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Von A-Hole's Fornication Examination

4/10/2008 7:12 PM PDT BY TMZ STAFF

If you missed our LIVE feed, check out the insane highlights from today's testimony, including how the Ivy-eating, Rolls Royce-driving A-Hole is totally broke, and the courtroom fireworks that erupt when he's asked who was caring for sick wife Zsa Zsa while he was out "fornicating with Anna Nicole Smith?" Good stuff!


Here's a log of today's proceedings...

UPDATE 2:12 PM PT:
AND THAT'S A WRAP, FOLKS! And now we wait. In a totally anti-climactic move, we're told the judge is going to mail a verdict out to the parties. LAME!

UPDATE 2:03 PM PT:
Pants on feuer, pants on feuer -- Edward Lee is trying to paint Smeten as a big fat ly-ah!

UPDATE 1:56 PM PT: Ahole's lawyer is pooh-poohing Smeten's claim about suffering from high blood pressure, comparing it to the same reaction you'd get from playing b-ball.

UPDATE 1:50 PM PT: Edward Lee tells the judge that Dirk Smeten "staged" the incident.

UPDATE 1:42 PM PT:
Ok -- now we get Ahole's guy's summation -- we're hoping for gloves, table-pounding, some rhyming at least!!!

UPDATE 1:39 PM PT: Smeten wants $117K in compensatory damages, a multiple of seven times his medical bills -- interesting math -- and $20K in punitives -- and that's all for his lawyer.

UPDATE 1:37 PT:
Pap's lawyer calls VAH's attack "sudden, unprovoked, and vicious" and claims that he threatened to kill Smeten -- Ahole looks deeply unimpressed so far.

UPDATE 1:35 PM PT:
Here comes the pap lawyer's big closing ...

UPDATE 1:30 PM PT:
Empty that colostomy bag, get your Oreos ready -- the Wackdaddy Currently Known as Prince is in his seat, and we're just waiting for the judge to start.

UPDATE 11:12 AM PT:
Time for a lil' wienerschnitzel, folks -- lunch break until 1:30 PST.

UPDATE 11:02 AM PT:
DAY-UM!!!!!! The pap's lawyer just asked, "Who was taking care of Zsa Zsa while you were fornicating with Anna Nicole Smith?" and just got a smackdown from the judge for the q! OMG OMG!

UPDATE 10:54 AM PT:
ZSA-ZSA IS VAH'S BANK! He says he has no assets or income except the $200 in his wallet, which he actually pulls out -- mein gott, oh so sad, and admits that it's "shopping money for the household."

UPDATE 10:44 AM PT:
Ahole says what set him off was that the photog called Zsa Zsa scheintot -- which is a expression for "almost dead," says TMZ's German.

UPDATE 10:40 AM PT:
How do you say "totally deluded" in German, again? Ahole claims that his picture gets sent to the "most powerful papers in Europe."

Click to view!UPDATE 10:33 AM PT:
Von D-bag just apologized for getting Z-Z's age wrong yesterday -- she was 89 at the time of the alleged incident, not 98, and she's 91 now.

UPDATE 10:32 AM PT:
VAH IS BACK for more direct questioning from his lawyer! Look out!

UPDATE 10:13 AM PT: The plaintiff's lawyer just finished with the doc, and VAH's lawyer then asked about how strong Ahole was. We're thinkin' -- tight muscles. Breaktime -- back in 15.

UPDATE 10:11 AM PT:
Yahtzee! The direct on the doc is done -- but VAH is perilously close to naptime. Achtung!

UPDATE 9:55 AM PT:
VAH is sporting a jaunty orange yellow-and-red pocket square today, as in, "Orange you tired of all this medical-bill blahdy-blah already?" Let Ahole rip!

UPDATE 9:46 AM PT:
Dr. McNamee says the pap's neck injuries are bo-gus and couldn't have been caused by VAH, based on the video and the medical records.

Click to view!UPDATE 9:41 AM PT: Whoaaaa doc -- the judge wants him to slow his fast-talkin' down ... he's racing like that guy from the '80s FedEx ad. Nice old-school reference, Your Honor.

UPDATE 9:38 AM PT: The doctor is questioning how the photog could've gotten a lip laceration because it didn't look like he was being hit on the video he looked at.

UPDATE 9:36 AM PT:
Doc says a 3-year-old pushing on a person and a 280-pound person pushing on a person would have different impacts. Trenchant medical analysis.

UPDATE 9:35 AM PT:
The doctor is getting paid 500 bucks per hour for his medical expert witness work -- and he says he's worked about two hours.

UPDATE 9:30 AM PT: The defense's expert witness is Dr. Kevin McNamee, a doctor of chiropractic and a licensed acupuncturist.

UPDATE 9:25 AM PT: Guten morgen! The judge is in place, Ahole is on his throne, and we're ready to roll.
69 COMMENTS

No Avatar
46.

Mary    

There's nothing unusual about a verdict being mailed in a civil case of this type. The courts don't take TMZ's pathetic needs into account. Hah, TMZ DENIED!

2385 days ago
47.

Kim Rocks    

LEAVE VON ALONE he's not doing well right now, he's going through rough times right now LEAVE HIM ALONE how dare you freaking call him an a hole LEAVE A HOLE ALONE I mean Von..... LMAO just joking...




2385 days ago
48.

Frank    

Mr Von Anus-hole is a WW2 war criminal responsible for murdering thousands at Auschwitz. He should be HANGED !

2385 days ago
49.

R    

Put the mike closer. Stupids!

2385 days ago
50.

Kim Rocks    

I think this man is an a hole for real. It was pretty sad when he was trying to get publicity when Ana Nicole died....


2385 days ago
51.

Kim Rocks    

Shove the mic in his a hole we'll probably hear him better.....

2385 days ago
52.

bsb fan    

Who the hell cares? This is worse than you guys covering Paris Hilton going to jail!


Come on TMZ... with Britney getting better you guys have gotten worse!!

2385 days ago
53.

pls    

You guy talked bad about him for 2 days and he was nice enough to stop and entertain you, very immature people working for tmz he is a nice guy why keep knocking him down. Why humiliate him asking him what is your job? Im sick of this site bunch of kids.

2385 days ago
54.

Sharona    

What does that have to do with this assault case?....just as I thought....nothing!

2385 days ago
55.

Bo    

Yawn, enough already. Let's have some real news, quit slacking. Stop picking on these old f*rts.

2385 days ago
56.

pissed!!    

The lawyer obviously had nothing else to go on, so he had to make Frederic look bad. What an a-hole!!

2385 days ago
57.

del    

Actually, the Prince comes off as quite charming and endearing on the stand. He engenders quite a bit of sympathy because of his age and his pleasant demeanor. He looks confused and scared when the opposing counsel attacks him about Anna Nicole; I don't think he even heard the question completely. Opposing counsel should clue in to the fact that, when you're young and you attack an old man on the stand, you'd better be able to do it in such a way that you don't alienate the jury.

2385 days ago
58.

del    

When women are with older men for their money (Clooney's gf, the various wives of Clint Eastwood, etc etc etc) TMZ goes crazy for them. But when an older woman marries a younger man (and this guy ain't exactly a spring chicken) and the MAN is the one living off the woman's wealth, TMZ calls him an A-hole constantly. Where are your A-hole comments for Clooney's waitress/stripper GF who quite her job to live off of him, and they're not even married? Or the slew of other women who routinely do this in Hollywood? What was ancient Tony Randall's wife when they married? 12?

2385 days ago
59.

Debra    

WARNING!!! WARNING!!! WARNING!!!

After leaving my comments on a US Weekly article today (Nicole's Baby) it really got under another poster's skin and she started freaking out and leaving lots of other comments under her name and other names. Whatever. But, IMAGINE MY SURPRISE when she fired back with another comment telling everyone my full name (first and last) even though all I had used was my first name!!!

Somehow "Smoothie Sucks" (her name) was able to obtain my last name!!!!!

So, either "Sucks" works for US Weekly and therefore has access to EVERYONE'S NAME and of course EVERYONE'S E-MAIL ADDRESSES or she knows someone who works there that was willing to jeopardize their job by giving her that info or someone is hacking into their system.

It gets even worse if you are a member of usmagazine.com because when you join they ask for your REAL ADDRESS and your TELEPHONE NO. and she can get that info too.

So if you VALUE YOUR PRIVACY or your ANONIMITY, forget it. US Weekly is giving out personal information. I have reported this and will follow it up until I find out how they did this.

BTW. I've been trying to post this warning on the other US sitres but they won't let me. It keeps "disappearing."

2385 days ago
60.

Mary    

To #58: Why the h*** would you want to be signed up to trash like US Weekly in the first place? The way you protect your anonymity is DON'T SIGN UP. I am registered on ONE entertainment site (a local radio station) and NOWHERE ELSE. I have NO livejournal, NO myspace or facebook page, NOTHING. Nobody else in the world gives a fart how hard my classes are or how I feel today (or at least nobody SHOULD). Why are you and millions of other people giving ammo to crazy people with both hands?!

2385 days ago
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