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This Week's Biggest Losers 09/30/06

9/30/2006 7:00 AM PDT BY TMZ STAFF

When Screech stars in a sex tape and his Saved by the Bell co-star Mario López appears on Dancing with the Stars, rather than the other way around, it would seem to confirm that things in the celebrity world often don't make sense. But thankfully for this weekly column, they are not alone.

anna nicole smithAnna Nicole Smith:
It's hard to believe that, during this difficult time, Anna Nicole could be part of something more offensive than her new sci-fi comedy Illegal Aliens, in which she co-stars with Joanie Laurer (sample line of AN dialogue: "Who do I have to screw to get off of this movie?"). But by marrying her attorney Howard K. Stern only 18 days after the death of her son, with some pink bikini frolicking reportedly thrown in for good measure, the 38-year-old bride proved that the third time was anything but the charm. Over the years, her surgically enhanced breast size has hovered between 36A and 42DD, but what she really seems to need now is a brain implant.



mel gibsonMel Gibson:
Talk about adding insult to injury. In his wildest nightmares, beleaguered A-lister Gibson could never have imagined that when time finally came for someone else to portray him, that someone else would be Chevy Chase. That's right; Chase is Mel Gibson, and you're not. It's all thanks to plans by Dick Wolf and co. to howl at Moonshadows on an upcoming episode of Law & Order, which began shooting this week with a cockeyed Chevy standing in for Mad Mel. ABC canceled his holocaust project; NBC is cooking up some Flaw & Anger. What's next? A "very special episode" of Two and a Half Men?

Ray Liotta:
On the heels of an interview with Entertainment Weekly in which he badmouthed his new CBS show Smith, the actor has scored a troubling trifecta. He checked in at #10 on Swanni's HD Horribles list, a TV website compilation of stars who don't look so good in high-def; the buzz grew stronger that Martin Scorsese's The Departed may be a more viscerally compelling gangster movie than Goodfellas; and German director Uwe Boll fought for Liotta's honor in a Vancouver boxing ring by pummeling four movie critics. Liotta, you see, stars in Boll's next videogame-inspired flick, In the Name of the King, alongside #6 HD Horribles honoree Burt Reynolds.

elton john Elton John: Goodbye Yellow Brick Road, hello yellow brick load. After telling Rolling Stone a few weeks ago that he wanted to get into hip hop, the currently touring Sir John ruined another perfectly good interview – this time with Access Hollywood - by tap dancing around the sexuality of the man Perez Hilton likes to call "The Gayken." Seriously, John can freely badmouth fellow pop queen Madonna but he can't comment on the stripes of a potential Team member? Our advice to Elton: kill two birds with one stone by skipping straight past the rap aspirations to a Christmas duet with Clay.

Naomi Campbell:
Maybe if this supermodel kept her cell phone within closer reach, she could have called a bailiff at the Manhattan Criminal Courts and let them know she wasn't going to be able to make this week's court date. Evidently, no one told Project Train Wreck that standing up a judge can have slightly more serious ramifications than blowing off a preening photographer. Campbell barely escaped a bench warrant, but it's getting old, girl. Flip a coin between Oprah and Tyra, apologize to middle America for your actions, and move on.

61 COMMENTS

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1.

anon    

its all very fishy that she would get married so soon-----what about mourning?
hmmm- I think they should investigate more ALOT MORE

2853 days ago
2.

anon    

Naomi--PURE TRASH

2853 days ago
3.

Leno is garbage    

lol lowtax from somethingawful.com got his ass kicked by Uwe Boll

2852 days ago
4.

kizzle    

i like naomi campells shirt

2852 days ago
5.

pat    

It was all a legal manuever to ensure Smith was the legal father of her baby.

2852 days ago
6.

Alyn Brodsky    

Anna Nicole Smith is either the rottenest mother on the planet or a certifiable lunatic. At any rate, she's utter trash, and belongs in a cage. And Naomi Campbell should join her there. How anyone can like, let alone admire this pair is to me a profound mystery. Two pieces of nasty sh*t whose only contribution to the human condition is to pollute it..

2852 days ago
7.

marianne.    

what she needs is a heart implant, you don't need to be brainy if you got a good heart. having lost my own child, I'll let you know that it took two years to do ANYTHING but care for the rest of my family, work (after a few months of therapy), and go o the grocery store! Christmas parties, vacations, nothing could get me out of it so i just didn't go. her "lawyer" gave out a report a week or two after the boy's death stating that she was "moving on". Moving on! we've all known for a long time that she's a scandalous piece of trash, now she has just proven it beyond redemption. I feel very, very sorry for her daughter!

2852 days ago
8.

h    

Something's definitely not right with the story of her late son. Things will surface soon engouh---the truth always has a way of coming out one way or the other!
I'm wondering if Anna was the one taking the methadone because she became pregnant and had to quit the drug use "cold turkey". Her lawyer friend looked totally dazed and emotionless on the Larry King show....hmmmmmmm???
I still can't get over how amazing Anna looked after gaining all that weight and having all that cellulite! Like I REALLY believe that Trim Spa did it--yeah, right! She was out of the lime light for a good amount of time and then she pops up slimmer, and then in a tiny bikini, and no "left overs" --even seemed to have "cut" abs, after losing the amount of weight that she did--very curious in deed! Ever heard about the procedure called "Abdominal etching"?
I bet she got all the procedures out of the country---nipped, tucked, tightened, pulled, pinched, sucked and plucked! You KNOW she didn't bust her butt with actual exercise--she could barely muster up the energy to talk in full sentences have the time!

2852 days ago
9.

phantomspots    

I think everyone needs to lay off Anna Nicole. She seems to be in an extreme case of crazy-induced denial. She's already eccentric, to say the least, and it wouldn't be that far fetched to see her dealing with so much grief by going haywire and doing something that seems completely inappropriate. It's an escape mechanism, but besides that, maybe this guy will give her the support she needs. Or maybe I'm just gullible.

2852 days ago
10.

Michele    

Leave it to Anna Nicole to turn the death of her son into a circus. That poor kid. I am just glad he is not around to see his pathetic piece of sh*t of a mother he had. We are going on three weeks, and that innocent baby is still laying in some morgue. She does not even have the decency to give him a proper burial. I still say she will dress up in something ridiculous and probably whip out one of her fake tits and breast feed Howard's or however's kid in front of Daniel's coffin. I just pray she does not wear the wedding dress she wore to the old man's wake.

That broad need serious serious professional help. She was right on one thing though, it should have been her instead of Daniel.

Daniel, you are in a much better place. You will finally have a normal life.

2852 days ago
11.

heather    

leave anna alone if getting married will make her happy, then i say i am happy for her..she loved her son very much..

2852 days ago
12.

GiGi    

Do you believe everything you read? Unbelievable haters on this site. Everytime I read it, all it is is HATING...
Jealous hating....

2852 days ago
13.

Tracey    

How dare any of us judge her? Anna has always been Anna. Knowing how OFF she *NORMALLY* is, I cannot imagine how blitzed out of her mind she probably is at this time. People react different ways to stress. This woman has been teetering on the edge of sanity for a very, very long time. I would not be the least surprised if this event finally BROKE her emotionally.

I won't get into details, but I will say that I have seen it FIRST HAND where a family member was borderline unstable, and a significant traumatic event broke her to the point that she is now functionally psychotic. She looks normal, but the way she "remembers and interprets" events is now colorful, to say the least. That person is my mom, and it's a horrible thing to witness someone have a permanent nervous breakdown. No one knows whether or not Anna has fully snapped or if they have her sedated so much that she's fried like a cracker.

2852 days ago
14.

Jinxy Cat    

I don't really know what to make of this!!

Perhaps Anna is so grief stricken, and she's completely out of touch with reality after what happened, this behavior is pretty wacky..even tho' she's always been wacky, This is too much...It's like she's in denial and living in a dream world? I don't know??....

2852 days ago
15.

Missy    

I tend to think that those who are judging her for her actions have never been in such an emotionally crippling situation, or maybe you have and you are just heartless....don't know. She gave birth to a child and 2 DAYS (I think it was two, maybe 3) later her son is dead. How on earth does someone deal with that? I'll tell you how...denial. There is no way emotionally someone could deal with a blow like that all at once...ESPECIALLY when she has this tiny new life that needs her to be there. Is she supposed to remain depressed and grief stricken so that she can ruin her new baby's first years? Or does she try to somehow be positive and deal with the pain as slowly as possible so that her child can have a real mother? Perhaps something hopeful (like a weddding) is what she needed to try and muddle through such a horendous occurance. Either way...you all need to give her a break. It's so tacky to be so judgemental of someone that has been through such a horrible experience. Where's your compassion?

2852 days ago
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