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Celebrity Ass-trology -- Paris Hilton

6/9/2007 12:29 PM PDT BY TMZ STAFF

Paris Hilton's week was quite a confusing one for the heiress/convict, not to mention for the courts, attorneys and Sheriff! Was this week's jail release/recapture drama written in her star sign? TMZ.com checked in with Astrology.com for the answers!

Paris, born February 17, 1981, is an Aquarius. On Sunday, June 3, the day she made her way to the MTV Movie Awards and then relinquished herself to serve time, her horoscope warns that, "Even if you wake up full of aggressive energy, you should stay mellow today." And the stars don't lie! In the face of Sarah Silverman's wisecracking, Paris managed to stay cool as a jail-bound cucumber. Her chart also warns that she "may not be up for those grandiose plans [she] had all lined up just a little while ago. That's okay ... can you see if breaking it down into smaller steps and working from there can get you closer to your goal?" Smaller steps like, say, five days in jail, instead of 45?

On June 6, Paris' horoscope recommends that she, "Find someone who represents everything that you want to be; then emulate your idol." Translation: find a butch inmate to protect you from all the other lovely ladies you're in the slammer with.

June 7, the day of her sheriff-ordered removal from prison to house arrest, Paris' horoscope chides, "A little distraction is one thing, but complete avoidance will just make the situation that much worse." You do the crime, you do the time!

And one day later, as Paris is ordered back to the pokey, in a storm of emotion, her horoscope proved again, to be on point: "The only way to deal with a strong emotion is to feel it." That's right girl, go ahead and cry for your mama!

104 COMMENTS

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1.

juli    

I UNDERSTAND WHY PEOPLE FEEL FOR HER ! BUT FACT IS SHE BROKE THE LAW THREE TIMES AND SHE JUST AS OTHER PERSON HAVE TO DO THE TIME. I AM SURE WHEN A PERSON IS PUT IN JAIL IS NOT A FUN PLACE TO BE BUT I SURE AFTER SHE DOES HER TIME THINK HOW IT FELT BEING IN JAIL , LIKE OTHER PERSON SHE WILL THINK ABOUT HER ACTIONS BEFORE SHE DOES SOMETHING THAT CAN HURT OR KILL ANOTHER BY DRINKING AND DRIVING ,AND ALL THE MONEY IN THE WORLD CAN FIX THAT !
SINC, A VICTIM OF A DRUNK DRIVER

2658 days ago
2.

Grace E.    

Paris Hilton is closer to thirty than twenty so she is a twenty six year old woman. Removing her from jail early only to put her back a day later is unusually cruel. Research cases similar to hers and such antics are not evident or the norm what so ever. A patient with TB that can kill entire populations was permitted to fly not one but five commericail airplanes before turning himself in and yet all the focus is on this pathetic Hilton case.

2658 days ago
3.

Paul Gardner    

Can't help it . I LOVED the photo of Paris crying her eyes out in the back seat of that patrol car. Just deserts.

2658 days ago
4.

Joe    

Paris should be freed!

2658 days ago
5.

jay    

ok I want to know why our whole country is so obsessed with this case. If you look at it it's so stupid, now the OJ Simpson trial I can understand why that was so publisized. it was a murder trial involving somebody who actually worked his ass off to get fame and furtune. But this is such a minor case. It's as simple as this she got drunk( Just a regular night for her right) she decided to drive, got arrested, got probation, then she violated the probation by driving with a suspended licence. She's completely guilty! When I was reading on the internet and I saw the picture of her in the police car with tears rolling down her face then I heard later about how in court she was violently shaking, crying, and turning around and mouthing "I love you" to her parents through the whole court hearing. Then when she was actually told to go back to jail she started balling and screaming " No this isn't right!" and "Mom!Mom!Mom!" What were her parents going to do for this in the first place, well besides try and pay off the judge. And after reading all of this I couldn't help but feel sorry for her, then I realized that this girl is totally guilty and she deserves this completely! Paris, along with most of America, is acting like she was framed for this when she brought it all on herself. So we all knew that paris would get sent to jail sooner or later for her behavior so lets all just shut up about this and start talking about a story that really matters!

2658 days ago
6.

Nani    

Here's a thought... write E! Entertainment and tell them what a horrible role model Paris is to ANYBODY and ask them to take the "Simple Life" off the air. It's a worthless waste of TV time anyway. Just a postcard even will work.

E! Entertainment Television, Inc.
5750 Wilshire Boulevard
Los Angeles, CA 90036

2658 days ago
7.

michael    

TO BLEEDIN SCAB----CAN I HAVE YOUR NIECES #

2658 days ago
8.

lala    

LOVE YOU PARIS!

2658 days ago
9.

David C.    

This whole thing is such a joke! I am not for or against Paris...but the fact remains she screwed up!! I am sick of all these wealthy people thinking its "ok" not to obey the law...then try to avoid the punishment when they get busted....If anyone I dislike the most in this is her goofball of a mother!! She obviously did a crappy job instilling any morals or common sense into her daughter...lets put mom in there for a while instead. Martha Stewart did her time,kept her mouth shut and walked away gracefully....Paris should do the same. Time heals all wounds...but to carry on like a baby as Paris has will only prolong the agony...GROW UP PARIS!!!

2658 days ago
10.

A Mother    

1st of all her "Jail Time" is not like real jail time, she is not with the rest of the population, she is now being assessed for her "mental problems"...she is still being treated differently, and that is what she lives for so she should be happy..she is still getting attention, good, bad or indefferent so all should be good. She is just a spoiled brat who thinks she is above the law and she's not--get it she broke the law and now she has to pay!

2658 days ago
11.

Me    

to everyone who is standing up for paris. if she killed a loved one of yours, would you still want her out of jail??? no me either. so let her stay in jail because she will still continue to thumb her nose at the law. also she would stand behind you if you were in trouble.

2658 days ago
12.

Angel    

# 9 maybe you should of had your head pinched-off at birth. If your brother is anything like you no wonder your nince is the way she is you know nothing about Kids and being raised in the 60's an d 70's didn't seem to make you a good person. If you knew anything about kids you would know that your nince is doing all these things for attention because it doesn't sound like she getting any love from her Family!!!!!

2658 days ago
13.

brianbb    

Here's what people don't get.

YES, she should be punished like others. But she isn't like others. She's not anonymous. She can't blend in. It isn't like a bad summer camp for her like it is for other chicks.

She is basically in solitary confinement for 23 hours a day. How would you like to be in a 12x8 cell for 23 hours a day for 3 1/2 weeks?

The other chicks in general are NOT TREATED LIKE THAT. Solitary is considered very extreme.

She has no other prisoners to talk to. Other prisoners have dozens of people to befriend, etc.

So it just isn't the same.

I've never been a Paris fan at all, but if you have any humanity you have to feel for someone in this situation.

2658 days ago
14.

appauled by the stalkarazzi    

Paris’s lawyers and PR team should have just left well enough alone.

They’ve pretty much ruined her marketability and name.

Who in their right mind now would by merchandise endorsed by Paris or pay to enter parties/ functions that she’ll be present at????

At least if she had sucked it up and stayed the original 23 days, she would have faired better in the public eye and look like a fairly reasonable adult.

But, now her names only means thumb sucking rich bitch who tried to con her way out of her jail sentence with clostaphobia. Hello Paris!!!!! Everyone suffers from some stress due to being confined in a cell. It's part of being confined. But, unlike you they don’t get special treatment and throw crying jag tantrums to get a pass go for free card!!

2658 days ago
15.

Standards are badly needed.    

Paris4Ever - NO, she's not all the culture 'we' got. (should read we've.) She may be all the culture YOU'VE got. Here's a tip; need culture? Go take an English class and learn your contractions, learn to spell, and voila! You will eventually guffaw at the thought that anyone could ever consider Paris and the word culture in the same sentence.

2658 days ago
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