Hey, it's Daniel from TMZ here, back with another edition of the "Lost" Diary. After last week's epic episode, I am psyched for this week. "Lost" is back (back, meaning good again) and I couldn't be happier.
There were some unbelievably great comments last week. Some notes on a few of them:
-- A ton of you said that you thought of me immediately when you heard about Charlie's impending death. OK, so not only do I obsess over the potential death of a fictional television character, but now even total strangers I have never met know it too.
-- Most of you agree Charlie should die, but it seems the second most disliked character is Kate. She has gotten pretty annoying and all she's good for is being held at gunpoint.
For all you "Lost" Diary newbies, here's how it goes. I gather with a group of friends watching "Lost," writing what happens on the show as it happens, and throwing in my two cents along the way. This week the usual crew of Ari, Lauren and Matt is back together -- kinda like Van Halen reuniting, only none of us play any instruments. Let's roll:
10:00 -- Kate wants Sawyer to turn the boat around to go back and rescue Jack (predictable) while Karl is babbling incoherently about God and Jacob. When was the last time Kate said something where she wasn't whining?
10:01 -- Jack thinks the Others plan on killing him now, and he's got every reason to think so. But Henry Gale did promise to send him "home," which I think we all know isn't happening. My prediction: the Others start to send him home, only Locke and Sayid and the rest of them "rescue" him and ruin it. Just a thought.
10:02 -- "Hey." -- Juliet. Things don't look so good for her.
10:06 -- And it's Jack flashback time. Prepare for either daddy issues or dumped by his wife issues.
10:07 -- Or hot Asian woman on the beach issues.
10:08 -- Jack's in Sawyer's cage and apparently the Others have a "sheriff."
10:10 -- Kate and Sawyer are having some post-coital problems, and Karl is kinda creeping me out. But he is full of info, so there's that.
10:12 -- Juliet is trying to get Jack to help Ben as a "personal favor" to her. Other than the fact she's hot, why would we do her a favor? Jack, remember, she's evil.
10:18 -- Oh look, Jack brought up his dad. Didn't see that coming.
10:19 -- "I have a gift." -- Achara. I'm sure that won't come up later.
10:20 -- Isabelle wants to ask Jack a few questions. First impression: she's kind of creepy, but only kind of.
10:21 -- Apparently, Isabelle is "investigating" whether or not Juliet tried to get Jack to kill Henry. I half expected to hear the "Law & Order" sound. What are the odds Jack lies to save Juliet? I am going 80/20 that he does.
10:22 -- What a sap.
10:23 -- Not sure what I think about this Isabelle. Feels like they are trying to force another creepy character on us. The rest of the room thinks she's a transvestite; a tad harsh, I think. What happened to Ms. Klugh?
10:26 -- Well at least Jack scored with Achara. There is a dirty joke here to be made about her "gift," but I'm gonna be the adult here and let it go.
10:28 -- Hey it's Cindy from the back of the plane and she's "there to watch." That doesn't sound good. Oh Cindy, Ana Lucia's dead and she was a bitch, too. Sorry to break it to you.
10:30 -- Karl ran away to hide in the woods and cry and has never heard of "The Brady Bunch." Except for the episode in Hawaii with Vincent Price and the tiki, I wish I had never heard of it either. Lauren wonders why they aren't questioning Karl more. Fair point.
10:32 -- Gotta admit, I am bored as hell. The room is restless and throwing out four-letter words.
10:33 -- Apparently, Alex has daddy issues too. She and Jack will have a lot to talk about.
10:34 -- And Jack wants out of his cage. Maybe now something will actually happen.
10:39 -- "The cavalry has arrived at last." -- Henry Gale. If this were a cheezy 90s sitcom, the studio audience would applaud Henry's first appearance -- it's long overdue.
10:40 -- So Ethan was a surgeon. He kinda looked more like he worked at UPS.
10:41 -- So Jack is going to save Ben to save Juliet. Can a man be (another word for a small cat)-whipped if they haven't even had sex? Grow a pair Jack!
10:42 -- By the way, part of me thinks Jack is lying about the infection just to save Juliet.. Only, again, I don't think he has the cajones.
10:43 -- "My work is not decoration, it is definition." -- Achara. Bit of a letdown on the whole "gift" thing. I wish it had been something dirty.
10:45 -- I think Jack just committed reverse tattoo rape. Never thought I'd coin that phrase.
10:46 -- "He has, however, ordered her to be marked." -- Isabelle. Like a tattoo? Like "The Scarlett Letter"? What kind of mark are we talking about here?
10:50 -- Three things about Jack's beating: 1) His tattoo wasn't complete. 2) Reverse tattoo rape has its consequences. 3) I really thought one of the guys was going to say, "Welcome to Thailand, bitch!" R.I.P. "The O.C."
10:51 -- I was kind of expecting Juliet's "mark" to be like Jack's tattoo, not a branding.
10:54 -- Juliet says they're leaving the island and taking Jack back to where they live. We saw their little village when the plane crashed, so "where they live" shouldn't be a huge surprise. But so many people have mentioned it during the episode, I kinda think it will be.
10:55 -- Sawyer thinks Kate threw him a "I thought you were going to die" lay, and she doesn't appear to be denying it. That's gotta hurt.
10:56 -- So Jack's tattoo says, "He walks amongst us, but he is not one of us." Jack says, "That's what they say, but that's not what they mean." Thanks, Yoda.
10:57 -- Nothing is really happening.
10:58 -- Still nothing.
10:59 -- Huh?
Normally I now do a "What did we learn this week?" But I am too angry for that. What the hell was that? On the heels of one of the best episodes ever, we get a complete and utter waste of an hour. Just a severe, other level disappointment.
According to the promos, we were supposed to get three mysteries solved, but I only counted two: what Jack's tattoo means (like anyone really cared about that!), and why no one watches "Lost" anymore. I can't defend this episode, so I am just going to stop writing about it. Tomorrow's "O.C." finale better be good, or else I will really lose it.
This is the spot where I usually throw out a question to try and spark comments, but it seems futile this week, since every comment will probably be about how much this episode sucked. But if you can come up with anything good that came out of this week, I'd LOVE to hear it. Seriously, anything at all.
(Deep breath ... Come on Daniel, it's just a television show.)
Sorry, normally I am not this negative. So let's try this again. Here is my question to you: If you could pick one word to describe your reaction to tonight's episode, what would it be?
See you next week.