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Von A-Hole's Fornication Examination

4/10/2008 7:12 PM PDT BY TMZ STAFF

If you missed our LIVE feed, check out the insane highlights from today's testimony, including how the Ivy-eating, Rolls Royce-driving A-Hole is totally broke, and the courtroom fireworks that erupt when he's asked who was caring for sick wife Zsa Zsa while he was out "fornicating with Anna Nicole Smith?" Good stuff!


Here's a log of today's proceedings...

UPDATE 2:12 PM PT:
AND THAT'S A WRAP, FOLKS! And now we wait. In a totally anti-climactic move, we're told the judge is going to mail a verdict out to the parties. LAME!

UPDATE 2:03 PM PT:
Pants on feuer, pants on feuer -- Edward Lee is trying to paint Smeten as a big fat ly-ah!

UPDATE 1:56 PM PT: Ahole's lawyer is pooh-poohing Smeten's claim about suffering from high blood pressure, comparing it to the same reaction you'd get from playing b-ball.

UPDATE 1:50 PM PT: Edward Lee tells the judge that Dirk Smeten "staged" the incident.

UPDATE 1:42 PM PT:
Ok -- now we get Ahole's guy's summation -- we're hoping for gloves, table-pounding, some rhyming at least!!!

UPDATE 1:39 PM PT: Smeten wants $117K in compensatory damages, a multiple of seven times his medical bills -- interesting math -- and $20K in punitives -- and that's all for his lawyer.

UPDATE 1:37 PT:
Pap's lawyer calls VAH's attack "sudden, unprovoked, and vicious" and claims that he threatened to kill Smeten -- Ahole looks deeply unimpressed so far.

UPDATE 1:35 PM PT:
Here comes the pap lawyer's big closing ...

UPDATE 1:30 PM PT:
Empty that colostomy bag, get your Oreos ready -- the Wackdaddy Currently Known as Prince is in his seat, and we're just waiting for the judge to start.

UPDATE 11:12 AM PT:
Time for a lil' wienerschnitzel, folks -- lunch break until 1:30 PST.

UPDATE 11:02 AM PT:
DAY-UM!!!!!! The pap's lawyer just asked, "Who was taking care of Zsa Zsa while you were fornicating with Anna Nicole Smith?" and just got a smackdown from the judge for the q! OMG OMG!

UPDATE 10:54 AM PT:
ZSA-ZSA IS VAH'S BANK! He says he has no assets or income except the $200 in his wallet, which he actually pulls out -- mein gott, oh so sad, and admits that it's "shopping money for the household."

UPDATE 10:44 AM PT:
Ahole says what set him off was that the photog called Zsa Zsa scheintot -- which is a expression for "almost dead," says TMZ's German.

UPDATE 10:40 AM PT:
How do you say "totally deluded" in German, again? Ahole claims that his picture gets sent to the "most powerful papers in Europe."

Click to view!UPDATE 10:33 AM PT:
Von D-bag just apologized for getting Z-Z's age wrong yesterday -- she was 89 at the time of the alleged incident, not 98, and she's 91 now.

UPDATE 10:32 AM PT:
VAH IS BACK for more direct questioning from his lawyer! Look out!

UPDATE 10:13 AM PT: The plaintiff's lawyer just finished with the doc, and VAH's lawyer then asked about how strong Ahole was. We're thinkin' -- tight muscles. Breaktime -- back in 15.

UPDATE 10:11 AM PT:
Yahtzee! The direct on the doc is done -- but VAH is perilously close to naptime. Achtung!

UPDATE 9:55 AM PT:
VAH is sporting a jaunty orange yellow-and-red pocket square today, as in, "Orange you tired of all this medical-bill blahdy-blah already?" Let Ahole rip!

UPDATE 9:46 AM PT:
Dr. McNamee says the pap's neck injuries are bo-gus and couldn't have been caused by VAH, based on the video and the medical records.

Click to view!UPDATE 9:41 AM PT: Whoaaaa doc -- the judge wants him to slow his fast-talkin' down ... he's racing like that guy from the '80s FedEx ad. Nice old-school reference, Your Honor.

UPDATE 9:38 AM PT: The doctor is questioning how the photog could've gotten a lip laceration because it didn't look like he was being hit on the video he looked at.

UPDATE 9:36 AM PT:
Doc says a 3-year-old pushing on a person and a 280-pound person pushing on a person would have different impacts. Trenchant medical analysis.

UPDATE 9:35 AM PT:
The doctor is getting paid 500 bucks per hour for his medical expert witness work -- and he says he's worked about two hours.

UPDATE 9:30 AM PT: The defense's expert witness is Dr. Kevin McNamee, a doctor of chiropractic and a licensed acupuncturist.

UPDATE 9:25 AM PT: Guten morgen! The judge is in place, Ahole is on his throne, and we're ready to roll.
69 COMMENTS

No Avatar
1.

1st    

first

2286 days ago
2.

pissed!!    

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYY THANKS TMZ

2286 days ago
3.

TMZSUCKS!    

Zsa Zsa gabor is an old fat bitch. She was so freaking jealous and mean to Marilyn Monroe.

2286 days ago
4.

mb    

fourth - thats so dumb

2286 days ago
5.

Ms_Tell_It_Like_It_Is    

The Fake Prince is definitely an enemabag, but he is totally in the right on this one. Nasty, lying, stalking paps and this one is a wimpy cry-baby just trying to suck money out of ZsaZsa and Ahole another way, since he couldnt do it by intruding on their life and taking pics.

CELEBS NEED TO CARRY PEPPER SPRAY AND USE IT FREELY ON PAPS.

2286 days ago
6.

Cartman    

If this sucker wins his suit against that old man I am becoming a pap and am gonna stalk rich victims.




2286 days ago
7.

Jackiemichele    

This is actually very interesting to watch. I almost wish I had continued with my dream of becoming a lawyer.

2286 days ago
8.

good grief!    

bitch-slapped!!!! go your honor!!!

2286 days ago
9.

just me    

Seems the general gest of this doctor's opinion of the photog's tale and injury complaint is that it is all just a lot of lying malarkey.

2286 days ago
10.

Irish    

I can't believe this made it all the way to trial. What a waste of taxpayer dollars. Only in America!

2286 days ago
11.

just a thought    

HEY FOR YOU ARTIE LANGE FANS... LOVE HIM, HE WALKED OFF THE HOWARD STERN SHOW THIS MORNING...

2286 days ago
12.

sharon    

I love how he is wearing a yellow jacket,,, too funny,, i love this guy,,

2286 days ago
13.

Laurie    

If you listen very closely to the video from yesterday, he actually said 90 years old, not 98, and she would have been 90 years old as of the date they asked him to answer for. They guy may not be everyone's idea of wonderful, but I am quite sure he knows how old his wife is.

2286 days ago
14.

pissed!!    

actually he said 98.... if YOU listen closely you would hear that.... but what he meant to say was that she was 88 at the time

2286 days ago
15.

Michelle LL    

You just love this TMZ don't you !!!

2286 days ago
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