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Does the Joker Have a Crooked Poker?

8/4/2007 2:30 PM PDT BY TMZ STAFF

So this is how Jack Nicholson keeps so many women on the hook! TMZ has exclusively learned that a new unauthorized biography on the joker suggests that Nicholson has a uniquely shaped member.

That's just one of the things revealed in "Five Easy Decades," the new unauthorized tell-all from author Dennis McDougal. Among the never-before revealed details: A self-portrait that Nicholson scrawled in pen, and photos of the hot tub in Nicholson's Hollywood Hills home. The hot tub is the infamous hot spot where "Chinatown" director Roman Polanski allegedly raped a 13-year-old girl more than thirty years ago.

The book also dishes on Jack's family secrets, and as reported in Page Six, his cadre of illegitimate children.


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Oscar in Miami Beach    

Who the F**K cares?. Even when he was young he was nothing much to look at. Anyway, all he is trying to do is keep on the tradition of how he was made. His mother was his sister and his grandmother was in the mix also. Talk about New Jersey. Real ugly thing they did in there. It is not difficult to understand that the child will grow up with a crooked pecker, probably, from trying to f**k himself in disgust. Keep on the good work, Jack. Ha,ha,ha....

2574 days ago

Kitty Meow Meow    

Jack Nicholson is a washed up jerk. Nobody cares about him. He's not interesting. Even with a crooked, bare thingy. Ew.

2574 days ago

Go with the Flow!    

Yuck, he is old and uses Viagara and who cares if it is crooked, he is a disgusting
old fart. Very arrogant.

2574 days ago

george vieto    

He was the greatest Joker of all time in the Batman movies. Cesar Romero was the funniest Joker of the Batman tv series.

2574 days ago


Actually, Polansky drugged, raped and sodomized a 13 year old girl. And there's nothing 'allegedly' about it.

2574 days ago

Grace E.    

comment 17 is inapproperate. 13 is a child.

2574 days ago

Piglet Baldwin    

If Jack has a wonky wienie we would have known by now.

2574 days ago


There are some factual problems with this piece:
Showing the infamous hottub where Roman Polanski "allegedly" raped a 13 year-old girl, implies that Nicholson owned the house and hottub when it happened, but he did not, Bob Evans did. Also, Polanski was convicted of that rape and is a fugitive from U.S. justice. The term "allegedly" is reserved for those who have been accused, BUT NOT CONVICTED of a crime.

2574 days ago


Crooked, straight, droopy, knotted, circular, squared, triangular, needle nosed.....who cares? As long as Jack remains a "STAND UP" guy who is loaded he'll get all the babes that "I" should be getting and many more.

2573 days ago


Jack Nicholson owned the house on Mulholland Drive, but was away on a ski trip when the Polanski incident occurred.

Although indicted on various counts, Polanski plea-bargained and plead guilty to (and was convicted of) one charge of statutory rape, and subsequently avoided trial. Polanski was subjected to approximately 42 days of psychiatric testing. Soon after the conclusion of the tests, he feld to France before the judge was able to hand down his sentencing. Polanski is a French citizen.

Nicholson had nothing to do with this matter.

2573 days ago


EWWWWW!!!!! I DO NOT want to hear about Jack Nicholson's "member"!

2573 days ago


Polanski was never convicted. The charges of rape, sodomy and administration of drugs were dropped. Since they were never proven, yes, it is "allegedly". Medical examination of the girl turned up no evidence of forcible rape, and no signs of intoxication. The judge and all the partie sinvolved agreed on a plea bargain, then the judge chaged his mind (after Polanski had already served time in jail). Judge wanted Polanski to be deported, and he got his wish, sort of. End of story.

Jack Nicholson = a legend. Some of the posters here = sorry losers.

2573 days ago


To Suzy: You're right on most points. But conviction refers to, among other things, a plea of guilty, which Polanski did plead, in court, to having unlawful sex with a minor (a.k.a. in other states as statutory rape -- not forcible rape). All the other charges were dropped.

By all reports, the judge had decided to give Polanski a light sentence, but intended to expel him from the US as well. But his flight to France did officially tag him as a fugitive from justice.

I still feel that TMZ blew it on this crummy story -- in more ways than one.

2573 days ago

Just Thinking    

You know its the dog days of summer when TMZ has to go digging in the crotch of an actor! Since he is not guy, or bi; since he is not out front with DWIs or acting stupid, TMZ has to come up with this garbage? Shame. Jack is a fantastic actor who actually chooses his roles and studies his parts. Regarding Viagara, so what. Nothing illegal or immoral there. Why don't we go back and talk about all the boob jobs others have had, face lifts and nose shavings, for pete's sake. Why don't we discuss the abortions and meds others are doing? Jack still sits well at the games!

(PS I don't like all the characters Jack plays but I am not supposed to either. He acts well.)

2573 days ago


If a man's "member" is bent or has a curve, whatever the case, he's more than likely to find that G-spot without directions. :)

He went with Angelica Huston for years and then he met up with that younger woman who had his kids, and poor Angelica was left out in the cold. That's the only issue I have with him. I think he's a fabulous actor and definitely not a has-been. I'm sure he's getting new scripts constantly, and when you're that good of an actor, you can pick and choose what you want to do.

2573 days ago
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