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Candy to Tori:

Get Real, Baby

7/27/2009 1:15 AM PDT BY TMZ STAFF

Candy & Tori SpellingCandy Spelling -- the mother famously at war with her daughter -- has taken the bold step of communicating with Tori Spelling through TMZ ... and her opening line isn't gonna get her a lot of invites. Here's the open letter in all its glory:

EXCLUSIVE TO: TMZ.COM
TO: MIDDLE-AGED REALITY SHOW STARS (LIKE MY DAUGHTER)
FROM: CANDY SPELLING

I Know many middle-aged people have issues about their parents and their upbringing. I did. My memories didn't match all those of my mother, and, funny thing, it's the same way with my daughter.

Life has consequences. What you say is on the record. Other people have feelings.


I have a vested interest in this subject. My daughter, Tori's, two-part season finale revolves around my granddaughter's first birthday party and how she has made what seems like an agonizing decision to invite me.

Cue music. Cue sideways glances. Cue Lights.

I did get an invitation just in time for the RSVP deadline. I'm sure its delivery will be on next week's episode with some comment about my house or driveway or street or something they won't like. I wonder if that will be spread out over one part or two. Sigh.

A big party wasn't how I envisioned meeting my granddaughter for the first time; but, hey, this is Hollywood, and my grandchildren have become reality show props, too. At the time I emailed "yes," I didn't realize I was being set up for a two-parter, even though it was clear I was being invited to be part of a segment for my daughter's reality show.

Spoiler alert. Don't read this if you plan to sit through an hour of people looking at their watches and saying "she's late." I decided my first meeting with my granddaughter should be on home video, not primetime cable; so I emailed that I would not be attending.

Back to other reality stars. My husband taught me that the plots have to be fresh and updated. The same old whining gets tired after a while. Enough complaining about what may or may not have happened during first grade or YMCA camp, or what vegetable you were forced to endure, especially when you are privileged enough to be on TV and get paid for it.

For all the reality show personalities, please remember that real life doesn't get edited to make things better or worse or get better ratings. You're responsible for what you do. Life isn't just a show. And your families can't just be props. Make your own season finale without creating conflicts you will regret later.
1285 COMMENTS

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1186.

Emily    

Maybe if Candy would have bothered to take the time out of her busy day of writing non-sense letters to actually go & meet her grandchild BEFORE her first bday, the party would not have been such a huge ordeal. Grow up Candy...aren't you the mother??!! Pick up the phone...even if you have a problem with Tori, don't take it out on your grandchildren...go see them & start acting like a grandparent instead of an infant!

1906 days ago
1187.

hotmama1225    

Candy needs to get a life other than real estate. Meet your granddaughter at her first birthday party? Where were you the first year? Tori has taken the high road as far as I can see.

1906 days ago
1188.

Andi    

Candy is caddy.... Her continual "open letters" to the public are strictly to promote herself. If she really loved and wanted to see her grandchildren then she would have done so in private long before this........ She was the one who started all of this with her fist "open letter".... What did she expect?
I think that Tori is a much better mother than she ever was and Candy is just simply jealous.

1906 days ago
1189.

Tiffany    

You know what, I think Candy is the one that is all about the publicity. I have a father who I don't speak to so I know exactly how torn Tori feels about this whole thing. I debate almost daily whether or not to make my move to contact him ... to let him know his 3 grandkids .... and this is after 14 years! I'm STILL debating. I'm STILL torn. And occasionally it STILL makes me really emotional. I can't say that being on a reality show would change those feelings. They are what they are ... they are strong (he IS my family ... he's my dad) ... and they are confusing (if he wasn't a good dad to me, can he be a good grandfather?) ... I think it's craptastic that Candy is playing games with Tori's emotions because, in the end, she's playing those same games with her grandchildren's as well. It was a huge step for Tori to take that leap (on tv or not). Was it for a private sit down? No. But you know what, I wouldn't be inviting my father to my house for the first meeting either. I'd be all about a public place because it's less pressure and it's more likely that he'd be on his best behavior. I'm betting Tori was feeling the same.

1906 days ago
1190.

momof3    

I love Tori! Candy face it you are wrong as someone who has a parent who doesn't see their grandchildren it's extremely painful when they live close by and choose not to see them. Stop with your open letter campaign if you really wanted to see your grandchildren you could you are making the choice not too, no one else is to blame but yourself!!

1906 days ago
1191.

EvelynnH    

Well, all I can say is: I've certainly seen WORSE reality shows than Tori's. I rather enjoy hers. As for Candy and the whole Grandmother thing...both of you guys gave up your "private" selves when you became celebrities. What difference does it make if you meet your Granddaughter the first time on a tv show or privately? Do you want to meet her, get to know her, be a part of the children's lives? Then do it..no matter what stands in your way! I dare say I wouldn't let MY children keep me from seeing MY grandchildren, simply because of who they are married to or where they live or what they've chosen to do with their lives in public.

Get real, stop being so touchy and get to know your grandkids and family...you just might find out you like them.

1906 days ago
1192.

Helaina    

Candy,
you are right on. To the idiots that think her daddy should have left her more money, look how she turned out with it. Spoiled, ungrateful, whining, nagging, homewrecker. Tori can take her fake and crater looking boobjob and her insincere " oh the love, the genuine love of family around us" crap and remeber she destroyed a little boy's family named Jack, which by the way Dean is your first child. U all make me sick!!!
Candy , thank goodness u finally told her what she needs to hear.

1906 days ago
1193.

Mom of three    

Candy, get a life...suck it up and see the kids. I agree with Tori, your drama is all about you. Enough already. She was the better one for inviting you and you should have gone to the party. IF you didn't want to meet Stella on TV you should have called Tori and gone over to the house when the cameras weren't there. You are just fooling yourself into believing that she is at fault here. It's all you! Grow up!

1906 days ago
1194.

Moe    

Find something else to put your energy into Candy like world hunger. You are both so wong, Tori is a self absorbed spoilt brat just like her mother. You two are a big example of American culture gone wrong. Get a real life!!!!!!

1906 days ago
1195.

T&DfAn    

UGH!!!! Candy get real and follow your own advice, your children where always in the public eye, that is all Tori knows. My mother is a nurse and so am I ... This is what she knows. If you are not happy with her "using her children as props" why are you writing public letters about them. As tori's mom it is your job to teach her how to be mom, lead by example and tell her privately that you dont agree with Liam and Stella being on her show. YOU ARE USING YOUR GRANDKIDS AS PROPS IN YOUR ONSLAUGHT OF PUBLIC LETTERS!!!!!

1906 days ago
1196.

Withoutadad    

It is obvious that Tori has felt all her life her mother did not love her! From little on she worried what her mother was going to think. Actions speak louder then words, What kind of mother tells her child "you'll be pretty once you get a nose job"? That is the crap she put up with her entire life! I am sure there were many other comments made. It was no wonder why she was a daddy's girl. A mother is suppose to protect a child, this just did not start 3 or 5 years ago. This has been going on since she was in school. A child should be able to go to her mother for anything, and instead, she was judged!! It was not unconditional love she recieved. I am sure the ignorant people that are on Candy's side, do not know the entire story. Tori maybe be spoiled, yes. But she is also a very giving person, and has a good heart. People learn their personality from their parents. I think Tori should have gotten something from her mother after her father pasted away. She is very wealthy, and that again just shows you what kind of mother she is. I would give my children my last dime to make them happy!
Candy, you need to step up to the plate, and be a real mother. Of course she contimplated about inviting you! DUH>>>>>she was so worried about being let down AGAIN! Or letting her grandchildren down. You can see her pain when she is on the show. Does that not do anything for you? Do you feel one ounce of quilt?? Go to her and tell her you are sorry for everything, and things we end ok. Tori has two children she really wants to be in your life. If you watch the show, how could you not want to be part of her life? I wanted to meet my father my entire life. We finally found each other and the day before we were to meet he died! DON"T wait any longer to be in her life.

1906 days ago
1197.

terrilyn    

In the past I have never been a fan of either Spelling but as of late I have been impressed that Tori has turned things around, designing jewelry and clothing lines, writing books, raising two kids and have cameras in your face recording every thing.Now mom on the other hand has some issues. Posting an open letter on here? Seriously how old is this woman? And anyone that has thousands of dolls and they have their own rooms? Wow she needs to spend some of that money on therapy.

1906 days ago
1198.

Jana    

OPEN LETTER TO CANDY SPELLING
Mrs. Spelling, I am so disappointed in you, whether or not you feel as though you will be "put on the spot" in a TV reality show... is a MUTE point. You could have met privately before the birthday party - even that would have been better than not showing up at all. The MOST important thing is your grandchildren. It took alot of guts for Tori to invite you to Stella's 1st birthday party. First of all, I want to know why you allowed a year to go by without meeting Stella in the first place? Family should always come first... not your so-called pride. Tori is your daughter,,, does that relationship mean ANYTHING to you? Apparently not. You really need to take a look inside your heart (if you even have one left...which I seriously doubt) and figure out what is more important to you - Your EGO or your Daughter and Grandchildren.
Dean was right, Tori should have never invited you to begin with.

1906 days ago
1199.

Yippi    

I enjoy watching Tori's show, but it has increasingly become a forum for Tori to give passive aggressive insults to her mother. And I'm not talking about one or two random comments. Tori manages to tie in her "abusive" upbringing to almost every comment she makes on any subject! She's trully gifted. It's clear that Tori's attemt to invite her mother to Stella's first birthday party was intended to place Candy in a no-win situation. If all Tori wanted was for Stella to meet her grandmother, why not invite Candy to a private meeting? Why must all reunions with Candy be staged for reality television and ratings? Candy, in my opinion, has every rite to feel outraged.

1906 days ago
1200.

hannah    

im on toris side.her kids are so not props for a tv show. her moms an ass and needs to grow up.toris more grown up then she is!!!

1905 days ago
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