This Week's Biggest Losers 02/24/2007

Britney Spears: She looks like Sinead O'Connor, and yes, as we watch the tattooed tantrums and ongoing game of rehab musical chairs, we can't help but hum along to "Nothing Compares to You" as the soundtrack. And what's with the aversion to body hair? First, it was shorn down low, then up high. Does this mean we can soon expect a frenzied waxing of the armpits, perhaps with the help of some unsuspecting Malibu surfers? Not so long ago, we were all having great fun at the expense of K-Fed. But it's now time to officially dub Britney "H-Thread," as in hanging by a thread.

Anna Nicole Smith: When the DNA-challenged sycophants you left behind look like they belong not in a Florida courtroom, but on the stage of "The Jerry Springer Show," and you, at this point, still don't have a grave in which to roll over, life in the Bahamian great beyond must feel like an E! reality show. It's been a real-life double D soap opera, with sky-high ratings that would have made even the late Aaron Spelling jealous. But the cliffhanger here is, of course, not who shot J.R. -- it's who fathered Dannielynn.

David Geffen: It just keeps getting more embarrassing for the Broadway billionaire. Over here, it's former Supreme Mary Wilson, bemoaning the fact that even though "Dreamgirls" appears to have been based on her life, it's the kind of non-compensated love that leaves an itching in her heart. Over there, it's Dreamworks -- via full-page ads in the Hollywood trades -- apologizing for any inference that the fictional character of Curtis Taylor Jr. (played by Jamie Foxx) was trying to drown Motown founder Berry Gordy in the tears of a clown. Jennifer Hudson is still a lock for Best Supporting Actress, but the way things are going, Geffen should prepare himself for Monday morning complaints about how all those darned Dreamgirls musical numbers dragged down the Oscar telecast.

Barbara Walters: On the plus side, she's become a great kibbitzing guest on "The Late Show with David Letterman." On the minus side, her view this Oscar weekend is a little less rosy now that ABC, prior to her annual special this Sunday, has broadcast a similar program last night hosted by Oprah. The latter even appears to have one-upped Babs on the format front, getting stars to interview each other. And scoop-wise, Walters will have a hard time competing with Julia Roberts and Brad Pitt getting George Clooney to admit he had his eyes done. Even if it was just another deadpan Clooney joke.