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Candy to Tori:

Get Real, Baby

7/27/2009 1:15 AM PDT BY TMZ STAFF

Candy & Tori SpellingCandy Spelling -- the mother famously at war with her daughter -- has taken the bold step of communicating with Tori Spelling through TMZ ... and her opening line isn't gonna get her a lot of invites. Here's the open letter in all its glory:

EXCLUSIVE TO: TMZ.COM
TO: MIDDLE-AGED REALITY SHOW STARS (LIKE MY DAUGHTER)
FROM: CANDY SPELLING

I Know many middle-aged people have issues about their parents and their upbringing. I did. My memories didn't match all those of my mother, and, funny thing, it's the same way with my daughter.

Life has consequences. What you say is on the record. Other people have feelings.


I have a vested interest in this subject. My daughter, Tori's, two-part season finale revolves around my granddaughter's first birthday party and how she has made what seems like an agonizing decision to invite me.

Cue music. Cue sideways glances. Cue Lights.

I did get an invitation just in time for the RSVP deadline. I'm sure its delivery will be on next week's episode with some comment about my house or driveway or street or something they won't like. I wonder if that will be spread out over one part or two. Sigh.

A big party wasn't how I envisioned meeting my granddaughter for the first time; but, hey, this is Hollywood, and my grandchildren have become reality show props, too. At the time I emailed "yes," I didn't realize I was being set up for a two-parter, even though it was clear I was being invited to be part of a segment for my daughter's reality show.

Spoiler alert. Don't read this if you plan to sit through an hour of people looking at their watches and saying "she's late." I decided my first meeting with my granddaughter should be on home video, not primetime cable; so I emailed that I would not be attending.

Back to other reality stars. My husband taught me that the plots have to be fresh and updated. The same old whining gets tired after a while. Enough complaining about what may or may not have happened during first grade or YMCA camp, or what vegetable you were forced to endure, especially when you are privileged enough to be on TV and get paid for it.

For all the reality show personalities, please remember that real life doesn't get edited to make things better or worse or get better ratings. You're responsible for what you do. Life isn't just a show. And your families can't just be props. Make your own season finale without creating conflicts you will regret later.
1285 COMMENTS

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46.

Lisa    

Ms. Candy,
How did you find the time whilst strolling and busily dusting your 1,000,000 sq. ft. bungalow (God, how I know home ownership is a full-time job) to actually sit down and bang out a letter to your precious daughter? I know how difficult it is to keep abreast of important things these days, so I can hardly blame you for having misplaced her private email address. Next best thing would be to send it to your good friends knowing, just the same as in the past that they would dutifully forward your loving message to your daughter. Now, let's get back to reality. I don't know what "world" you live in and what color glasses you wear, but this is not APPROPRIATE behaviour in any circle. Why don't you come back down to earth from the gilded, shallow throne you have deemed yourself worthy of and treat your daughter the way her father would have wanted you to? How dare you sit in a mansion whose mere worth alone could feed half a hungry nation and expect your daughter to forgive, forget, humble herself and crawl back to such a shallow money-hungry, narcissistic, shell of a human being such as yourself? $600K is probably less than you earn daily in interest. You've slapped your daughter in the face all over your disgusting greed. You weren't always this fortunate and Tori has always worked hard for what she has. Why don't you just stop being so damned greedy, give her a decent portion of her father's estate, ask for her forgiveness and put some real effort into being the mother and grandmother any child deserves? What the h@ll will all this mean in the end when you're old, infirm and lonely? You can choose to be bitter and spitefully leave everything you hoarded all these years to some whacky institution or cause or help to enrich the lives of those who deserve and use it to help and financially ensure the future of those you love, most notably your immediate family and their children. Do the right thing... and most notably, stop using public forums to do so.
Lisa

1832 days ago
47.

DD    

My God, Candy is drowning in denial, and literally hanging by her fingernails....I feel great pride in how Tori has successfully broken they cycle, with her own children. Candy is the perfect example of someone who never should have been allowed to breath. You rock, Tori!

1832 days ago
48.

Jessica    

I am totally on Tori's side on this one. If my mom wasn't seeing her grandchildren...she would go out of her way to make the situation better with me, so she could see them. I think money makes peoples lives more complicated. Candy Spelling needs to realize that she's way past middle age, and she won't live for ever. That whole "middle age reality star's" crap was just another attempt to hurt her daughter. She could have just said the e-mail was meant for Tori.

1832 days ago
49.

Mariah    

Tori didn't get 600k did she? I thought it was only 100k. And the answer to where will MR. Spelling's money go when she dies will be to Randy Spelling, the only one to manage to keep his piehole shut (thank you, Randy).

1832 days ago
50.

Mark    

What a crazy bitch. "Life has consequences. What you say is on the record. Other people have feelings." You mean like when you told the whole world that Tori killed her father??

1832 days ago
51.

Mickey von Dutch    

No matter how annoyed you are with your kid, you don't call her "a middle-aged really show star". There are enough critics out there to tear Tori Spelling apart, one would at least expect a mother to take the high road and be protective of her offspring. Mommie dearest comes off looking like a total and utter b****.

1832 days ago
52.

Angela    

Candy, life is very short. SO sad that your ego is getting in the way of healing things with your daughter. It's not about right and wrong -- YOU ARE HER MOTHER, and it's beyond cruel for you to keep playing these controlling and hurtful games, including writing a public letter like this to TMZ. Who cares who you leave any money to when you die, or why you'll make the choices that you do when that time comes... But why would you possibly make the choice to leave your daughter a lifetime of sadness because her mother was too caught up in her own mind and ego to reach out to her )and her family), and instead leave her daughter a legacy of love and healing that is worth FAR more than any amount of money you have in the bank. How could you possibly 'rest in peace' knowing that you went to your grave thinking it was more important to be 'right' than to be a genuinely loving parent?

1832 days ago
53.

Fran    

Candy Spelling's actions are vile. The last episode that I saw had Tori talking with Dean about inviting her mother to her daughter's first birthday party. Dean (bless his heart) knew that Candy would do something like she has done and told Tori that he would support her through whatever happened.

I know what it is to live with being exiled from family. I've lived it and it isn't easy. I'm an only child and was given property by my parents and all the other members of my family (cousins, aunts and uncles) choose not to associate with me. I've made some mistakes and have atoned for them as well, but there seems to be no forgiveness. I'm not sure what the exact terms of Aaron Spelling's estate were but he is as much to blame in this as his wife. Tori, treasure that your husband loves you dearly and accept the love of others. I'll gladly be your substitute Mom for you any day.

1832 days ago
54.

LH    

Forgive me for being blunt, however, after having a close mother/daughter relationship with my own parent, upon leaving my parental home and going off to make my niche in the entertainment business - I was appalled each and everytime I encountered a Jewish mother/daughter relationship gone sour. I couldn't believe that those jewish daughters could be so nasty to their own parent. It's not only the daughters - most jewish kids cop an attitude toward their parents that is disrespectful and arrogant. Tori, pull in your horns. You aren't the devil! Drop your kids and their nanny off at your Mother's home and let her video her memories. You and Dean, go check into the Beverly Hills Hotel and make some hot love. At the end of the day .... pick up your kids and don't forget to kiss your Mom. She loves you.

1832 days ago
55.

pisces81    

Hey!
Candy is the loser...when she is wondering in 20 years why her grandkids do not see her..well. it's Karma honey. I would move heaven and earth to see any grandchildren I had, regardless of how I got along w/m daugher

1832 days ago
56.

chrisa    

Dear Sour Candy,
I am so grateful that I do NOT have a mother like you! I would have killed myself long ago; seriously you're a childish bitch and so very vicious about your own flesh and blood, its truly frightening. I wouldn't let you near my kid either for crying out loud!
My mother is a wonderful woman, she is gentle, loving, full of grace and my best friend... I feel so sorry for your daughter.

Dear Tori,
Tell your mom to shut her flapping yap and to stay the hell out of your lives! I am amazed you survived with her for a mother, Joan Crawford would be proud of her.

Wish I could share my mom with you, she loves unconditionally, unlike your cruel and nasty "mother"...and i use the term loosely.

1832 days ago
57.

My Mother Loves Me, And I Love Her!    

I can't believe that someone on here posted that Candy should sue for Grandparents Rights? Are you kidding me?! Who in their right mind would let Candy see the grandkids? She'd probably just bad mouth Tori and Dean to the kids as the kids got older. Who would want that?! Tori has tried and tried to get her Mom involved in the kids' life. Has anyone ever heard of HIATUS? Candy could have seen the kids when the show wasn't filming. I would move H3ll and High Waters to see my family. Sometimes you just have to bite your lip, in order to see the ones you love. I think Tori has every right to be angery and she is the better person for trying to put aside her differences, and trying to get her mom to see the kids. I'm with Dean, and I think Tori should just write her mom off!!

1832 days ago
58.

Lisa    

May I also add that your public letter via TMZ to Tori is painfully translucent. You have, incredulously, "innocently" insulted your daughter (middle-aged reality star?) before publicly asking her to include you in your life. What self-respecting person would you seriously expect to humbly acquiese to that? Mother of the year you are not. Get the chip off your shoulder and humbly accept responsibility where it lies. Try it, just once without a barb and see if it really hurts you to do so. I'm sure it's a terrifying humiliating thought for you, but try it, just once for the h@ll of it and see what happens. It gets easier after the first time, you know.

1832 days ago
59.

Lisa    

You know what, people... I think you're right. I don't remember it being $600K either. I do believe it was $100K. Simply, a smack in the face.

1832 days ago
60.

meredith    

Dear Mrs. Spelling,

I am constantly perplexed by mother's who appear to hate their children. Of course I don't know you, I only know what is put in front of us due to the media. With that said I have to say you are in no way a victim in this horrible tragedy that has become yours and your daughter, your only daughters life. You are the mother. You must be the one to put aside your pride, ego, and issues if you truly want to have a relationship with your daughter and her children.

As for Tori "selling her family" on television. Well, she wasn't given much option was she? I'm sure you were well aware as to the contents of your late husbands will. From where the rest of the world sits that leaves you sitting in the greedy seat. Parents work their whole lives in order to provide a beautiful life for themselves and their children as well as leave their children some money in order to get a leg up in this world. Unfortunately the world is prive to the amount of your husbands fortune and the amount that was left to his children. You have to understand from where the public stands, that no matter his wishes, we believe that you should have split your vast inheritance amongst your children in a more balanced way.

The most difficult part of this situation is that you both are able to use the media in order to communicate. As wonderful as technology has become the lack of personal communication has been lost. You and Tori should go in to a room, lock the door and quite literally have it out, scream, yell, cry, fight, fight, fight. It may be what you need to finally get to the point of whether or not you will be able to have a relationship or should cut your ties. You have to understand that what you have done and said to her has affected her. According to you "My memories didn't match all those of my mother, and, funny thing, it's the same way with my daughter." Don't you want to change? Be better than what your mother? Allow Tori to move on and be the beat mother she can be?

I plead with both of you, for the sake of the grandchildren. Please, meet face to face behind closed doors and work it out. This back and forth and back and forth in the media is doing nothing but making it worse!

Good luck to you both.

Tori, you're stunning. You're a wonderful mother. I wish you all the best....my mom would be proud to have an amazing woman like you as a daughter.

1832 days ago
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