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"Lost" Diary -- 3/29

3/29/2007 3:12 PM PDT BY TMZ STAFF

Hey, it's Daniel from TMZ here, back with another edition of the "Lost" Diary.

Not sure how many sports fans we have here on TMZ, but let me make an analogy for you. After two amazing episodes of "Lost," I have been walking around as if my favorite team just won the championship. I've got a permanent smile on my face, I talk trash to people who don't watch the show -- I am even close to getting a jersey with the numbers "4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42" written on the back. My show is the best and I know it! Bring on all challengers!

For all you "Lost" Diary newbies, here's how it goes. I gather with a group of friends watching "Lost," writing what happens on the show as it happens, and throwing in my two cents along the way. This week it's just me and Ari, so I'll have to imagine what Lauren would say every time Sawyer comes on screen. Let's roll:

10:00 -- Starting off right in the thick of it, Nikki is frantically burying something. If I am going to have to watch a whole episode of Nikki and Paulo, it better be good.

10:01 -- Ok, Nikki as a stripper is a step in the right direction. You never realize how attractive someone is when you spend all your time wishing they never existed.



10:02 -- We just watched a scene from the worst television show ever, "Exposé." But I guess if Nikki were in a bikini each week, I might tune in.

10:03 -- But any sexiness she had just went out the window when she kissed that old guy. That's probably what Anna Nicole and that Howard Marshall guy were like.

10:04 -- I'll let my good friend Hurley describe what just happened: "Dude, Nikki's dead."

10:07 -- It's 84 days ago, and Paulo is Nikki's boyfriend's chef. It's funny that Nikki's grandpa -- I mean boyfriend -- says he is the Wolfgang Puck of Brazil, since Rodrigo Santoro (who plays Paulo) is referred to as "the Brazilian Tom Cruise." Which is weird, because even Tom Cruise doesn't suck this bad.

10:08 -- Uh oh, looks like Gramps won't make it. And Nikki and Paulo don't look that shocked ...

10:09 -- ... because they killed him to get whatever was in his safe. Razzle-frickin-dazzle. So far if I could grade the writing of this episode, it would be an F.

10:10 -- Sun, Charlie, Sawyer and Hurley are turning into the gang from "Scooby-Doo." Did Nikki say "Paulo lies" as her dying words? Couldn't tell.

10:11 -- Watching Nikki and Paulo in the airport, I am trying really hard not to hate them, but I can't. And do you know why?

10:12 -- Because I would sooooo prefer Shannon and Boone! Good to see them back, even if it is just in a flashback. By the way, when the producers of "Lost" called the reps for Maggie Grace and Ian Somerhalder to ask them to come back, how fast do you think they said "yes"? Five seconds? Ten seconds?

10:13 -- Ok, now we're getting flashbacks from the pilot, only Nikki and Paulo are now mixed in. This is like watching "Back to the Future II" and seeing scenes we already saw before, just from a different angle.

10:14 -- Hey it's Artz! Dude, you've got some Artz on you!

10:15 -- And now Paulo is dead too. While I am kind of happy that Nikki and Paulo are dead, I kind of hope the rest of this episode does something to explain why they were even introduced on the show in the first place.

10:17 -- The Lost Detective Agency is working "The Case of the Dead Cast Members Nobody Liked."

10:18 -- It's 75 days ago now, and Ethan is milling around the camp and Jack is giving an inspirational speech. Ah, the good ol' days.

10:21 -- It's 57 days ago and Nikki is breaking out "the girls" to get Artz to help her find the missing bag and whatever she stole from Gramps.

10:22 -- Paulo made the mistake of throwing the fact that Nikki slept with Gramps in her face. If there is one thing you never do, it's remind your girlfriend she had to sleep with an old guy -- that you later poisoned -- in order to get close enough to steal from him. They don't like that.

10:23 -- Nikki and Paulo found the plane that Boone died in ... and the Pearl hatch. Man, if only someone had actually talked to these people for the first month or so on the island, then they might have actually learned something.

10:24 -- The Lost Detective Agency is still on the case. While Hurley goes on about "Exposé," Sawyer finds a walkie-talkie belonging to the Others. Well maybe there is hope for this episode yet.

10:29 -- It's now 48 days ago, and Kate is explaining to Shannon and Artz where they found the suitcase of guns -- which Nikki hopes will lead to the missing case. We're at the halfway point of the episode and I have to admit that I am not feeling this at all.

10:30 -- Nikki is trying to get Paulo to dive into the water to look for the case. She's not exactly the most likable woman I ever met.

10:31 -- Paulo finds the missing case (of course) but lies about it (of course). Whatever is in that case better have a Dharma logo or the numbers on it or something.

10:32 -- While the group is talking about Nikki and Paulo, Sun mentions the time the Others kidnapped her -- only it was really Charlie. And based on the guilty looks of Charlie and Sawyer -- and the fact that we saw Sun punch Sawyer in the promos -- I'd say she's going to learn it was them before we're done here. (Note: I know, I know; I said I wasn't going to watch promos anymore. But I didn't even watch this one. People told me about it.)

10:33 -- It's now 32 days ago and Paulo is chomping away at nicotine gum and trying to bury the mystery doll in the sand, but Locke catches him. Locke is his early season two, jovial self. Miss that guy.

10:34 -- So Paulo decides to hide the mystery item back at the Pearl station. Ari remembers that Paulo snuck into the bathroom of the Pearl when he was there later on, presumably to fetch what he just hid. How did he remember that?

10:35 -- But before Paulo can leave, Juliet and Henry Gale show up, talking about how they are going to get Jack to perform the surgery.

10:36 -- "Same way I get anyone to do anything. I find out what he's emotionally invested in and then I exploit it." -- Henry Gale. He was on screen for like a minute and he was better than everyone else in this episode combined. Long live Henry Gale! Oh, and now we know how Paulo found the walkie-talkie, so there won't be any cool reveal about that. You hear that noise? That's the sound of this episode sucking.

10:37 -- So Nikki and Sawyer were arguing earlier? Interesting.

10:41 -- The Lost Detective Agency is hard on the case, with Hurley pointing fingers at Sawyer. Meanwhile, now it's just Sun and Charlie by the grave site. Wonder if he'll confess now ...

10:42 -- Yeah, that was kind of easy. I don't know why Charlie confessed. Bad Idea Jeans.

10:43 -- We're up to nine days ago and we're seeing the scene where Nikki and Paulo go to the Pearl. Nothing we really haven't see before, except for Paulo retrieving the pouch.

10:44 -- Sawyer is back from "sweeping the perimeter" and the Lost Detective Agency is ready to confront him. I am half expecting them to pull back his mask and reveal he's really Henry Gale in disguise! If it wasn't for you meddling kids!

10:45 -- But it's not that interesting. Nikki was just hiding diamonds. Boring.

10:49 -- Nikki and Paulo have a sappy talk on the beach, until Nikki realizes he's lying. Still not sure how this leads to them both dying.

10:50 -- Nikki asks Sawyer for a gun, doesn't get it. Knew that.

10:51 -- Sawyer doesn't have a shirt on. Hang on for a sec while I try and channel my inner Lauren. Here goes, "I want to lick the television." How'd I do?

10:52 -- Sun confronts Sawyer about the kidnapping. When Sawyers asks Sun why she isn't going to tell Jin, she says, "Because then we'd have to dig another grave." Very true. She gives him back the diamonds and slaps him on the face. Seems like Sawyer got off easy.

10:53 -- When I die, I only want two things: 1) Prince to sing at my funeral and 2) Hurley to give my eulogy. "Um, Daniel worked for TMZ. And he wrote about this show called 'Lost.' And he was cool. And he was nice to me. And he was funny. And ..."

10:54 -- Is Sawyer really burying the diamonds with Nikki and Paulo? Come on, that's just stupid.

10:55 -- Alright, it's eight hours ago -- time to learn how Nikki and Paulo died. Ari has it figured out before it happens -- Nikki uses Artz's spider.

10:56 -- "One bite from the spider will paralyze you for about eight hours." -- Nikki. Wait a sec: didn't the graphic say this was happening eight hours ago? Oh my lord, Nikki and Paulo aren't dead!!! They are just paralyzed and Hurley and company buried them alive!!!

10:57 -- Yup, the pheromones from the female spider has attracted the male spiders and Nikki is a goner too. Have I been watching "Lost" this whole time or "The Twilight Zone"?

10:58 -- Nikki's last words were actually "para ... lyzed" and not "Paulo lies." Oops.

10:59 -- Nikki opens her eyes just as she's being buried alive.

11:00 -- Seriously, what show did I just watch?

So what did we learn? Nikki and Paulo were con artists who stole diamonds from some rich guy ... their greed was so strong, it killed both of them.

Man, this was an amazing episode ... of "Tales from the Crypt." Seriously, I feel like my show just got kidnapped by the Cryptkeeper. When does the real episode of "Lost" air this week? Is it on next? Please?

This week's show was a complete waste of time. I wanted Nikki and Paulo to die, but a whole episode for that? They should have just put a graphic up at the beginning of the show that said: "We were wrong, you were right. Nikki and Paulo sucked. Let's never mention them again." Then they could have done a completely different episode and I could have saved an hour of my life. While we can all appreciate the fact that Nikki and Paulo are dead, it was so anticlimactic that I have no clue why they were even on the show in the first place. Something tells me we haven't heard the last from them.

Now we've reached the point where I give the episode a grade, only this time I'm not. I am giving this week's show an Incomplete. I really don't see the purpose of this episode at all. So, I am hoping that in some way, at some point down the road, it will be revealed.

Here's my question to you this week: Over the last several weeks, we have seen "Lost" at its best and its worst. Can you pinpoint one thing that makes for a good episode of "Lost?" I'll give you my answer next week.

169 COMMENTS

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16.

Ashley Koehne    

I think that in order to have a great episode of LOST, there needs to be so much suspense that its actually painful...like when Charlie got hung by Ethan in the episode where he steals Claire.....that was crazy.....and all episodes of LOST should have something like that. For this episode, I think they were going for the same effect with the burying alive dealio, but it doesn't work because nobody cares about Nikki and Paolo....we cared about Charlie so we were scared (we might have different feelings about him now, though)...so yeah, thats what I think....

2584 days ago
17.

lallee    

Do you think they taped all the early scenes (the crash, the airport, Boone and Shannon) with Nikki and Paolo seasons ago? And edited them out and saved them all up and made a new show with the scenes? Or did they invite everyone back as special guest stars and make the scenes this season? Or did they use magic editing to insert Nikki and Paolo into scenes where they weren't before? I liked the episode. It was weird to see things through the filter of Nikki and Paolo. And I loved the ending! So what if it didn't move the story along, it was a good hour of Lost - an interesting, twisted story that blows your mind at the end.

2584 days ago
18.

sciencelover    

I liked this episode. Did you notice that the dog pulled the blanket off of them? Vincent knew they weren't dead. Maybe he'll dig them out for a future episode.

2584 days ago
19.

Jamie    

What would make for a perfect episode of Lost for me would be shirtless Sawyer or Jack -- either way, doesn't matter!! LOL But I do like Desmond, so the episode wasn't a complete loss. Anytime he is in an episode, that's a good thing because I love the accent, the looks he gives, just the character and actor overall! I have started to like Charlie the more Lost is on (which I didn't in the beginning), but I agree he should have just sucked up the confession and let it go. Now it came out and everyone will know it (you're on an island - gossip travels fast but imagine how fast it travels with only so many people in a little group on an island - duh). So now Charlie will have to live with what he has done and possibly Claire finding out. But I think unfortunately the prediction will come true and Charlie will die this season since reports are (SPOILER MAYBE HERE) that the actor has been told he will not be returning next season. Hopefully, he will at least redeem himself before that time. Glad Nikki & Paulo are BOTH gone! Promos said 1 person would die but we got 2 and got them out of there in 1 episode -- that was worth it for the hour for me!! Yay!!!

2584 days ago
20.

Just a thought    

I think Nikki is going to dig herself out of that grave & freak everybody out.......I don't think Paulo is going to make it out in time & Nikki will just leave him under the dirt to sufficate.......

2584 days ago
21.

my opinion    

LOST........................ROCKS....................!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...........wow next week a cat fight.............go kate..................!!!! my favorite show is ..........................LOST...................

2584 days ago
22.

Stacie    

I watched the show and learned nothing. The only things I really enjoyed were Sawyer's scenes when he kept asking- " who is Niki, who is Paulo" The whole episode confused my husband. I spent more time explaining to him which was a flashback and which was live. I figured from the first time I saw Niki and Paulo that they were on the show to be killed. Glad to see that I wasn't wrong. On a whole the whole episode was an hour of wasted time. Just one thing- will they stay buried or will they dig their way to the top? The sand wasn't put on their graves tightly so it might be possible- sand is loose.
So, what do I think helps make a Lost episode good- two things: Locke and Ben!!!

2584 days ago
23.

Steve    

If one or both of them are not somehow rescued from their graves then this was once again a total waste of time filler episode.

2584 days ago
24.

JustMe    

I love lost. However after last nights episode I was left saying "WHO CARES!" I agree bring in the humor that is between Locke and Ben. That was such a great fun episode. It kept me at the edge of my seat, and yes I almost fell off laughing at the now famous "We dont have a code for a man in the closet holding a gun to my daughters head". I am guessing they drop characters story lines to keep us wondering. But not saying anything about Walt and Micheal this entire season is disappointing. I just hope next weeks episode is as good as it looks.

2584 days ago
25.

may    

Daniel, I agree that this episode was a total waste of time. After last weeks show I was really looking forward to another jaw dropper, but no such luck. I could have gotten an extra hour of sleep and felt much more satisfied. ARGH! Where is LOST?

2584 days ago
26.

Karen    

A whole show about Nikki and Paolo? Blech! And having whiney Shannon come back? Double blech! Henry Gale aka Ben was fantastic, though, as usual. A good episode of Lost advances the story line along and gives us a little (or dare I ask for much) revealing info to build upon. There better be a reason for Nikki and Paolo, because I still see none.

2584 days ago
27.

Hobbnobb    

Sorry dude! I for one loved the episode. Should have been called "Red Shirt All-Stars" with it's great season one flashbacks with Boone (the original red shirt), Shannon, and Arzt. We got to see the island work out the karma of Nikki and Paolo somewhat differently, through the actions of the Lost gang, and Henry's scene was huge! He obviously planned his capture, which brings up more questions about his relationship to Danielle. I actully like these little digressions away from the main threads. Nikki and Paolo were so obviously red shirts, and their demise was very satisfying to this viewer.

2584 days ago
28.

Gatorgirl    

Yeah, it was completely useless! Right after the episode ended, I looked at the official ABC Lost board, and all these goofs were like Wow! Great episode! And I'm thinking, was I watching something different? There is NO NEED whatsoever to bring new people onboard that I don't care about at all when there are a million questions from the OLD people that I need answered!!! An incomplete grade, for sure.

2584 days ago
29.

jana    

Remember, Locke told Paolo NOTHING stays buried on the island. OOOOh...Lame episode, I could've gotten to bed an hour earlier! Good job channeling LAuren and I love you referencing them to a SCooby Doo episoe! HAHA
Keep up the great review!

2584 days ago
30.

kristy    

Another thing that I did not like about this episode is that they totally left us hanging from last week...what about Locke's dad in the closet...this equals a good episode! They did not even mention it and that is why LOST makes me so angry...they get you all hyped up for something and then they just drop it!

2584 days ago
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