Alec Responds: "I've Been Driven to the Edge"

961. I think that most of us are capable of being pushed over the edge to the point where we might say or do things that we regret for the rest of our lives. If you have never been in such a situation, than I feel that you are a very lucky person. His message to his daughter had a lot more to do with his divorce situation than anything else.

However, I would in no way condone the language or tone that he utilized in his message. It does sound as though he would benefit from some personal counseling, both for his own benefit and Ireland's.

Alec Baldwin seems to be a dad who wants desperately to keep a close relationship with his daughter. With the stress of a disastrously messy divorce and his feelings that his ex is negatively effecting his daughter's thoughts of him, I think I might be prone to blowing up as well.

For the sake of Alec, Kim and Ireland, I sincerely hope that the two adults involved are capable of resolving their own differences enough to offer their daughter a healthy, loving environment.

Posted at 7:21PM on Apr 26th 2007 by Jen

962. Kim Basinger faces trial on 12 misdemeanor counts of criminal contempt for allegedly disregarding orders concerning Baldwin's visitation rights.

The two have been battling for custody of their only daughter since their divorce in 2002.

Yeah, I could see how he finally had a melt down after time and time again her
ditching his calls and her Mother doing her best to frustrate Dad.

Posted at 7:46PM on Apr 26th 2007 by hothead Dad better than no Dad at all..

963.
To: Hot Head Dad better than No Dad at All

Where are you getting that idea? Women, and children,
are murdered by hot head dads. They are beaten,
intimidated, and the behavior of the father is often unknown
to the public, and the wife and children live in fear, and in
quiet desperation.

I applaud Kim for protecting her child from this abuser who is
clearly violent. It sounds as though some writers think because
Baldwin is a "movie star" he is exempt from having to take the
responsibility for his own actions, and from being a decent human
being. I suspect that in actuality Kim has protected Baldwin by
not disclosing to the public ALL he has ACTUALLY done, and
I also believe the act Baldwin is putting on about being contrite
is MERELY because his abusive and dangerous behavior was
EXPOSED. After all, the only way his being an actor benefits
him is in allowing him to deceive the public into believe this was
just a one time instance caused, of course, by the child and her
mother (whom he also insulted in the phone call), and of course
was not his fault. I am not impressed with his script, but his
acting job was good enough to fool many with his fake remorse.

I am thankful that the judicial system is now aware of the person
Baldwin really is, and I hope and pray that Kim and Ireland will
now be protected from the threats and abuse to which
they have been subjected for years.

Posted at 10:00AM on Apr 27th 2007 by Suzanne

964. I just watched Alec Baldwins rant on The View.
I cannot believe this fool is sitting there and blaming everyone else but himself. Is he for real?
Have the women on the view forgotten that this man yelled, insulted and threatened his 11 y.o .daughter? They sat there and comforted him as he continued to blame everyone from the media to other victims.
I have never ever felt the need to respond to anything on any of these sites but this made me sick.
I don't really know who is to blame in the divorce and don't really care, All I know is that poor girl has no chance to being normal after living this crap during her short life.

Alec, quit acting and disappear, it wouldnt be a great loss!!!!

Posted at 11:52AM on Apr 27th 2007 by DeltaGirl

965. GMAFB I've heard people shout out their kids saying way far worse things that " pig " hell at the damn grocery store this women was calling daughter ( looked like around age 13 ) a bitch, then she turned to me and said she knows I'm only teasing her, it's the only way she'll turn to answer me. I said Ok whatever.. Some parents today act as if their kids are their playmates.

Posted at 11:50AM on Apr 27th 2007 by yeah yeah

966. Life is so very short and if we are blessed with children we should always cherish and treasure them. If your marriage doesn't work out that's okay, but to involve your child in your (kims) hellish desire to obstruct a father's love is horrendeous!!! I am divorced and have 4 children and 3 grandchildren and my ex and I have always kept a civil tongue between us. Our children love us both and love their step parents just as much. You see it can work out. But, if you are mean and ugly and vengeful, it's your child, NOT YOU, who will suffer in the long run. I hope Mr. Baldwin learns from this, and never ever trust the voice mail again. Talk to your daughter face to face she will see who is really at fault sooner rather than later.
God Bless

liz

Posted at 12:17PM on Apr 27th 2007 by elizabeth cohen

967.
First, that I can almost promise you that is not the first time he has spoken to his daughter that way. There is a difference between anger and rage. If you are a parent and you are unleashing on your kids this way, please get some support and educate yourself about how damaging verbal abuse can be.

It is one thing to speak angrily at our children. It is another to call them names. He also threatened her by saying he was "coming to straighten her out". He literally says "I do not care if you are 11 years old or 12 years old" - that is crossing the line. And does he not know how old she is?

Secondly, in this apology, he never addresses his daughter. He apologizes to anyone who may have been offended, which I guess means her, too.

Posted at 4:17AM on Apr 29th 2007 by Raven

968. I watched Alex on the view today. I believe the only thing he wants to be one up with Kim in this battle and sadly he will use anything for that goal. All of a sudden he is on a crusade to do the right thing. Please it is all staged. It never would have happened if the tape wasn't released. This issue will not be resolved until you make peace with your anger and hatred towards Kim. Believe me your motives are not for the best interest of your child. They are to make yourself look good. Get people on your side for the war you are wageing and just to get your way. Look at poor Alex. Love involves sacrifice and humility. Sometimes you do have to step away and work on yourself. Privately. If you are sincere love will always win. Sometimes you have to surrender to win. She will grow up someday and will always remember you called her a pig. She also watches how you treat her mother. Some people do need to learn how to love. Try that instead of this PR stunt. Your ego is ruling you. I saw thru you. I do not feel sorry for you. You need to grow up.

Posted at 7:13PM on Apr 27th 2007 by diggidy

969. Hi Their Alec,
Just to let you know,,,,,,,,Alec, we all make mistakes, it's all apart of "living and learning process." As long as all of us learn from our mistakes, then we come out on top.. Now, while we're on the subject of learning............Y don't you replace that one big, bad mistake, that someone made putting Rosie in that good position. Boy! What a big mistake. It surely would be a welcome change to see you replace that loser. Oh! And by the way, It surely is nice to have a man like "Donald Trump" around. So, you take care Alec and have a great day, everyday. " God Bless You And your Family."
Sincerely, Ann - New Castle, Delaware

Posted at 8:03PM on Apr 27th 2007 by Ann Antonio

970. All i could thik about while listening to Baldwin's rant full of blaming, justifications, excuses. and self-pity was "who does he think he's fooling?" The guy is in deep denial and has obvious emotional/mental problems. He is so full of anger and hostility it jumped out of the television. He needs help.

Posted at 8:13PM on Apr 27th 2007 by what a crock

971. Just like some others here have said, I guess I would have to agree that this really isn't any of our business but it was made public. Maybe he is sorry for what he said to the the little girl but in my opinion, I think he's more sorry we all heard it. Also, as usual with people who behave in that manner, it's always someone else's fault and in this case, the ex. What a load of garbage!!

Posted at 8:11PM on Apr 27th 2007 by ccb

972. Alec is Daddy Dearest.

Instead of blaming Kim, why not blame Alec's mom. She's the one that brought those bunch of whack into this world.

And by the way...OJ is innocent.

Posted at 11:09PM on Apr 27th 2007 by No slack here

973. I am glad others saw the pompous, self-important Alex Baldwin on "The View". I was absolutely sickened by his continuing to blame others for his own character flaws and his abuse of his daughter. He looked sullen, and although he faked remorse it was clear he is still full of rage, which is primarily because his behavior was exposed to the public. Everything
is about "him" and his feelings. He refuses to take responsibility for
his own actions.

Did you hear him say that he sweetly awakens his daughter by stroking her hair and speaking gently to her? Yeah, sure. He must take us for fools. Following that ridiculous statement he stated that Ireland told him her mother screams and curses to awaken her, and then he began
demonstrating this screaming and cursing in front of the audience, supposedly mimicking the way Kim awakens her child in the mornings. He must think we are idiots! That remark, pursuant to his violent threats and rage on the phone toward his child, sounded insane.

Alex must enjoy mocking and ridiculing people. He mocked and ridiculed his little girl's dancing on a night show, even getting up and making fun of her by mimicking her dancing. What a jerk.

This man is a woman's worst nightmare. He sounds capable of any cruelty. I cannot understand people who are actually blaming the wife in this stressful and horrendous situation. She is trying to protect her daughter, and what does it take to convince people that this child NEEDS protection from her father.

O'Reilly said Rosie O'Donnell said she "curses" her children and that the audience clapped. Are people losing all sense of propriety and decency? Were they just clapping to please Rosie and Baldwin?

Daniel Baldwin was on Greta's show, and just had charges of car theft against him dropped. He excused what Baldwin said to his child, and he, too, blamed Kim. That must be a family trait.

I do not believe Kim is trying to deliberately cause any problems, but is only trying to deal with an intolerable situation to the best
interests and the safety of her child. Having to put up with Baldwin,
Kim needs our understanding and compassion! So does Ireland!

Posted at 11:14PM on Apr 27th 2007 by Suzanne

974. UNDERSTANDING THE BATTERER IN CUSTODY AND VISITATION DISPUTES

by R. Lundy Bancroft

c 1998


A sophisticated understanding of the mind of the abuser, his style as a parent, and of the tactics that he most commonly employs during separation and divorce, are essential to anyone making custody recommendations or working to design visitation plans that are safe for the children and their mother. Contrary to popular belief, children of batterers can be at just as much risk psychologically, sexually, and even physically after the couple splits up as they were when the family was still together. In fact, many children experience the most damaging victimization from the abuser at this point. A genuine batterer can be convincingly play the part of a man who has been unfairly accused, and batterers who will be a grave risk to their children during unsupervised visitation can be hard to separate from those who can visit safely. The insights and expertise of those service providers who have extensive experience working directly with abusers needs to be drawn from, and the level of contribution from victims themselves to policy design also needs to be greatly increased. Custody and visitation battles amidst allegations of domestic violence require policies and interveners (judges, mediators, and Guardians Ad Litem) based in the most detailed knowledge, experience, sensitivity, and integrity. The stakes for children are very high...

...PROFILE OF THE BATTERER

Generalizations about batterers have to be made with caution. Batterers come from all socioeconomic backgrounds and levels of education. They have the full range of personality types, from mild and mousy to loud and aggressive. They are difficult to profile psychologically; they frequently fare well in psychological testing, often better than their victims do. People outside of a batterer's immediate family do not generally perceive him as an abusive person, or even as an especially angry one. They are as likely to be very popular as they are to be "losers," and they may be visible in their communities for their professional success and for their civic involvement. Most friends, family, and associates in a batterer's life find it jarring when they hear what he has done, and may deny that he is capable of those acts.

The partner and children of a batterer will, however, experience generalizable characteristics, though he may conceal these aspects of his attitude and behavior when other people are present:

The batterer is controlling; he insists on having the last word in arguments and decision-making, he may control how the family's money is spent, and he may make rules for the victim about her movements and personal contacts, such as forbidding her to use the telephone or to see certain friends.

He is manipulative; he misleads people inside and outside of the family about his abusiveness, he twists arguments around to make other people feel at fault, and he turns into a sweet, sensitive person for extended periods of time when he feels that it is in his best interest to do so. His public image usually contrasts sharply with the private reality.

He is entitled; he considers himself to have special rights and privileges not applicable to other family members. He believes that his needs should be at the center of the family's agenda, and that everyone should focus on keeping him happy. He typically believes that it is his sole prerogative to determine when and how sexual relations will take place, and denies his partner the right to refuse (or to initiate) sex. He usually believes that housework and childcare should be done for him, and that any contributions he makes to those efforts should earn him special appreciation and deference. He is highly demanding.

He is disrespectful; he considers his partner less competent, sensitive, and intelligent than he is, often treating her as though she were an inanimate object. He communicates his sense of superiority around the house in various ways.

The unifying principle is his attitude of ownership. The batterer believes that once you are in a committed relationship with him, you belong to him. This possessiveness in batterers is the reason why killings of battered women so commonly happen when victims are attempting to leave the relationship; a batterer does not believe that his partner has the right to end a relationship until he is ready to end it.

Most abusers do not express these beliefs explicitly; they are more likely to deny having them, or even to claim to have opposite convictions that are humane and egalitarian. An experienced batterers' counselor may have to spend several hours with the abuser before the underlying attitudes begin to show. These attitudes are generally evident to victims, however, who often feel frustrated at the batterer's ability to present a markedly different face to the outside world. This dual aspect to his personality also helps to keep the victim confused about what he is really like, and can contribute to her blaming herself for his abusive behaviors...

...The Perceptual System of Men Who Batter

Because of the distorted perceptions that the abuser has of rights and responsibilities in relationships, he considers himself to be the victim. Acts of self-defense on the part of the battered woman or the children, or efforts they make to stand up for their rights, he defines as aggression against him. He is often highly skilled at twisting his descriptions of events to create the convincing impression that he has been victimized. He thus accumulates grievances over the course of the relationship to the same extent that the victim does, which can lead professionals to decide that the members of the couple "abuse each other" and that the relationship has been "mutually hurtful."

Although a percentage of batterers have psychological problems, the majority do not. They are often thought to have low self-esteem, high insecurity, dependent personalities, or other results from childhood wounds, but in fact batterers are a cross-section of the population with respect to their emotional make-up. Certain labels such as "control freak" or "self-centered" have the appearance of accuracy, but even these overlook the fact that the battering problem is very context-specific; in other words, most batterers do not have an inordinate need for control, but rather feel an inordinate right to control under family and partnership circumstances. Thus unlike other problems with violence, battering behavior is mostly driven by culture rather than by individual psychology. Many batterers are "in touch with" their feelings and skilled in the language of therapy and recovery, which throws evaluators off the track. They may use their childhoods and emotions as an excuse, to divert attention from their entitled and possessive attitudes.

Battering is a learned behavior, with its roots in attitudes and belief-systems that are reinforced by the batterer's social world. The problem is specifically linked to how the abuser formulates the concepts of relationship and family; in other words, within those realms he believes in his right to have his needs come first, and to be in control of the conduct (and often even of the feelings) of others. A recent research study showed that two factors, the belief that battering is justified and the presence of peers who support abusiveness, are the single greatest predictors of which men will batter; these two had a considerably greater impact than whether or not the man was exposed to domestic violence as a child (Silverman and Williamson).

Each batterer has his own mix of controlling and entitlement. Some monitor every move their partners make like a prison guard, but at the same time are somewhat lower in entitlement, contributing more to housework and childcare than other batterers (though still less than non-batterers). Other batterers don't control their partners freedom as severely, but become irate or violent when they are not fully catered to, or when victims remind them of responsibilities that they are shirking. The levels of manipulativeness and overt disrespect also vary, so that each batterer has a particular style...

...Creation of a Positive Public Image

An abuser focuses on being charming and persuasive during a custody dispute, with an effect that can be highly misleading to Guardians ad Litem, court mediators, judges, police officers, therapists, family members, and friends. He can be skilled at discussing his hurt feelings and at characterizing the relationship as mutually destructive. He will often admit to some milder acts of violence, such as shoving or throwing things, in order to increase his own credibility and create the impression that the victim is exaggerating. He may discuss errors he has made in the past and emphasize the efforts he is making to change, in order to make his partner seem vindictive and unwilling to let go of the past.

Harassment and Intimidation Tactics

Where manipulation and charm do not work, the abuser may switch to intimidation, threatening or attacking those whom he perceives as being supportive to his partner. In the most extreme cases the abuser may attempt to kill the woman, her lawyer, or the children, and sometimes will succeed. In some cases custody evaluators have been afraid to release their recommendations because of their fear of the batterer's retaliation.

Batterers may continue their harassment of the victim for years, through legal channels and other means, causing periodic re-traumatizing of the victim and children and destroying the family's financial position. Motions by abusers for custody or for increases in visitation are common forms of retaliation for things that he is angry about. (They are also used to confuse the court; for example, lawyers who represent abusers encourage clients who are accused of sexual abuse to file for custody immediately; this move will cause the court to treat the allegation as "occurring in the context of a custody dispute.") If the abuser meets with periodic success in court, he may continue his pattern of abuse through the legal system until the children reach majority.

BATTERERS' STYLE IN MEDIATION OR CUSTODY EVALUATION

Batterers naturally strive to turn mediation and GAL processes to their advantage, through the use of various tactics. Perhaps the most common is to adopt the role of a hurt, sensitive man who doesn't understand how things got so bad and just wants to work it all out "for the good of the children." He may cry in front of the mediator or GAL and use language that demonstrates considerable insight into his own feelings. He is likely to be skilled at explaining how other people have turned the victim against him, and how she is denying him access to the children as a form of revenge, "even though she knows full well that I would never do anything to hurt them." ...

Posted at 7:43AM on Apr 28th 2007 by knowledge is power

975. This proves that Kim and Ireland have endured abuse from this man for a long time and have reason to fear. It is only going to get worse until the court takes action to protect them from this man by terminating his rights. I used to be a fan but I will now boycott him. He is only thinking of himself and how he feels not of his daughter and her emotions.

Posted at 9:43PM on Apr 28th 2007 by TJB