take over from Tina Fey as head writer, and Amy Poehler will continue at the "Weekend Update" desk. Darrell Hammond and Andy Samberg will be back.
69 COMMENTS

No Avatar
1.

anon    

Well, Paris makes me cry as well

2952 days ago
2.

cj    

hey loosecrotch- your album sucks, and i am so sick of you, why cant you just go away

2952 days ago
3.

ray allen    

paris can sing to me (in the shower)

2952 days ago
4.

D&G    

There's an idea, Kfed catering to dumb, impressionable teenage girls. An endless supply of future babymamas.

I refuse to comment on Paris - DONT CARE dont want to hear it

2952 days ago
5.

Char    

Paris dear:

Do you really cry? Or do you "LIKE" cry?
Come on now, show us you actually went to school and you have grown into a woman and have some form of brain matter. Please stop using the word "LIKE"

2952 days ago
6.

BurnParisBurn    

Ahhh Paris..... she just doesn't get it, huh? Neither does K-Fed, it seems. I think Britney should dump K-Fed and Paris should hook-up with him.... now that's marriage made in Hollywood..... they could even do a duet together......

2952 days ago
7.

trish    

How the hell did STANKCROTCH get on the Billboard charts?

2952 days ago
8.

ONE WHO KNOWS    

My take on Paris-ite Hellton's song:

" I like, cry hysterically when I listen to it, it's so HORRIFIC!"

Hey, Paris! Why don't you do something with your money that doesn't entail YOU???!!!
Take a cue from Angelina and Brad--go to a Third World country and do something GOOD for a change.
That video of you and Brandon Davis saying mean things about Lindsey Lohan shows you in a very bad light. You are full of evil and nastiness and you are a waste of oxygen in this World!! Poor Tinkerbell, poor other dog and the exotic animal you should no longer have because the government told you to get rid of it, since it is ILLEGAL to have one of those animals!
You are someone not to admire, but to pity. But people can't even do that because they feel you have no right to be on EARTH!
No one will buy your CD, so I guess you will have to buy them yourself to give away as presents. That is the only way you will ever make the Billboard charts. So, better open that wallet!
P.S. I've seen your eyes and they are empty--like you have no soul. Scary to look at. Poor Niarchos

2952 days ago
9.

Rye    

STARS ARE BLIND IF THEY ARE SHINING ON YOU. YOUR SONG IS ALRIGHT, IT'S CATCHY, BUT COME ON WE ALL KNOW THAT YOU'VE BEEN DOCTORED UP IN THE STUDIO. i BET YOU'RE GOING TO SOUND TERRIBLE SINGING LIVE. YOU'D PROBABLY HAVE TO DO THE BRITNEY THING, LIPSYNCING!!!!!
YOU COULD'VE MADE A BETTER VIDEO TOO, I MEAN IT'S NOTHING WE HAVE'NT SEEN BEFORE, YOU POSING FOR THE CAMERA. WE'VE SEEN EVERY POSE, IT'S ALL THE SAME. YOU NEED TO COME UP WITH SOMETHING NEW, QUICK!!! OH, WAIT I THINK SHE IS TRYING , BY LYING AND SAYING SHE'S GOING TO BE CELIBATE. THAT IS SOOO FUNNY. GOOD ONE PARIS!!

2952 days ago
10.

Phyllis Abston    

I can not believe what comes out of this little girls mouth, once again. The most intelligent thing I have ever heard her say, is the fact that if people know it is her they will go ugh........yes, Paris, the way you treat people may just affect your CD sales. First of all, I am sure the lack of talent will be the first problem with the sales. Just like the fact that money can't buy you class, it can't buy you talent either. The guy, what ever his name is, who produced your CD, had to have known it was going to be a flop or he wouldn't have taken a big risk for bad publicity, being seen with you and beiing involved in another LL insult. Anyone, with any business sense, knows that bad publicity can ruin chances of success. I figure with all of your money, you will run out today.......excuse me....pay some people to run out and buy an excessive amount of your CD's to make it look like it was really hot. Everyone who gets a Christmas present from you, may as well expect a copy or 2 in their stockings from you. Another good idea.....put them in all of the gift baskets for the award shows. That should take care of a few of them. You are so full of yourself, that someday, your day will come. If you didn't have the money, that you never truly earned, you would be exactly what you truly are...................a thoughtless, brainless nobody.........the only difference is that you would be broke. You are almost as disgusting as Osma Bin Ladan.........the only difference is that you haven't murdered anyone yet..........not physically anyway. I worked in a psychiatric ward for years and the only people I saw that were as narcisstic as you, were psychopathic disorders. I would venture to say your diagnosis would be narcisstic borderline personality disorder.........does anyone agree? Once again I would like to know if your parents are proud of you and if so......why?

2952 days ago
11.

Michael    

Paris you are blessed in so many ways so ignore the critics. I would love to trade you something rare for an autographed album.

2952 days ago
12.

Kitten    

Paris on top of the Billboard chart? I smell a payola scandal somewhere. The song SUCKS. Badly. Just like she does.

2952 days ago
13.

The Jerz    

The LA Times gave this trainwreck 1.5 stars out of 4. It was a male reviewer. He said she sounds worse than Betty Boop. News flash: you're baby voice is NOT SEXY!!!!!!!!!

2952 days ago
14.

Jeanette    

K-Fed....here's an idea! Why not let Britney take care of the limelight part of the marriage ok??? Its hers-its just an accident people even know who you are. And as far as "making something of yourself" by launching a record company- heres an idea use that black amex for and E-D-U-C-A-T-I-O-N. How do you expect to run a company without having one of those? Is the problem that you would actually would have to work for that and Britney couldnt help you???

I am SICK of losers like you thinking they are role models for MY kids just because you happened into some money and have your mug up in the camera all the time!!

2952 days ago
15.

CYN    

OK, Paris:

I heard the album and it also made me cry, but probably not in the same way. I just couldn't find the mute button fast enough. Honey, apparently money can buy you anything huh? Well obviously, it bought you studio time, great and awesome computer voice overs, and much much more! Sad! Which bring me to KFed!

KFed: What a waste of studio time, waste of beats, waste of everything. I saw the awards and was not impressed at all! (Actually, Britney looked adorable), but KFed, watching him most of the time promoting his record label, grabing his jewels (all of them) and just bragging about his money, cars, etc. was just hilarious! Piece of "White Trash" I say it loudly! Geez, I just cant wait till Eminem get a hold of this retart! Most of his album will be bought by Britbey for the baby to play ring toss!

Diddy: Wow, congratulations, you guys deserve to be happy. Like myself, you gotta stick next to your man and support him in everyway possible and that is what Kim did (so I read). Much luck, love and happiness (GOD BLESS)

Lohans: No Comment

Doherty: Kate, darling, you deserve to get hurt, obviously you dont care about your reputation, your career or anything else to consider marrying this crackhead. Honey he is not worth losing everything they gave back to you! Leave his ass where he is at! I would!

2952 days ago
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