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Barkley: All I Really Wanted Was Oral Sex

1/1/2009 10:44 AM PST BY TMZ STAFF

This may be the very best police report of 2008. When Charles Barkley was busted in Arizona early NYE morning for DUI, he told cops he ran a stop sign because he was in a hurry to get some oral sex.

According to the officer who wrote the report, "He told me that he ran the stop sign because he was in a hurry to pick up the girl I saw get in the passenger seat."

The officer continues: "He asked me to admit that she was 'hot.' He asked me, 'You want the truth?' When I told him I did he said, 'I was gonna drive around the corner and get a b**w job. He then explained that she had given him a 'b**w job' one week earlier and said it was the best one he had ever had in his life."

The report says when Barkley was taken to the station, he told one of the employees, "I'll tattoo my name on your ass" if he helped "get him out of the DUI." According to the report, "He laughed and then quickly corrected himself and said, 'I'll tattoo your name on my ass' and then laughed again."

The report also says officers "found a handgun in the vehicle" which was immediately impounded. The report doesn't say if the handgun was legal or not, and the only thing that we know for sure was loaded...

147 COMMENTS

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16.

Kendra Would Rock Your C**k!    

He actually had INCREDIBLE talent unlike Diddly$hit, 'Lil' (Brain) Wayne, Kanye Turdlips, Usher and all of the other ZERO TALENT mongrels lip-synching to others music.
And above all ... He pays his bills (sometimes reluctantly) but DOES pay them.
And best of all ... He was an AUBURN TIGER! WAAAAAAR EAGLE!

2061 days ago
17.

Rhonda    

mykillvix -- jealous much?

Charles is fine and his gig may be easy, NOW. However, Charles played his @ss off and earned the right to the job he has now. Everything looks easy from the outside.

Unfortunate, about the dui; should have parked the car and taken a cab.

2061 days ago
18.

Barfalufugus    

Barkley Beaver and his "girl" both sound like sleaze bags!

2061 days ago
19.

ChuckyDee    

And to think, this dumb ass was talking about running for Gov of Alabama. What a joke.

2061 days ago
20.

tacoluv    

AAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAAAAA LOLOLOOOLOL........I love this guy!

2061 days ago
21.

Joanne    

He should have paid for a room; instead of doing something like that in public. How disgusting. Ugh.. Ewwwww.....

2061 days ago
22.

Kory    

LMAO!!! Love the honesty!

2061 days ago
23.

LST    

@ #13

Rant some more about Charles Barkley mking great music.
How racist of you to list composed of all African American artists and call them mongrels. You just stuck your foot in your mouth, Charles doesn't make music, that's "Gnarles Barkley."

2061 days ago
24.

Lori    

What a dumba$$. He looks like a Milk Dud and obviously has the intelligence of one too.

2061 days ago
25.

Sharona    

Well ESPN should be real proud of him now....................

2061 days ago
26.

Wayne Newtn    

Hey "But I am le tired..."

Read this post from some dude named "einstine"...It makes pure sense !!!!




one and all,

i must resurrect my hypothesis that of which i am most known: 'Bling
Splatt the Cause of Pre-Mature Death among Rappers'.

As submitted to the New England Journal of Health, the American
Medical Association, National Geographic, Reader's Digest, and
Redbook.

My postulate that the root cause of death among rappers is not due to
black on black crime, per se. But, due to the inordinate use of metals
within the framework of their upper torso, in the region of what is
known on the street as 'da grill'. Commonly used metals such as
silver, gold, platinum, and an occasional diamond or two (dependent
upon the rappers ability to sell their wares - ie records - ) as
placed in the oral cavity of said rapper, causes reactions such that
mortality rates are a foregone conclusion. There is no cure for
'Bling Splatt", the diagnosis is death.

What causes 'Bling Splatt'? There is no simple answer. My theory
revolves about the idea that low IO levels of said rappers combined
with calcuim and phosphorous (previously stated in street slang as
'da grill') when mixed with metals and/or metallic objects react such
that positively charged electrons are emitted which when released
within the parietal lobe send such a large electrical pulse
throughout the parietal region of the brain, that the organ cannot
absorb...in essence...KABOOM !!!...the brain has exploded...ie "Brain
Splatt".

Collegues at the Bellevue Mental Hospital, Def Jam Records Inc.,
Johns Hopkins Medical University, and Toys 'R Us are in concert with
my hypothesis, theories, and ideas. They are all in agreement that
more study and review is needed in this arena of medicine. I have
applied for a $500 Billion bailout for study and research and a few
luxury amenities for myself (Mustang Ranch, Nevada trips for me and
the staff, and dubs for my Prius). President-elect Obama has been
apprised of this situation and receives daily updates as to which
rapper is next believed to contract the illness as such. The Central
Intelligence Agency (CIA), the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI),
the Secret Service, MI6, Scotland Yard, and Elmer Fudd are conducting
intelligence quotient (IO) tests on secretly on unsuspecting rappers,
as we speak, in order to compile and update their existing files of
low intelligence rappers.

Such a twist of fate that belies our 'mos def freestylin'
word-slangin' prophets. That there by the grace of God, he shall
speak. But, there by the grace of God, when he speaks with mouths
full of 'bling', his head will go BOOM !!!

My services are rendered to expose the truth regards the death of our
nations rappers. Word !!!

einStinE

2061 days ago
27.

Rip It Up    

He's a pig, but he admits it.

2061 days ago
28.

wasted days and wasted nights    

Was she hot or devine?

2061 days ago
29.

Don    

What a great role model. Right up there with Wesley Snipes...

Well, at least Obama was elected and has a shot to undo the damage of these idiots.

2061 days ago
30.

repoman    

Who doesn't want a BJ after a night of heavy drinking ahahahaaaaaa you got caught son!

2061 days ago
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