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Candy to Tori:

Get Real, Baby

7/27/2009 1:15 AM PDT BY TMZ STAFF

Candy & Tori SpellingCandy Spelling -- the mother famously at war with her daughter -- has taken the bold step of communicating with Tori Spelling through TMZ ... and her opening line isn't gonna get her a lot of invites. Here's the open letter in all its glory:

EXCLUSIVE TO: TMZ.COM
TO: MIDDLE-AGED REALITY SHOW STARS (LIKE MY DAUGHTER)
FROM: CANDY SPELLING

I Know many middle-aged people have issues about their parents and their upbringing. I did. My memories didn't match all those of my mother, and, funny thing, it's the same way with my daughter.

Life has consequences. What you say is on the record. Other people have feelings.


I have a vested interest in this subject. My daughter, Tori's, two-part season finale revolves around my granddaughter's first birthday party and how she has made what seems like an agonizing decision to invite me.

Cue music. Cue sideways glances. Cue Lights.

I did get an invitation just in time for the RSVP deadline. I'm sure its delivery will be on next week's episode with some comment about my house or driveway or street or something they won't like. I wonder if that will be spread out over one part or two. Sigh.

A big party wasn't how I envisioned meeting my granddaughter for the first time; but, hey, this is Hollywood, and my grandchildren have become reality show props, too. At the time I emailed "yes," I didn't realize I was being set up for a two-parter, even though it was clear I was being invited to be part of a segment for my daughter's reality show.

Spoiler alert. Don't read this if you plan to sit through an hour of people looking at their watches and saying "she's late." I decided my first meeting with my granddaughter should be on home video, not primetime cable; so I emailed that I would not be attending.

Back to other reality stars. My husband taught me that the plots have to be fresh and updated. The same old whining gets tired after a while. Enough complaining about what may or may not have happened during first grade or YMCA camp, or what vegetable you were forced to endure, especially when you are privileged enough to be on TV and get paid for it.

For all the reality show personalities, please remember that real life doesn't get edited to make things better or worse or get better ratings. You're responsible for what you do. Life isn't just a show. And your families can't just be props. Make your own season finale without creating conflicts you will regret later.
1285 COMMENTS

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1246.

Lisa A    

WOW! I must say that Candy Spellings' ability to be a self-centered media vampire has come full circle to mommy dearest. First she wants a relationship with her daughter Tori - then doesn't make the time to do so. Then blames it on her kid for being spoiled. Then plays victim, followed by yet another round of her attention starved viral infection of "hey look over here"! So then the reaction is "Tori isn't meeting Candy half way?"- Friends I have news for you- As a mother of 3 girls if I saw any of my daughters trying as hard as Tori is just to get a good minute from her MOTHER, I would offer my hand to my kids to keep them from bending over backwards and inevitably kissing their own ass to make it happen! The relationship between these two is a picture perfect image of WHY you remove bad, unhealthy, negative parents from a child AND potential grand children's involvement. For those without a bottomless pocket in the real world - we call it a protective order (TORI- think about it). Tori is her Fathers daughter, she has made a success of herself against more odds than Candy will ever know (mostly of course because Tori succeed were Candi has failed- yeah it is that clear, this is a jealousy issue coupled with displacement ). Tori has done what it takes to be in a happy secure marriage with the CHILDREN as a TOP priority for BOTH parents. So a little advise for both Tori and Candy:

Tori, Be happy you have a life YOU build for your family, love your children, husband and remember that your father would be very proud of you. You have worked for what you have and there is nothing wrong with that. (P.S.-Dean, support her as much as you can AND then a little more than you would need for yourself)

Candy, do the rest of the mothers in the world a favor: stop calling yourself a victim and get your ass to therapy.

1866 days ago
1247.

Cathy W.    

First of all, what Mom uses TMZ to send a message to their daughter. This is so stupid and old. I don't understand how Tori and Candy text and email their issues to each other. I think a phone would do better than that if you don't want to see each other. Life is too short for this mess and they both need to stop and work this out. I personally like the Tori and Dean show cause it shows the true Tori and what she is going through and I hope she really sits down and watches how wrong it is to email your mom about issues that you are having. AT least pick up the phone and try to have a conversation before it is too late again and another family is gone before all is said.

Really - Think about it both of you!!!

1866 days ago
1248.

ilovetori    

wow! Candy Spelling seriously needs to grow up. what made her think that this open letter would do any good? it just shows how pathetic & immature she really is. Why couldn't she be a grown up & talk to Tori about the situation one on one? Everyone needs to cut Tori some slack. yes, Tori can easily hop into her car & take her kids to see their grandmother(without cameras) but it works both ways. Candy can do the same thing, and besides...if Candy really wanted to meet her granddaughter she would go see her regardless of the cameras.

1866 days ago
1249.

Take her to court    

Mommy Dearest Candy Spelling,

You raised that middle aged, immature, shallow minded daughter Tori.

Monkey see, monkey do.

She was raised at your side and therefore you are partially responsible for her lack of education, goals, drive, work ethic, common sense, emotional control, impulse control, self image and socialization behavioral development,,,, etc.

Once again Candy, Monkey see monkey do.

Show Tori how to behave in the proper familial way....lead by example.

If you don't know how, learn from a professional.
There is no problem that you can't fix...if you make it a priority.
There is nothing that you can't learn or purchase with your resources.

Start now and be the saving grace of the grand children lives and the whole remaining family .......begin to make repairs.

Make the first move and the second, third and every move, if need be.

Everything isn't 50/50

Where love and family are concerned .....giving trumps getting.

1866 days ago
1250.

_distressed_    

i don't understand why they both have broadcast their fights over national television. maybe one of them wanted publicity that much.. or maybe THEY both wanted to get publicity. are they so desperate for money and fame that they have to wreck their personal relationship? they're both so childish. one should think who was the mom and the child. or are they both just bitches extending their claws agains each other until both of them are out of blood. is their differences too huge to settle? is blood not thicker than conflicts? (unless they're not related by blood... i must commend those not related by blood but treated each other with respect...) but i guess that's hollywood for you. business just have to make a script on how you live your life.

1866 days ago
1251.

Candyless    

Candy is an embarrassment. Tori doesn't need her father's money (and remember that her father made the money, not Candy). She has his talent - more talent than Candy will ever have. Candy's only claim to fame was being married to the genious Aaron Spelling. Well, Tori got his drive, talent, ambition and emotion. As far as using the kids as a props, remember Candy, dear, that Tori's show is a REALITY SHOW and that includes her family (even you - poor Tori for having such a hateful mother). I believe even Aaron would understand the true meaning of a REALITY SHOW - it includes your family and your day-to-day life, including a sorry ass mother who cannot act HER AGE and make the effort to see her grandchildren. Yeah, let's wait until everyone "grows up" and miss what could be special time together as a family. I agree with Dean that Tori should quit trying to have a relationship with such a miserable old bat!

1865 days ago
1252.

Pj    

Being a good bit older than Tori, I never watched even the original "90210", but I guess I just assumed Tori would be a spoiled brat.....I was WRONG! In watching her show with Dean, I have found her to be genuine, mature, loving, and responsible. In fact, she has made a point of saying to the camera that her mother did some GOOD things when Tori was a child, even adding that she (Tori) needs to remember those moments more. Frankly, Candy, even if you believed you were being used for ratings (and I FIRMLY believe you were NOT), what do you care? Being there for your daughter and your granddaughter should be first priority. You could have expressed your concerns to her after the party in private. But let me assure you, Candy, it is YOUR loss! You had a chance to reconcile with your daughter and be part of your grandchildren's lives. You made your choice. You lose. Why wouldn't you WANT to be there, regardless of motive? Tori, you tried, and she hurt you again. God bless you, Dean, your beautiful children, and the love you all have for each other.

1865 days ago
1253.

kay    

We all know Tori is not middle-aged. That ridiculous comment was made purely for meaness sake, just like about everything else in this disgraceful letter. If the worst thing someone could find to throw at me is that I'm middle-aged, I would think I was doing pretty well. I don't see any difference between allowing Tori to act in her father's show as a teenager and Tori allowing her children to be on her reality show. Some of us have to make a living, Candy. Maybe daughter would not be in that position if mother gave her what was rightfully hers. My own mother abused me physically, emotionally, and sexually. Having said that, I wouldn't even consider trading her in for a Candy Spelling. My mother was a sick person. Candy Spelling is just petty and mean. In short: a nightmare. The children are better off not knowing Grandma. Someday when Tori works through the pain she will come to see the estrangement from Mom as a blessing in disguise. At least her children will not have to be subjected to the venomous personality that Tori has had to deal with. This one letter, made public, does a better job of illustrating Tori's complaints about her childhood than anything that has ever come out of Tori's mouth.

1865 days ago
1254.

S.I    

It's too sad they need to sit down and talk...without the camera's ...life is too short...not promised to anyone...sit down talk and love on each other...Candy makes a good point here...Tori needs to grow up and quit grabbing for attention by making these reality t.v shows. Quit acting Happy an djust be...you only get 1 mother...love on her...your daughter would be pleased...because you never know...Tori's daughter can grow up not likeing her either...what goes around comes around.

1865 days ago
1255.

Michelle    

I'm not taking sides in the matter, but this letter should have never been given to TMZ, it should have been given to Tori. If Candy has something to say to her daughter, she needs to pick up the phone and do it. She complains about how Tori air's their dirty laundry...hello! What was this! I've seen Tori's show..i watched the season finale, it was cute, but sad that Candy couldn't just come to celebrate Stella's birthday. I don't think anyone is spoiled...but yet again, most kids in hollywood are...that's no surprise. Tori said she didn't want to keep the kids out of Candy's life...so it's in Candy's court now.

1865 days ago
1256.

Leela    

I had to move thousands of miles across the continent to get away from a mother like this. Imagine if you were famous and literally the entire world could read your mother's vicious attacks and endless attempts to control or destroy your life. Tori Spelling doesn't deserve this abuse but women like Candy Spelling are so determined to control everything and everyone around them they will stop at nothing. You can bet Candy made sure her husband left everything to her so she could try to control her children financially. She didn't even call Tori to tell her daughter her father had died, what kind of person behaves like that? I'll tell you what kind, this kind! Unless you have a mother like this, and believe me they do exist, then you have no idea what kind of hell they can put you through. Tori is not using her babies as props, of course her kids are going to be photographed with her and there isn't a single thing wrong with her and Dean having a reality show. Did she run off to a fertility clinic like Kate Goslin, then turn the results into a reality show? no. Did she deliberately have herself implanted with umpteen babies like Octomom? no. Does she take every opportunity to haul her kids around the world and stage photo ops like Angelina Jolie so people will thing she is some kind of supermom hottie? no.
Do you honestly believe that Tori's drastic weight loss is caused by anything other than her mother's continued venom? You have no idea what it is like to deal with someone like this and there is no escape for Tori, not when she can launch this kind of public attack. My heart goes out to Tori, she is completely a victim. Her mother is a sick twisted witch.

1865 days ago
1257.

LISA    

tHEY NEED TO SIT DOWN WITH DR. pHIL. tHEY BOTH SHARE SOME RESPONSIBILITY BUT I BELIEVE cANDY SHARES way more BECAUSE SHE'S THE MOM. SHE OBVIOUSLY SCREWED UP BIGTIME SOMEWHERE ALONG THE LINES AND NEEDS TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR IT. I DON'T THINK THEY ARE USING THEIR KIDS AS PROPS. THEY ARE A MASSIVE PART OF THEIR EVERYDAY LIVES, AND IT IS A REALITY SHOW AND FRANKLY, BEING A MOM OF A LITTLE ONE MYSELF, THAT'S A BIG PART OF THE REASON WHY I EVEN WATCH THE SHOW IN THE FIRST PLACE. tHE ONLY THING I THINK TORI DID WRONG WAS TO ATTEMPT TO REUNITE AT A BIRTHDAY PARTY. I WAS EVEV HOPING CANDY WOULDN'T SHOW BECUSE IT WOULD'VE BEEN UNCOMFORTABLE FOR EVEM ME TO WATCH. IT JUST WASN'T AN APPROPRIATE TIME OR PLACE TO DO THAT. I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL SHE WAS THINKING. SHE WAS PROBABLY TALKED INTO IT BY THE PRODUCERS. I HOPE SHE LEARNED HER LESSON THO AND LISTENS TO DEAN AND FINALLY CUTS ALL TIES. SHE HAS PLENTY OF FRIENDS AND FAMILY AND DOESN'T NEED THAT TOXIC POOR EXCUSE FOR A MOTHER IN ANY OF HER OR HER CHILDREN'S LIVES. SHE'S NEVER GOING TO BE THE WAY SHE WANTS HER TO BE OR HAVE THE RELATIONSHIP SHE IS SEEKING WITH HER. WHY KEEP PUTTING YOURSELF AND YOUR FAMILY THRU DRAMA OVER AND OVER AGAIN. IT'S LIKE BEATING YOUR HEAD UP AGAINST A WALL.

1865 days ago
1258.

queenie249    

Being a Grandmother of a 2 year old, there isn't enough money in the world that would make me want to stay away from her. I would go to her Bday party in the back of the barn and help scoop poop, I guess it just depends on what is most important to you,, money.. or love of a Grandchild. I'm going with the love of a Grandchild...Money just makes for a better looking corpse down the road. It appears that is what Candy is going for.

1865 days ago
1259.

ashlee    

OKAY LOOK CANDY YOU NEED TO GROW UP YOU ARE ACTING LIKE MY 4 YEAR OLD BROUTHER. A mother should be there for her daughter like tori is there for her daughter will candy I have bad news for you tori is a better mother than you HAHAHAH. GROW UP CANDY AND SAY YOUR SORRY TO TORI OVER THE PHONE ARE IN PRESON NOT OVER EMAIL OR TEXT THAT’S LIKE THE WORST THING YOU CAN DO. SO THE LAST TIME IM GOING TO SAY IT BUT ITS TRUE,
GROW UP CANDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1865 days ago
1260.

desi    

I just watched some YouTube videos of Candy Spelling interviews. I'm trying to figure this woman out. You know, sometimes it is just so easy to spot a liar and a con artist. Her voice and body language are extremely phoney baloney and lack sincerity
at every level. The relationship between her and Tori is hopeless. It is clearly evident that the two of them are made of different fiber. Candy is so self indulgent that this rift between mother and daughter barely affects her. Her ego keeps her from acknowledging her pitfalls, her failures as a loving mother, that drove them apart.Tori is the only sufferer in this duo. It is a sadness that she will endure for the rest of her life.

1865 days ago
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