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Von A-Hole's Fornication Examination

4/10/2008 7:12 PM PDT BY TMZ STAFF

If you missed our LIVE feed, check out the insane highlights from today's testimony, including how the Ivy-eating, Rolls Royce-driving A-Hole is totally broke, and the courtroom fireworks that erupt when he's asked who was caring for sick wife Zsa Zsa while he was out "fornicating with Anna Nicole Smith?" Good stuff!


Here's a log of today's proceedings...

UPDATE 2:12 PM PT:
AND THAT'S A WRAP, FOLKS! And now we wait. In a totally anti-climactic move, we're told the judge is going to mail a verdict out to the parties. LAME!

UPDATE 2:03 PM PT:
Pants on feuer, pants on feuer -- Edward Lee is trying to paint Smeten as a big fat ly-ah!

UPDATE 1:56 PM PT: Ahole's lawyer is pooh-poohing Smeten's claim about suffering from high blood pressure, comparing it to the same reaction you'd get from playing b-ball.

UPDATE 1:50 PM PT: Edward Lee tells the judge that Dirk Smeten "staged" the incident.

UPDATE 1:42 PM PT:
Ok -- now we get Ahole's guy's summation -- we're hoping for gloves, table-pounding, some rhyming at least!!!

UPDATE 1:39 PM PT: Smeten wants $117K in compensatory damages, a multiple of seven times his medical bills -- interesting math -- and $20K in punitives -- and that's all for his lawyer.

UPDATE 1:37 PT:
Pap's lawyer calls VAH's attack "sudden, unprovoked, and vicious" and claims that he threatened to kill Smeten -- Ahole looks deeply unimpressed so far.

UPDATE 1:35 PM PT:
Here comes the pap lawyer's big closing ...

UPDATE 1:30 PM PT:
Empty that colostomy bag, get your Oreos ready -- the Wackdaddy Currently Known as Prince is in his seat, and we're just waiting for the judge to start.

UPDATE 11:12 AM PT:
Time for a lil' wienerschnitzel, folks -- lunch break until 1:30 PST.

UPDATE 11:02 AM PT:
DAY-UM!!!!!! The pap's lawyer just asked, "Who was taking care of Zsa Zsa while you were fornicating with Anna Nicole Smith?" and just got a smackdown from the judge for the q! OMG OMG!

UPDATE 10:54 AM PT:
ZSA-ZSA IS VAH'S BANK! He says he has no assets or income except the $200 in his wallet, which he actually pulls out -- mein gott, oh so sad, and admits that it's "shopping money for the household."

UPDATE 10:44 AM PT:
Ahole says what set him off was that the photog called Zsa Zsa scheintot -- which is a expression for "almost dead," says TMZ's German.

UPDATE 10:40 AM PT:
How do you say "totally deluded" in German, again? Ahole claims that his picture gets sent to the "most powerful papers in Europe."

Click to view!UPDATE 10:33 AM PT:
Von D-bag just apologized for getting Z-Z's age wrong yesterday -- she was 89 at the time of the alleged incident, not 98, and she's 91 now.

UPDATE 10:32 AM PT:
VAH IS BACK for more direct questioning from his lawyer! Look out!

UPDATE 10:13 AM PT: The plaintiff's lawyer just finished with the doc, and VAH's lawyer then asked about how strong Ahole was. We're thinkin' -- tight muscles. Breaktime -- back in 15.

UPDATE 10:11 AM PT:
Yahtzee! The direct on the doc is done -- but VAH is perilously close to naptime. Achtung!

UPDATE 9:55 AM PT:
VAH is sporting a jaunty orange yellow-and-red pocket square today, as in, "Orange you tired of all this medical-bill blahdy-blah already?" Let Ahole rip!

UPDATE 9:46 AM PT:
Dr. McNamee says the pap's neck injuries are bo-gus and couldn't have been caused by VAH, based on the video and the medical records.

Click to view!UPDATE 9:41 AM PT: Whoaaaa doc -- the judge wants him to slow his fast-talkin' down ... he's racing like that guy from the '80s FedEx ad. Nice old-school reference, Your Honor.

UPDATE 9:38 AM PT: The doctor is questioning how the photog could've gotten a lip laceration because it didn't look like he was being hit on the video he looked at.

UPDATE 9:36 AM PT:
Doc says a 3-year-old pushing on a person and a 280-pound person pushing on a person would have different impacts. Trenchant medical analysis.

UPDATE 9:35 AM PT:
The doctor is getting paid 500 bucks per hour for his medical expert witness work -- and he says he's worked about two hours.

UPDATE 9:30 AM PT: The defense's expert witness is Dr. Kevin McNamee, a doctor of chiropractic and a licensed acupuncturist.

UPDATE 9:25 AM PT: Guten morgen! The judge is in place, Ahole is on his throne, and we're ready to roll.
69 COMMENTS

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Previous 15 Comments | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5
61.

breezyme    

i don;t care if this guy is right or wrong about the paps, which i am sure he is, they totally need to be contained or have some kind of bill passed for harrassment, just look at what happened to Princess Diana & those idiots.... BUT... this guy need to win DOUCHEBAG of the year...no decade award. such a von a-hole!

2205 days ago
62.

Jane    

What is with TMZ? Your headlines are always so juvenile. I know this is only a gossip rag on-line, but really, you are insulting our intelligence with your dumb narratives.

2205 days ago
63.

EGGO    

i THOUGHT O J WAS THE TRIAL OF THE CENTURY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2205 days ago
64.

Alan    

Give the Prince a break. This time he is right. Besides he loves the attention.

2205 days ago
65.

MartiniBeeni    

I love you coverages on Von A-Hole! It's the best thing since strawberry Cheesecake! I love the guy who narrates his stories. The Funnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnniest. Just looking at VAH you can't help but laugh ;o)

2205 days ago
66.

AL GOREs VAGINA    

LOOK !....VHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO SHOW ZE WORLD ZHAT I AM JUST A NORMAL MALE WHO HAPPENS TO BE A PRINCE !...I LOVE VOMEN AND I LOVE MY VIFE !....FOURTEEN YEAR OLD BOYS ?....VELL..DAT IS A DIFFERENT STORY.

ANY VAY I LOVE YOU ALL AND A APPRECIATE YOUR SUPPORT...SEE YOU ALL AT ZE " IVY " !!!

2205 days ago
67.

pissed!!    

Badger,
he staged it... lol.......

2205 days ago
68.

A. QUINN    

I LOVE VON AHOLE, HE IS THE BEST A HOLE AND THE BEST PUTO IN LOS ANGELES.

2205 days ago
69.

KK    

Why do you report on this fool, really not a celebrity????? He must chase you all down, what a worthless media whore.

2205 days ago
Previous 15 Comments | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5

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