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"Lost" Diary -- Not in Portland

2/8/2007 1:46 PM PST BY TMZ STAFF

Daniel from TMZ here, welcome back to the "Lost" Diary. Did you miss me? More importantly, did you miss "Lost?"

Flashback to Tuesday afternoon, 2:00 PM. My co-worker, Evan, asked me, "Do you know what happens in 24 hours?" "No," I said. "It'll be eight hours until 'Lost.'"

"Lost" is back, baby!

For all you "Lost" Diary newbies, here's how it goes. I gather with a group of friends watching "Lost," writing what happens on the show as it happens, and throwing in my two cents along the way.

I'm gathered tonight with Ari (our host), Lauren (the "Lost" Nazi), and Matt (no clever title). Let's roll:

10:00 -- We open with Juliet crying on the beach. Lauren immediately says, "I don't want to see a backstory on this bitch." Nice. Juliet then heads into one of the bunkers, passing Ethan in the hall, to check on a patient (played by Robin Weigert from "Deadwood"). I am guessing she has that strange island illness.



10:02 -- "Are you saying that because you don't think it's going to work, or because you're afraid he'll find out." -- Juliet's sister, Rachel. "He" is probably Henry Gale.

Note: a few "Lost" rules:

1. I always call Ben by his "real" name: Henry Gale. It just sounds cooler.
2. Juliet is evil. Evil, evil, evil.
3. The day after the episode where Charlie dies, party at my house.

10:03 -- Whoa, they're not on the island at all -- it's Miami. I already love this episode.

10:04 -- Back to the present, and Jack is yelling at Kate again. Run!!! Sawyer and Kate hand out a little ass-beating before they leave. Seems only fair.

10:05 -- It's Jack vs. Juliet in the operating room, and she is already acting like the evil woman I know she is. "If you have to, kill them!" she says.

10:07 -- The difference between past Juliet and present Juliet? Past Juliet has terrible hair. And somehow she looks older; like a cross between Bonnie Raitt and Kyra Sedgwick.

10:08 -- Her last name is Burke, she steals drugs, and she used to be married to the bad guy from season one of "24."

10:10 -- Jack just told Mr. Friendly about how Juliet asked him to kill Henry Gale. Nice play. I liked Mr. Friendly better when he had the fake beard.

10:12 -- A gunfight has broken out between the Others and Kate and Sawyer. "Lost" isn't really a gunfight kind of show.

10:13 -- Sawyer just ran out of bullets, which is good. I hate when movies and television shows have guys just firing shots and never having to reload -- that's not realistic. Of course, this show has a black smoke monster, and that's not realistic either. I digress.

10:14 -- Alex saves the day with her trusty slingshot, drawing laughs from the room. Dennis the Menace would be proud.

10:15 -- Henry Gale is awake, barely, and he spoke two very simple sentences, and yet completely freaked the hell out of me. Who's better than Henry Gale? Is it wrong that I am rooting for him?

10:18 -- Whatever Juliet is doing with her sister, her ex is on to it. What is she doing exactly? That is the question.

10:20 -- The fact that Ben is awake seems to have put the fear of God in Juliet. Worth noting.

10:22 -- OK, seriously, Henry Gale is strapped down to a table, in the middle of a spinal surgery and apparently 40 minutes from death, and I am still scared every time he comes on screen. "One gentleman to another," he tells Jack. Ahhhh!!!!! He scares the HELL out of me.

10:23 -- What are Henry and Juliet talking about? Watching them talk, without being able to hear what they are saying, is incredibly creepy. And it's really only this creepy because it's them.

10:24 -- "I'm Tom, by the way." -- Mr. Friendly. Great line. "They've got history," he says. I'd love to know what he means by that.

10:25 -- So Juliet is going to help Sawyer and Kate escape. Should be interesting.

10:28 -- Juliet is being wooed for some kind of job in Portland. And apparently she can impregnate male mice. We all have talents.

10:30 -- Juliet just discovered Alex is helping Sawyer and Kate escape. This might not end well for Alex.

10:31 -- Random celeb cameo alert!!! It's Rob McElhenney from "It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia" as an Other.

10:32 -- Alex's dad is alive and it's Henry Gale. Wait, I am confused. Danielle was the one who caught Henry Gale in her trap last season. Shouldn't she have recognized him if he's the father of her child? Unless Alex only thinks Henry is her dad.

10:33 -- Sawyer called it the "Wookie Prisoner Trick." Ha!

10:34 -- Poor Karl is undergoing some weird torture. One of the screens read: "God loves you as He loved Jacob." The Others have mentioned a "Jacob" before. Coincidence?

10:40 -- Apparently Juliet got her sister pregnant through some kind of shot. She did tell Jack she was a fertility doctor, so I guess that makes sense.

10:41 -- I'm sorry, what just happened? Did Juliet's ex just get hit by a bus?

10:42 -- And now Jack is about to kill Henry, this time by accident. If Henry dies, so help me God...

10:43 -- Sawyer vs Pickett. Time for the main event.

10:44 -- Or not. Told you, Juliet is evil.

10:47 -- Juliet won't let Alex leave the island. "We both know your father," Juliet says. That line sounded like it could have been pulled straight from "According to Jim." Except on "Lost" it's much creepier.

10:49 -- Kate tells Jack "the fear story" just as Jack saves Henry. Fantastic scene.

10:52 -- The tone of the episode is slowing down so much, you know they are just going to hit you over the head with something crazy very shortly.

10:54 -- Jack is looking down at Henry Gale and tells Juliet that the tumor is gone. Jack wants to know what Henry said to her in that scene from before. Yeah, you and about 16 million people.

10:55 -- It's Ethan again. OH MY GOD!!!! How did I not see this coming??! Juliet said to the Portland guy, "Hey I wish my ex would get hit by a bus" and then HE GOT RUN OVER BY A BUS!!! How could I have missed that????!!!

10:56 -- Juliet just figured it out. And Mr. Alpert knows about Juliet's sister being pregnant.

10:57 -- "Actually, we're not quite in Portland." -- Best. Line. Ever. Welcome to the Hanso Foundation.

10:58 -- So, Ben told Juliet that if she helped him live, Ben would let her go home. Apparently, however bad ass Juliet is, she doesn't have the power to get off the island and doesn't want to be there either.

As always, I like to recap by asking, "What did we learn?" Here we go...

While Henry says he's been on the island his whole life, Juliet has not ... And apparently she wants out ... Alex thinks Henry is her father ... Juliet is afraid of Henry ... Juliet has changed a lot since she got to the island.

When Jack was asking about what Henry said to Juliet, he said, "After all I have been through, you owe me." Lauren quipped, "That's how I feel about the producers of the show." Sums up the opinion of most "Lost" viewers quite well I think.

I don't think tonight's episode was what a lot of people were looking for, but I loved it. I give the episode a solid B -- I enjoyed Juliet's flashbacks, I am glad at least Sawyer and Kate are off the island, and I am really looking forward to Juliet vs. Henry now that he's out of surgery. Plus, Charlie wasn't in it, so that's always good.

And now I leave the rest of the column to you and your comments. I always read them and usually use a few of them to kick off the next week's diary. So here's my question to you this week: If you could have next week's episode answer one "Lost" mystery, which would it be?

See you next week.

98 COMMENTS

No Avatar
16.

Monica    

Great episode. I would definitely give it a B+. Juliet is a great character. The mystery I would like to see solved on next weeks episode is what is the "history" between Henry and Juliet. In a nutshell. No need to drag this out over an entire episode. One or two scenes will do because I really want to see Sayid (I love his bad ass) and Sun. Charlie needs to go. That whole storyline does nothing for me.

I loved that Juliet's ex got hit by a bus at her request. Fantastic! I hope she requests that the show continues to develop interesting storylines and characters at a nifty pace!

I continue to wonder if they are all patients in the same asylum, their psychotic delusions intertwining....

Next week.

2782 days ago
17.

EL    

Hi Daniel! I love reading your recaps because they help organize my thoughts about each episode. My friend brought up something interesting today. Perhaps Sun was impregnated by the Others as part of the experiements/trials?

2782 days ago
18.

me    

I heart your " Lost Diary" it makes my Thursdays.

I just had to ask...
Are you telling me you didn't see Juliett's Ex getting hit by a bus coming at all?
The second they were outside and I saw the bus behind them I knew it was coming.

I bet you a million dollars that the creepy-eye-patch guy from last season is doctor that wanted juliett to come work for him. It has to be the same guy.

To answer your question " What is the one question I want answered"

There is so much we all want to know it is hard to just pick one thing. I want to know what the hell happend to Michael and Walt? And Miss Clue? And what is going on with Desmonds girlfriend who had those guys looking for him?

See I told you I have too many questions.

2782 days ago
19.

C.D.C.    

hey great diary, it was my first time reading it and i plan to return next week. lost is back. but my question is..... remember that boat from season 1 finale where they got the dynamite? why does nobody ever wonder who those people were, where they came from, and how they got on the island?

2782 days ago
20.

svetlana    

"My name is Tom by the way" - best line of the night! haha!

next week the mystery i would want solved most is what the f that balck smoke monster is! but the chances of that are about the as finding out why lock isn't paralyzed when he's on the island, when will we ever get these answers!!!!??!!

2782 days ago
21.

No Longer A Lost Fan    

Tedious, boring and slow. I am convinced that the writers are now cramming every pop culture and Undergraduate Required Course reference into this show that they can think of or remember -- and that's the only significance any of this stuff has. It's like people who applaud the first line of a symphony because they recognize it. This show is turning into "Wayne's World." But then again, I was fooled by Twin Peaks, Northern Exposure, Picket Fences and X-Files, so why would I be surprised to be sucked in by yet another show that has no idea what it's about?

I loathe all the "Others" and I don't care who they are or why they turn out to be there; my own impression is that they were dragged in to give the writers time to sort out all the garbage they chucked at us last season which even they have forgotten. I don't find Henry Gale "creepy" -- I find him Eddie Haskell trying to convince us he's creepy. That, or he's Chucky.

The bus that ran over Juliet's ex was right out of Cartoon Central. All it needed was the Road Runner's BEEP BEEP! behind it.

And the day Sawyer dies, party at my place. I hate people who can't call other people by name but instead are always calling them by snide little nicknames. People like that hang out on message boards under obscure handles they choose to show everybody else how clever they are. If Sawyer, Kate AND Jack die at the hands of Juliet, who then commits suicide or blows up the Others Compound, very nice party at my place.

I look forward to the diaries because I am not watching this program until they get rid of some of the dreck.

2782 days ago
22.

Jennifer    

I'm glad to see people taking an active interest in this fascinating program. Thanks.

My question goes back to the beginning, why did they crash on the island? Was there some magnetic force, and why, why, why?

2782 days ago
23.

C Roth    

Fertility treatments. That explains how Son is pregnant. LOVE this show!

2782 days ago
24.

Jewels    

My question is........Where is Vincent?

I didn't really enjoy this episode. The focus on Jack/Kate/Sawyer/The Others during the mini season was over kill and it was not enjoyable to have to suffer through another episode focused just on them and ignoring the other Losties. Jack/Kate/Sawyer/The Other could disappear for the rest of the season and I wouldn't miss them one bit!!!

I'm more than ready for the return of the other Losties!!!!! (except for Claire as I find her quite annoying!)

2782 days ago
25.

Whatever    

Who watches this sh*t? What a bunch of losers. Get off the couch people!

2782 days ago
26.

vicki    

my favorite line in last night's episode was when sawyer and kate were on the beach and kate was asking jack on the two way radio how he was doing and sawyer said "tell him i said hi". sawyer cracks me up and he is soooooo hot.

2782 days ago
27.

ruben reyes    

Whos Ethan again?

2782 days ago
28.

Jewels    

P.S. To "No Longer A Lost Fan"

I agree 100% with your post and will be at your party if Sawyer, Kate, and Jack die. Party at my house if the annoying Claire dies!

2782 days ago
29.

tlatzoteotl    

Okay, so I'm not going to sit and read through every one of these comments to see if anyone else clears this up.

Look, Alex and Juliet might THINK that one of the Others is her dad (and I do think that they're talking about Ben). However, Danielle was pregnant by her husband before she got on the island. She killed her husband and the rest of the science crew when they went crazy with the island sickness, and after she gave birth the Others stole her baby. Please watch Danielle's episodes in Season One if you don't remember this. Of course they're going to raise that baby to think she's one of their children!

2782 days ago
30.

Kristin    

I´m like way behind you at episode 2 in Iceland. And I actually love tha Lost diary more than the show now. But My question would be: What do the others want with tha chidren? Why do they kidnap them? (Or are the gone from that plot?).
Love the Lost diaries

2782 days ago
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