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Celebrity Ass-trology -- Lindsay Lohan

6/2/2007 1:19 PM PDT BY TMZ STAFF

Lindsay LohanPoor Lindsay Lohan: We know the LAPD had it out for her last weekend after her late night DUI, but was LiLo's trouble written in the stars? Lindsay, born July 2, 1986, falls under the astrological sign Cancer. TMZ turned to Astrology.com for answers this past week, and found that the party princess' chart was eerily accurate!

According to her daily readings, Lindsay's troubles start on Saturday, May 26 -- the very morning of her car crash debacle! The reading says that Cancers might be "smack in the middle of a rough patch." Ain't that the truth!

On Monday, there are reassuring words for Lilo: "Something's causing a few waves, but not to worry -- your boat's in no danger of capsizing." Nothing another visit to Promises rehab can't fix! "Soon," the reading assures, "you'll be safely on shore."

Thursday's forecast reminds Linds to keep on truckin': "Sometimes you're right; sometimes you're wrong. Either way, though, the fun is in finding out whether you're on the money or a little off the mark." The fun is also in disguising vodka in water bottles and partying sans underwear. "Don't let one setback stop you from exploring unknown territories" -- or going to the club!

Finally on Friday, Lindsay's chart tells her its time to get real. "The stars say it's time to get a start on your spiritual quest. What are the big questions weighing on your soul? What could you do to try and get some answers -- or at least get started on the path?" Change your hair color? Reconciliation with dad? Another "Herbie" movie?

43 COMMENTS

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1.

Cutefemmegirl    

Yeah .... time to straighten up your act, LiLo.

2699 days ago
2.

omg    

omg she really needs to get her act together before its to late.

voted #1 celebrity gossip forum

http://allinone06.proboards74.com

2699 days ago
3.

J Byrd    

Since when are you allowed to leave rehab? What to speak of her "intense, not your normal" rehab. Stupid broad doesn't convince me one damn bit. Now I'm hoping for her fall and I hope she falls right on her face or ass. I also hope she gets busted for coke , loses all her driving privelages for a few years and becomse a joke/laugh anytime someone mentions her name ala whitney, tara, chyna, anna nicole, nicole, britney, etc...
STUPID LOSER!

2699 days ago
4.

Mary    

Yes, it is in the stars and the planetary transiting aspects do affect an individual's astrological chart and, hopefully, wake-up which causes maturity! We have "free will" or "choice" to the severity of the wake-up or an early loss of life!

We see what happened with Paris and, if she doesn't take the straight and narrow after her incarceration, something far worse could happen to her, i.e. loss of life (hers or anothers)! It would appear that she and her parents are now aware of the dire need to wake-up before it's too late.

Only time will tell regarding Lindsay Lohan (continuing plans for a big bash in Las Vegas do not speak to that, however) AND Britney Spears (mother of two young sons under the age of two years).

Good Luck, Paris!!!!

2699 days ago
5.

Matthew Simpson    

OMG what lame ass actually had the time...no, the desire to research this crap? Loser.

2699 days ago
6.

sheridan4u    

Jeez guys, read your OWN website, la la lohan was arrested by BEVERY HILLS PD, not the LAPD!!!!!!!!!!!

2699 days ago
7.

ire    

I say.... another "Herbie" movie. Start over again.

2699 days ago
8.

Lor    

Horscope crap is so vague - it could relate to anyone or anything. It means nothing. You're just getting paid by astrology.com to advertise their site.

2699 days ago
9.

RON    

FYI...a psychic told me LiLo was going to rob bank...http://www.myspace.com/barbiebandits

2699 days ago
10.

disaster    

TMZ's astology also said that Melinda Doolittle would win american idol. So following what the past predicts, looks like Lindsay's gonna stay a lush. So sad that her mom wants to be, like, so totally cool instead of a mother. Lindsay never had a chance.

2699 days ago
11.

Terry    

These celebrities would be better off using palm reading.
When the swelling from alcohol goes down of course.

2699 days ago
12.

Terry    

I predict Lindsey's full moon will collide with the earth sign "Stop"

2699 days ago
13.

jProud American Author    

Real World Translation:
Lindsey take responsibility for your life before it's gone.
That girl is threading on thin ice as the other young starlets are. What's with all of this booze and drugs anyway? Doesn't any one watch a sunset anymore?
http://enlightenedangel.bravehost.com

2699 days ago
14.

loserface    

jeez. i'm a cancer too, and i didn't have any hit and runs.

i'm so ashamed to share anything, even astrology with this whore

2699 days ago
15.

Dr. M    

LINDSAY WATCHES SUN-RISES

Nosce Te Ipsum

IT IS TIME TO START = LINDSAY !

I am getting tired (and sad) of watching you waste everything God has given you -

You are a frustrating little girl -
YOU BETTER GET STR8
B4 IT'S TOO LATE -

Good Luck
Peace

Dr. M

MM

2699 days ago
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