Lisa Rinna is Voting For the Stars

16. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz, RETARD, my hillbilly love child, the first rule of comedy is not to overkill the audience. There were a few weak chuckles in your posts, but you ramble on and on. Also, you are biting from previous LIVEWIRE posts, so be ORIGINAL my mongoloid son. Let LIVEWIRE, THE TMZ SUPERSTAR, show you how it's done:

LIVEWIRE MEETS HIS HILLBILLY LOVE CHILD, the RETARD from DELIVERANCE

After 16 years, LIVEWIRE returns to the hills of West Virginia to meet his son, the RETARD from DELIVERANCE...

LIVEWIRE- (driving up the the shack of a home, surroundings littered with empty beer cans of Natural Light, and used condoms) Oh boy, this brings back memories! What a night that was! Traveling through this hillbilly town on the way to South Beach and picking up RETARD's mom hitchhiking...she was kinda ugly but I was drunk and horny...(sees RETARD playing banjo on the porch) Sh*t, is THAT thing my son?

RETARD- MAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! DADDY LIVEWIRE IS HERE! DADDY LIVEWIRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEE! (jumping up and down like a complete RETARD)

MAMA RETARD- (SCREAMING from inside the shack) SHUT YO TRAP BOY! LIVEWIRE's good loving may have left me blind but not deaf!

LIVEWIRE- (with a look of horror and disgust on his face) F**K THIS! I'm outta here! (turns Porsche around, throws a briefcase filled with "charity" money for his son, and speeds down the hill)

Out walks MAMA RETARD from outta the shack, blind, fat, toothless, warts and a wig, stinkin' of moonshine. RETARD runs over to briefcase and opens it...

MAMA RETARD- YOU PIECE O SH*T! THE ONLY MAN I ever loved has driven off! YOU SCARED HIM AWAY! Just like you do my johns!

RETARD- MONNEYYYYYYYY! YAY YAY YAY! DADDY left me money!!!

MAMA RETARD- HELL YEAH! Son, we could buy that trailer we always wanted!!! I could stop hooking for a while as well!!!! Go out and get us catch us some possum son, WE CELEBRATIN'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

RETARD- (sniffling) I want daddy though!!!!!!!! I'm gonna find him if it's the last thing I do....... (scene fades with RETARD looking angry and determined)

FIN

Posted at 4:40PM on Sep 28th 2006 by LIVEWIRE

17. The RETARD from DELIVERANCE Confronts LIVEWIRE

LIVEWIRE is relaxing, suntanning out on his multilevel patio in the hills of Los Angeles. By his side are girlfriends Salma Hayek and Carmen Electra.

LIVEWIRE- Y'know girls, you wore ol' LIVEWIRE out last night! Especially Carmen! Your BJ skills are up to par with an old conquest of LIVEWIRE in the hills of West Virginia... LIVEWIRE had thought she had bore LIVEWIRE his only RETARD son...

Salma & Carmen- TELL US MORE LIVEWIRE!!!!!

LIVEWIRE- THE TMZ SUPERSTAR made a return trip to see this supposed long lost hillbilly son after 16 years, and LIVEWIRE was disappointed to say the least...

Salma- my poor PAPI! (in the background, the sound of dueling banjos gets louder and louder)

Salma and Carmen- LIVEWIRE, let's make love again!!!!!!

LIVEWIRE- SHHHHHH, you ho's, LIVEWIRE hears somethin' (dueling banjos louder)

The RETARD from DELIVERANCE jumps over a side fence leading into LIVEWIRE's patio....

RETARD- DADDY! I FOUND you!!!!!!!! YYYYYAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYY!!! (drops banjo and claps hands together like the RETARD that he is...)

Salma and Carmen- Gross! He's UGLY and he smells!

LIVEWIRE- Takes after his mom girls! (jumps up) RETARD, what are you doing here?! LIVEWIRE gave you a million bucks so you could live an easy life, LIVEWIRE want nuthin' to do with you...

RETARD- Daddy LIVEWIRE, you left me!!! I want a daddy. MAMA RETARD has a different man home every night and I hate it! I LOVE you papa! Give me a hug!!!!

LIVEWIRE- (BITCHSLAPS RETARD) LIVEWIRE has had it! LIVEWIRE has a secret to reveal!!!! When LIVEWIRE went to reunite with you, you seemed so stupid, LIVEWIRE figured you couldn't be his son! LIVEWIRE had to find out for sure! So, one of the men who came over to have sex with your mom recently was really a private investigator- he found the condom used 16 years ago with a hole in it in your mom's bedroom, took it to the lab, and determined- LIVEWIRE IS NOT YOUR FATHER!

RETARD- ohhh who is????

LIVEWIRE- the prez of the US of A, dumb f**k GEORGE BUSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

STUNNED SILENCE......

Posted at 6:21PM on Sep 28th 2006 by LIVEWIRE

18. LOL! LIVEWIRE YOUR KILLING ME!

Posted at 6:42PM on Sep 28th 2006 by GUS

19. THANK YOU I'M HERE ALL WEEK!!!!!

DONT FOR TO TIP YOUR WAITRESS AND BARTENDERS....

DONT DRINK AND DRIVE.........................................

HAIL TO THE CHIEF PLAYS OVER THE LOUD SPEAKER................

Posted at 7:25PM on Sep 28th 2006 by The Retard from Deliverance

20. LOOKIN FOR DADDY CHIMP BUSH

In the shocking conclusion of our last episode, the RETARD from DELIVERANCE discovers that LIVEWIRE is NOT his father- his REAL father is none other than the President of the United States, George "CHIMP" Bush.
We now join Bush, on vacation (AGAIN), at his Crawford Texas ranch, cutting some trees on his ranch with a chainsaw...

CHIMP- (sound of chainsaw cutting tree, Bush has a 10 gallon cowboy hat on with t-shirt on that says "MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!" Dum di dum, I am the prez! I am the WAR prez! Sum people think i'm dumb, but I am smart! I'm not dumb!

The sound of dueling banjos grows louder and louder......

CHIMP- HEEEEHAWWW! What's that music? Love it! Laura musta got a new CD! HHHEEEHAWWWWW! (drops the chainsaw and starts dancing country style, like Ashlee Simpson on SNL)

Suddenly, the RETARD from DELIVERANCE appears from behind a tree...

RETARD- PAPA! It's you! You dance the same way I dance!!!! YAYYYYYYY! Sum people think i'm dumb, but I am smart! I'm not dumb!

CHIMP- YOU ARE MY SON!!!! (they embrace) Hey, ya like to watch The Beverly Hillbillies? I've got the whole collection on DVD!!!!

RETARD- HELLLL YEAHHHHHHH! (claps has hands together like the RETARD that he is)

CHIMP- HELLLL YEAHHHHHHH! (claps has hands together like the RETARD that he is)

They walk off into the sunset, while the world goes to hell..........

FIN

LIVEWIRE, THE ORIGINAL TMZ SUPERSTAR- no one makes ya laugh more!

Often imitated but never duplicated..........

Posted at 7:40PM on Sep 28th 2006 by LIVEWIRE

21. It look like a duel between livewire and retard poor lisa no one cares about her. livewire gets points on creativity the retard is a one note joke, saying the same thing over and over- you both need a life but livewire wins!

Posted at 7:45PM on Sep 28th 2006 by Wow

22. Funny, Bush and his son are both retards! he he he go Livewire!

Posted at 7:48PM on Sep 28th 2006 by Karen

23. Hey George, your son Retard is taking care of me under the desk as we speak!

Posted at 7:55PM on Sep 28th 2006 by Bill Clinton

24. Yeah, but the way I see it America is still OK..
We break necks and collect checks on a daily basis..
Big Bad Bush is not afraid to assert global dominance....
So I guess my team wins after all......

War is a powerful reminder of just how great this country is........

Ride it till the wheels come off cowboy... yeeeee hawwwwwww.

At least I am not the guy staring down the end of a weapon........

Newport Beach might not be the best place on earth, but it sure beats the sewer that those animals are living in...

Drinks on me at the John Wayne Country Club this Sunday guys.....
Ill be the one playin the Banjo... (and the crowd goes wild)

Posted at 8:30PM on Sep 28th 2006 by The Retard from Deliverance

25. And the winner, by unanimous decision, and still TMZ BITCHSLAPPIN' CHAMPION.......

LIVEWIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love Lisa Rinna btw, she was so good on DWTS!

Posted at 11:15PM on Sep 28th 2006 by Diana Portz

26. WRONG............//// WRONG..............................////

The real winner is W... Bagdad bashing, Bin ladin Breakin BUSH BABY
HE WON THE ELECTION TWICE.............
HE WON TWO WARS...............

HE WON THE WHOLE GLOBAL SHOOTING MATCH........

HAIL TO HE CHIEF..You worthless cum dumpster.. HAIL TO HE CHIEF

Posted at 7:07AM on Sep 29th 2006 by Boy Roy

27. YO that s%*t was crazy....
What the f*(k was that..

the dude LIVEWIRE is crazy....

but the other guy is way funnier, how can you say the one dude won..
he got smoked by the retard..

Posted at 7:08AM on Sep 29th 2006 by Jung77

28. What the hell are people posting about? I thought the topic was Rinna? Oh, well, my moneys on Livewire!

Posted at 10:17AM on Sep 29th 2006 by SPANKY

29. Only on tmz will you find posts on a man who has a threesome with 2 celebrities, disputes the paternity of a banjo playing mentally disabled person (who was tossed a million dollars as charity), all the while discovering that the retard is actually the son of Bush. The story ends with Bush meeting his disabled son and walking off into the Texas sunset. You should be writing for Conan! Only on tmz!

Posted at 10:58AM on Sep 29th 2006 by Gloria

30. LIVEWIRE is your champion!

Posted at 11:26AM on Sep 29th 2006 by LIVEWIRE