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Akon says his goal for 2009 is to be more successful than 2008 -- so instead of chucking one kid off his stage and dealing his way out of a trial, he'll try for two.
1/1/2009 4:45 AM PST BY TMZ STAFF
Like His Fans, Akon Tosses 2008 Away
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Reader Comments
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I thought the goal of this piece of sh*t was to cut down on crack!
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Boy, is my face red.
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4.
one and all,
i must resurrect my hypothesis that of which i am most known: 'Bling
Splatt the Cause of Pre-Mature Death among Rappers'.
As submitted to the New England Journal of Health, the American
Medical Association, National Geographic, Reader's Digest, and
Redbook.
My postulate that the root cause of death among rappers is not due to
black on black crime, per se. But, due to the inordinate use of metals
within the framework of their upper torso, in the region of what is
known on the street as 'da grill'. Commonly used metals such as
silver, gold, platinum, and an occasional diamond or two (dependent
upon the rappers ability to sell their wares - ie records - ) as
placed in the oral cavity of said rapper, causes reactions such that
mortality rates are a foregone conclusion. There is no cure for
'Bling Splatt", the diagnosis is death.
What causes 'Bling Splatt'? There is no simple answer. My theory
revolves about the idea that low IO levels of said rappers combined
with calcuim and phosphorous (previously stated in street slang as
'da grill') when mixed with metals and/or metallic objects react such
that positively charged electrons are emitted which when released
within the parietal lobe send such a large electrical pulse
throughout the parietal region of the brain, that the organ cannot
absorb...in essence...KABOOM !!!...the brain has exploded...ie "Brain
Splatt".
Collegues at the Bellevue Mental Hospital, Def Jam Records Inc.,
Johns Hopkins Medical University, and Toys 'R Us are in concert with
my hypothesis, theories, and ideas. They are all in agreement that
more study and review is needed in this arena of medicine. I have
applied for a $500 Billion bailout for study and research and a few
luxury amenities for myself (Mustang Ranch, Nevada trips for me and
the staff, and dubs for my Prius). President-elect Obama has been
apprised of this situation and receives daily updates as to which
rapper is next believed to contract the illness as such. The Central
Intelligence Agency (CIA), the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI),
the Secret Service, MI6, Scotland Yard, and Elmer Fudd are conducting
intelligence quotient (IO) tests on secretly on unsuspecting rappers,
as we speak, in order to compile and update their existing files of
low intelligence rappers.
Such a twist of fate that belies our 'mos def freestylin'
word-slangin' prophets. That there by the grace of God, he shall
speak. But, there by the grace of God, when he speaks with mouths
full of 'bling', his head will go BOOM !!!
My services are rendered to expose the truth regards the death of our
nations rappers. Word !!!
einStinE
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5.
hey tmz,
AKON just left Jay Leno's house...Leno hired him to lick all the envelopes for his X-Mas cards !!!
RJ Johnson is BACK !!!
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6.
Another CANKER SORE on the butt of society! Forced sterilization would benefit us immensely.
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8.
Akon is not talented. Just like most of the "rappers" out there today, he is nothing booty dancers and voice synthesizers. When I first heard the song "I wanna Love You" on the radio, I swore I thought it was CHER. Synthesizers for singers have become a big deal nowadays but on the same note, Akon sucks and he sounds like Cher. Imagine Cher singing "I wanna love you". See my point? Laaaame.
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