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Candy to Tori:

Get Real, Baby

7/27/2009 1:15 AM PDT BY TMZ STAFF

Candy & Tori SpellingCandy Spelling -- the mother famously at war with her daughter -- has taken the bold step of communicating with Tori Spelling through TMZ ... and her opening line isn't gonna get her a lot of invites. Here's the open letter in all its glory:

EXCLUSIVE TO: TMZ.COM
TO: MIDDLE-AGED REALITY SHOW STARS (LIKE MY DAUGHTER)
FROM: CANDY SPELLING

I Know many middle-aged people have issues about their parents and their upbringing. I did. My memories didn't match all those of my mother, and, funny thing, it's the same way with my daughter.

Life has consequences. What you say is on the record. Other people have feelings.


I have a vested interest in this subject. My daughter, Tori's, two-part season finale revolves around my granddaughter's first birthday party and how she has made what seems like an agonizing decision to invite me.

Cue music. Cue sideways glances. Cue Lights.

I did get an invitation just in time for the RSVP deadline. I'm sure its delivery will be on next week's episode with some comment about my house or driveway or street or something they won't like. I wonder if that will be spread out over one part or two. Sigh.

A big party wasn't how I envisioned meeting my granddaughter for the first time; but, hey, this is Hollywood, and my grandchildren have become reality show props, too. At the time I emailed "yes," I didn't realize I was being set up for a two-parter, even though it was clear I was being invited to be part of a segment for my daughter's reality show.

Spoiler alert. Don't read this if you plan to sit through an hour of people looking at their watches and saying "she's late." I decided my first meeting with my granddaughter should be on home video, not primetime cable; so I emailed that I would not be attending.

Back to other reality stars. My husband taught me that the plots have to be fresh and updated. The same old whining gets tired after a while. Enough complaining about what may or may not have happened during first grade or YMCA camp, or what vegetable you were forced to endure, especially when you are privileged enough to be on TV and get paid for it.

For all the reality show personalities, please remember that real life doesn't get edited to make things better or worse or get better ratings. You're responsible for what you do. Life isn't just a show. And your families can't just be props. Make your own season finale without creating conflicts you will regret later.
1285 COMMENTS

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1231.

Michelle    

I think you are wrong Candy! Can't you see the hurt and pain in Tori's eyes, and in her heart? What kind of mother are you? I wouldn't want you around my kids if you were my mom. It's really sad, whatever went on she is your daughter for Gods sakes, what the hell is wrong with you. Furthermore, I think you are very stingy for not giving Tori some of your husbands money. Obviously she knows how to make her own money. This is so wrong on so many levels, you are letting precious time go by, and waisting day after day, and for what? You could pass on tomorrow without ever knowing your precious grand babies, or hugging your daughter, and telling her you love her and you are sorry. It doesn't matter who is right or who is wrong, you apologize and forgive so you can heal and move on. I did it with my mom, even though I thought she was more wrong then me, but I did this because I needed to do it. You really should be ashamed of yourself for treating your daughter like that, who is the parent? Grow up!

1839 days ago
1232.

Sarah    

I think Candy is a fool. You would think since her husband died so
recently she would want to go to great extremes to see her
granddaughter, grandson, son in law and daughter since you never know
when your time is up on this earth. Candy is acting like the spoiled
brat. She has no idea to raise children in a hands on way. Of
courseTori is battling her releationship with her mother in many
episodes. She is hurting and it is a very hard thing to accept. Now if I were in Tori's
position I would cut the cord. She needs to stay away from this evil
mother. Yes she may have a few good memories of her mother but after
how many years and only a few good memories? It seems Tori is a good mother and
spends a lot of time with her children. She is already ahead of her
mother in the mothering category. Dean needs to be supportive but to
keep his mouth shut. Tori needs to decide this and he should not, it
will just tear them apart. Candy needs to go away and not see her
lovely grandchildren. SHAME on her for never seeing her
granddaughter! She is a year old for crying out loud. If she really
wanted to see her granddaughter she would have gotten on her knees
for forgivesness or forgiven just to see her grandchildren. She is a
sad, selfish individual. If Tori would have received some money from
her father's death which she definately deserved, she may not have to
work all the time and be a part of a reality TV show. Why would Tori
want this pyscho woman around her children? Yes she wants them to
have a relationship but honestly, this will never happen. The
relationship she has or had with her mother is all she can expect
from her mother now. Her children do not need her either. Flush Candy
Tori!

1839 days ago
1233.

sal    

Each day little children are physically and sexually abused. Deprived of the basic necessities of life. Their lives are tragic, not Tori Spellings.

Tori Spelling has made a career declaring her mothers shortcomings. Get over it Tori...you would not have a career, if that is what you call it, had it not been for your father's fame and fortune.

Whether your mother was perfect or not, should not be played out endlessly on your television show. And if you and your husband,, would get another life besides the public one, perhaps your marriage would last as long as your parents.

Your children are lovely, you seem to genuinely care for them. Give them and your mother a chance to bond outside the glare of the public eye. Angelina Jolie has declared her lack of affection for her father John Voight, but it is not the central theme of her life or career. Both you and Dean should concentrate on careers that are not simply a gossip show about your own lives.

1839 days ago
1234.

johanna    

Personally I understand where Tori is coming from. I myself know what its like to have no mother and a father and know what it means to have a mother who was mean. I understand her tears of wishing her mother would reach out to her. By all means Tori Is NOT wrong for doing her show and not wrong for wanting her mother to be there. I think Candy is a stuck up mother who only thinks of her self and was jelous of her daughter and her fathers relationship. Candy has alot to learn about being a mother and a grandmother. By all means Tori and Dean do not use their children for props for their show or anything else. They love their children Very much. A daughter who has a split from their mother brings terrible pain and emptyness. It hurts they blame themselves. This is why Tori is blessed to have a daughter and so she can be the mother her mother couldnt be. Tori dont pay attention to the hateful things people say on here because they dont understand. I understand. I know what its like to be a daughter who sooo longs for her mother to come around and be a mother and take responsiblity of the things she did to me. I was in foster care at age 3 and hospitals and programs for many years. This wasnt because of my fault its because of the awful abuse i got from my parents and other people growing up. im 36 now and its been 4 years or more since i have been in a state of being in a hospital. I know what its like to wish my mom would hold me protect me and love me for me. But sadly that day wont come for me. I wish you the best and I think your a wonderful person and mother and wife. Do your best and u will be fine. I know ill never meet you but just know im giving you a big hug right now. Johanna from maine.

1839 days ago
1235.

Kathy    

I think this is all just part of the Reality show. I could care less about Tori or Candi, they both need to get lives. I think Dean is just riding T's shirt tails, he can't act, hell he's not even a good Mr. Mom! ; LOL

1839 days ago
1236.

jabba    

Miss Tori has had her piece of the pie. Her damn first wedding cost like $1.5 MIL. people!!! Lasted less than 2 years before she hooked up with 'possum' face Dean!! I imagine her parents were humiliated when she ended things the way she did. She herself said she didn't go see her dad for 9 months while he was alive--just before he died. How is that her mom's fault? I'm no Candy lover, but think about it. How many more 'poor little rich bitches' do we want running around Hollyweird? So she has to work for $$ now, it is the real world. And 'possum boy' will catch the next cash cow that comes trotting by!! Moooooo. She's a fake mom. Does everything for the cameras. Wait until someone breaks their silence. The minute those cameras aren't rolling, she is handing off those kids like a hot potato!!! Just like Octomom and Kate G. Little props. There should be a law for this type of exploitation. They built that whole finale thing around Candy. Is she, or isn't she coming. A blind man could see it coming. I don't blame Candy for not wanting to add to the ratings!!!! And what about her brother Randy? Anyone see him at the party??? Nice tight knit little family there.

1839 days ago
1237.

Michelle    

Candy, you're a horrible mother to send a letter to TMZ shows that you don't give a damn about your family. Take a look in the mikrror my dear life is going to keep moving and when you're old (older than you are now) and feeble. You will find yourself all alone and when you're gone no one will mourn you. No one likes you and I for one pity you.

1839 days ago
1238.

Crystal    

Candy, regardless of what happened in YOUR own childhood. You chose to have children! When those children were born, it is forever your responsibility WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT...to educate, love, and not judge your own children or whatever mistakes they make. Tori is just as human as anyone else, but it is hard to beleive that you are human at all. Both Tori and Candy seem to have a lot of pride but in this case I think no matter how "middle aged" your own children are, it is still your job to forgive your past and move on with your present life and find a way to LOVE life again. CANDY, YOU HAVE A FAMILY THAT NEEDS YOU! FORGIVE YOUR OWN MOTHER FOR THE LOVE SHE NEVER GAVE YOU. YOU HAVE THE CHOICE TO PICK UP THAT CELL AND CALL YOUR DAUGHTER.

1838 days ago
1239.

JJ    

It is real simple Candy. Do you want to be in your grandchild's life? If so buck up and just be polite.
There is no need for all the drama.

1838 days ago
1240.

Triny    

I'm team Tori all the way. Whether she's on television or a home video Candy should've shown up to her granddaughter's birthday party. If anything it would've shown everyone that she really wants to be a part of her daughter's and grandchildren's lives. I have a daughter and no matter what fights she and I may get into in the future I would never treat her the way Candy is treating Tori. And if all her friends are siding with Tori and saying Candy is in the wrong then something is definitely wrong here. Candy, you need to contact your daughter and speak to her face to face and not through this website. This "open letter" is spiteful, viscious and in very poor taste.

1838 days ago
1241.

Dinna    

Tori is reaching out to her mom and I felt her sincerity. whatever happened between them in the past should be forgotten and just move forward. I can't believe a mother could do this to her child and grand kids. Candy is such an immature, lonely person whos lives in an empty mansion with no love from anyone but probably from her driver and house maids. It's a sad life to live no matter how much money you have. The most important love and understanding which I am sure she never felt from her mother that is why she couldn't give her daughter.She needs to go to a parenting class . . . it's too late though.

1838 days ago
1242.

me    

I have a 1 year old boy and a 2 year old boy. I could really use a moter in law who gives a ratts behind. So Candy, if you're reading, hit me up. My love won't cost a thing. And I'm not on a reality show!

Life is short. Babies are precious. And family means everything. Unfortunately not everyone cares about family.

1838 days ago
1243.

cathy head    

BOTH need to grow up!! We have children here and that is what should be important. I think Candy Spelling should be ashamed of herself for playing out her problems with her daughter in the public's eye. She is not being a Mother or a Grandmother. She is trying for the limelight herself. What a discrace of a woman to act like this and at her age.
Tori, your Mother needs to come to you and apologize and then the two of you need counseling and get on with your lifes. She is your only Mom and your only Grandmother to your Children and when she is gone, you will wish she was there for you. I know from experience. Make piece, Life is to short!!!!

1838 days ago
1244.

tom    

What's wrong with going on the show to the party? Don't get it The uncle was on the show a few times and he didn't mind. Candy got rich off her husband and now thinks she's to good to go to a party on TV, go away Candy.

1838 days ago
1245.

Family one    

Okay, even if Tori and Candy don't get along...what has that got to do with the kids? They need to put their feelings aside and think of the kids. THE KIDS HAVE A RIGHT TO GRANDPARENTS. So, find a neutral meeting place and have the nanny take them to see their grandmother. Tori and Candy can then put off growing up until nobody cares anymore.

1838 days ago
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