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"Lost" Diary -- Not in Portland

2/8/2007 1:46 PM PST BY TMZ STAFF

Daniel from TMZ here, welcome back to the "Lost" Diary. Did you miss me? More importantly, did you miss "Lost?"

Flashback to Tuesday afternoon, 2:00 PM. My co-worker, Evan, asked me, "Do you know what happens in 24 hours?" "No," I said. "It'll be eight hours until 'Lost.'"

"Lost" is back, baby!

For all you "Lost" Diary newbies, here's how it goes. I gather with a group of friends watching "Lost," writing what happens on the show as it happens, and throwing in my two cents along the way.

I'm gathered tonight with Ari (our host), Lauren (the "Lost" Nazi), and Matt (no clever title). Let's roll:

10:00 -- We open with Juliet crying on the beach. Lauren immediately says, "I don't want to see a backstory on this bitch." Nice. Juliet then heads into one of the bunkers, passing Ethan in the hall, to check on a patient (played by Robin Weigert from "Deadwood"). I am guessing she has that strange island illness.



10:02 -- "Are you saying that because you don't think it's going to work, or because you're afraid he'll find out." -- Juliet's sister, Rachel. "He" is probably Henry Gale.

Note: a few "Lost" rules:

1. I always call Ben by his "real" name: Henry Gale. It just sounds cooler.
2. Juliet is evil. Evil, evil, evil.
3. The day after the episode where Charlie dies, party at my house.

10:03 -- Whoa, they're not on the island at all -- it's Miami. I already love this episode.

10:04 -- Back to the present, and Jack is yelling at Kate again. Run!!! Sawyer and Kate hand out a little ass-beating before they leave. Seems only fair.

10:05 -- It's Jack vs. Juliet in the operating room, and she is already acting like the evil woman I know she is. "If you have to, kill them!" she says.

10:07 -- The difference between past Juliet and present Juliet? Past Juliet has terrible hair. And somehow she looks older; like a cross between Bonnie Raitt and Kyra Sedgwick.

10:08 -- Her last name is Burke, she steals drugs, and she used to be married to the bad guy from season one of "24."

10:10 -- Jack just told Mr. Friendly about how Juliet asked him to kill Henry Gale. Nice play. I liked Mr. Friendly better when he had the fake beard.

10:12 -- A gunfight has broken out between the Others and Kate and Sawyer. "Lost" isn't really a gunfight kind of show.

10:13 -- Sawyer just ran out of bullets, which is good. I hate when movies and television shows have guys just firing shots and never having to reload -- that's not realistic. Of course, this show has a black smoke monster, and that's not realistic either. I digress.

10:14 -- Alex saves the day with her trusty slingshot, drawing laughs from the room. Dennis the Menace would be proud.

10:15 -- Henry Gale is awake, barely, and he spoke two very simple sentences, and yet completely freaked the hell out of me. Who's better than Henry Gale? Is it wrong that I am rooting for him?

10:18 -- Whatever Juliet is doing with her sister, her ex is on to it. What is she doing exactly? That is the question.

10:20 -- The fact that Ben is awake seems to have put the fear of God in Juliet. Worth noting.

10:22 -- OK, seriously, Henry Gale is strapped down to a table, in the middle of a spinal surgery and apparently 40 minutes from death, and I am still scared every time he comes on screen. "One gentleman to another," he tells Jack. Ahhhh!!!!! He scares the HELL out of me.

10:23 -- What are Henry and Juliet talking about? Watching them talk, without being able to hear what they are saying, is incredibly creepy. And it's really only this creepy because it's them.

10:24 -- "I'm Tom, by the way." -- Mr. Friendly. Great line. "They've got history," he says. I'd love to know what he means by that.

10:25 -- So Juliet is going to help Sawyer and Kate escape. Should be interesting.

10:28 -- Juliet is being wooed for some kind of job in Portland. And apparently she can impregnate male mice. We all have talents.

10:30 -- Juliet just discovered Alex is helping Sawyer and Kate escape. This might not end well for Alex.

10:31 -- Random celeb cameo alert!!! It's Rob McElhenney from "It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia" as an Other.

10:32 -- Alex's dad is alive and it's Henry Gale. Wait, I am confused. Danielle was the one who caught Henry Gale in her trap last season. Shouldn't she have recognized him if he's the father of her child? Unless Alex only thinks Henry is her dad.

10:33 -- Sawyer called it the "Wookie Prisoner Trick." Ha!

10:34 -- Poor Karl is undergoing some weird torture. One of the screens read: "God loves you as He loved Jacob." The Others have mentioned a "Jacob" before. Coincidence?

10:40 -- Apparently Juliet got her sister pregnant through some kind of shot. She did tell Jack she was a fertility doctor, so I guess that makes sense.

10:41 -- I'm sorry, what just happened? Did Juliet's ex just get hit by a bus?

10:42 -- And now Jack is about to kill Henry, this time by accident. If Henry dies, so help me God...

10:43 -- Sawyer vs Pickett. Time for the main event.

10:44 -- Or not. Told you, Juliet is evil.

10:47 -- Juliet won't let Alex leave the island. "We both know your father," Juliet says. That line sounded like it could have been pulled straight from "According to Jim." Except on "Lost" it's much creepier.

10:49 -- Kate tells Jack "the fear story" just as Jack saves Henry. Fantastic scene.

10:52 -- The tone of the episode is slowing down so much, you know they are just going to hit you over the head with something crazy very shortly.

10:54 -- Jack is looking down at Henry Gale and tells Juliet that the tumor is gone. Jack wants to know what Henry said to her in that scene from before. Yeah, you and about 16 million people.

10:55 -- It's Ethan again. OH MY GOD!!!! How did I not see this coming??! Juliet said to the Portland guy, "Hey I wish my ex would get hit by a bus" and then HE GOT RUN OVER BY A BUS!!! How could I have missed that????!!!

10:56 -- Juliet just figured it out. And Mr. Alpert knows about Juliet's sister being pregnant.

10:57 -- "Actually, we're not quite in Portland." -- Best. Line. Ever. Welcome to the Hanso Foundation.

10:58 -- So, Ben told Juliet that if she helped him live, Ben would let her go home. Apparently, however bad ass Juliet is, she doesn't have the power to get off the island and doesn't want to be there either.

As always, I like to recap by asking, "What did we learn?" Here we go...

While Henry says he's been on the island his whole life, Juliet has not ... And apparently she wants out ... Alex thinks Henry is her father ... Juliet is afraid of Henry ... Juliet has changed a lot since she got to the island.

When Jack was asking about what Henry said to Juliet, he said, "After all I have been through, you owe me." Lauren quipped, "That's how I feel about the producers of the show." Sums up the opinion of most "Lost" viewers quite well I think.

I don't think tonight's episode was what a lot of people were looking for, but I loved it. I give the episode a solid B -- I enjoyed Juliet's flashbacks, I am glad at least Sawyer and Kate are off the island, and I am really looking forward to Juliet vs. Henry now that he's out of surgery. Plus, Charlie wasn't in it, so that's always good.

And now I leave the rest of the column to you and your comments. I always read them and usually use a few of them to kick off the next week's diary. So here's my question to you this week: If you could have next week's episode answer one "Lost" mystery, which would it be?

See you next week.

98 COMMENTS

No Avatar
46.

Nalani    

I had heard on the radio today-that if you count backwards the number of days Juliet said she had been on the island-it takes you to Spetember 11, 2001. Can someone else please confirm...

Aloha,
Nalani

2728 days ago
47.

i AM in portland    

First time reading the diary--I love it! Word on Charlie. Bleah.

Henry Gale sounds better than Ben because it's a clever Wizard of Oz reference.

I think Sawyer has been previously written as a caring, and more importantly FOCUSED, enough person not to call a dying teenager by a smart alecky nickname. Felt a little off.

I want to know more about the brainwashing. My little brain cannot handle all the big stories, so it has seized on only the most recent mystery; for the love of god, I demand an explanation for at least one thing.

2728 days ago
48.

The Dharma Initiative    

what the hell happened to the hatch. is it still operational? will the island have another meltdown? AND WHY THE HELL DID THAT GUY GET HIT BY A BUS?!?!?!?!

2728 days ago
49.

Apple    

You didn't mention much about Alex's boyfriend going to the other island with Kate and Sawyer. The thought that he might be a total loon after his torture creeps me out. Will he do something to the rest of the group?

Also, I thougth the episode was a B as well but not worth waiting SOOO LOOOONG for! I'll still watch is cuz I love the characters. The long wait was a total rip off though.

2728 days ago
50.

megan    

I think Juliet and the Others had something to do with Sun getting pregnant, seeing as how the doctors told her she was unable to have children....

2728 days ago
51.

TheseDays    

Ok, I agree with you all and ask the same questions. The thrill of the night was the bus.......I said, whoa!!!! Next whoa was Kate finally slugged the Other. From her past, she was a fighter and could kick some. Then she was locked up, wearing her stupida dress and was way too passive -- I kept saying, slug the mf. So now I feel better, she made her move. And those constant commercials are beyond irritation (I cleaned my house while watching Lost......go fig). Not disappointed, even with all the questions. See you next week.

2728 days ago
52.

Daniruth    

Ok first I love the diary, second I LOVE lost, but seeing Rob McElhenney from Sunny in Phili was my highlight of the night. And that creepy ex husband getting smashed by the bus!

2728 days ago
53.

Simone    

I just have to tell you how much I enjoy your LOST commentary. Keep up the fantastic work!

2728 days ago
54.

CateyP    

Loved the show, loved the depth added by getting to know Juliet -- not as evil as I thought she was! Intriguing!

But mostly I'm just so glad YOU are back!! I love, love, love & adore your recaps, and send them to everyone. You completely crack me up, and I wish (in a totally non-weirdo, non-stalker way) that my friends & I could hang with you all when you watch the show.

2727 days ago
55.

isthatlulu    

For Cass,

Carl said "Danny" to Sawyer because Danny was standing behind him about to shoot him, but Juliet shot Danny first. Danny was married to the female other that was killed on the boat and has been wanting to kill Sawyer for a long time.

2727 days ago
56.

melo    

awesome article TMZ...didn't realize you had lost fans...how fun is that.

2727 days ago
57.

Interested Observer    

Totally off subject from this week's show, BUT....
I'm ready to find out how Locke became paralyzed, and who the "real Sawyer" is. We're WAY overdue for these answers!!!

2727 days ago
58.

josh    

I thought Danielle was already pregnant when she arrived on the island, and that her husband had died of the sickness after they became shipwrecked. i don't think ben is alex's real father.

2727 days ago
59.

Lisa    

How about the guard where Carl was being held reading "A Brief History in Time" (book) while standing guard.... very Donnie Darko of that Other....

2727 days ago
60.

Erin    

He's not Henry Gale, stop calling him that! BENRY or Ben Linus sounds waaaay cooler!

I thought this was a pretty good ep. all in all.

What I am dying to know is who is the 26 year old woman with a 70 year old's uterus and is she on the Island???

Juliet is obviously not concerned about ethics, if she were she wouldn't be experimenting on her own sister. Good thing for her, it worked. This speaks to her character: Juliet is a woman who will do what she HAS to do to win... Also, what is this about her impregnating a male mouse?! Yow!

Also, I don't know if you are aware, but NAMES in Lost are super biblical: RACHEL (Juliet's sister) is the mother to BENJAMIN and the wife of JACOB -- that has to be more than coincidental...

And No I don't believe that BENRY is Alex's dad -- He has stated that he has lived on the island his whole life, Danielle has said that she killed off her research team because they had the sickness...

2727 days ago
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