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Mel to Oksana -- 'I Could Commit a Crime'

9/22/2010 10:30 AM PDT BY TMZ STAFF

Mel Gibson wrote a frantic, rambling letter to Oksana Grigorieva a year before their infamous, January blowout -- in which he describes feeling so out of control that he "could drink or commit a crime."

Mel Gibson Letter

TMZ has obtained a copy of the letter -- handwritten by Mel -- and in it he says, "I'm so ragged I could drink or commit a crime. The anger seems to be out of my control -- I need to do something about it something lasting -- not just a band aid."

In the undated letter -- which sources connected to the case tell TMZ was written in December 2008 -- he says, "I don't know why I'm so whacky and depressed but I need to get well and re-enter life.  Please don't be upset I've gone -- I'm just not myself and feel bad when I am so f**ked up and sick around you."

Mel goes on:  "I don't want to inflict this unhealthy version of myself on you."

Mel theorizes, "Maybe it's some kind of male menopause -- or Brian's s**t."  We're told Brian is Mel's holistic doctor.

In the letter, Mel repeatedly tells Oksana, "I love you" and says, "...this isn't who I was meant to be -- I know it!  I'm scared I can't get back."

816 COMMENTS

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31.

Who'sThat    

this bitch is disgraceful...this is deep & emotional and only meant for her and no one else..i didnot read the letter other than what was in the story...somehow, it doesn't seem right to read it...

we often write things down as therapeutic to the person perhaps he felt he loved at the time...perhaps even his therapist told him to do it(not sure on that, but...)this monster is releasing this just like she did the tapes to the world...and she wants us to believe she had nothing to do with the release of the tapes? this whole thing is unbelievable...and it appears her current PR and attorney are all condoning this? how opprobrious! you would think the learned counsel would have more class!

i caannot fathom this kind of hate or this kind of vindictiveness to destroy a man that you once loved...she obviously never loved Mel...she can only love herself i suspect!

1441 days ago
32.

Ray    

I feel for Mr. Gibson. He has not said a word about this situation. It would be difficult for me if I was in a similar predicament. If the letter is authentic it should never have been rleased for the public eyes. I have a disfavorable view of Ms. Oksana because this is not right.

1441 days ago
33.

miz    

This just isn't right.

1441 days ago
34.

Sorntolc    

i caannot fathom this kind of hate or this kind of vindictiveness to destroy a man that you once loved...she obviously never loved Mel...she can only love herself i suspect!

Posted at 2:18 AM on Sep 22, 2010 by Who'sThat

Of course she was in love with Mel, but how do you think it feels to realize, that he was having an affair behind her back during her pregnancy? And this shocking message was brought to the worldwide media by Violet Kowal just before she should sign an agreement forcing her to keep quiet ever after.

A scorned woman is hard to deal with, but now both parts better seek a compromise than continue a hopeless fight.

1441 days ago
35.

Genna    

@Fidel

I can understand your frustration. How could she (OG) do this? Oh...that's right...the money. Perhaps OG supporters would like their closet skeletons aired on ROL? There is no excuse for what she has done. Mel and her own attorneys gave her every opportunity to resolve this with dignity and with character. All she has done is prove to the world that she has none.

1441 days ago
36.

misssahara    

Last Oksa's steps in PR war fit her previous style "men always loved me,because I'm an Angel...but they didn't want to stay with me for a long time,because all of them are sick or depraved people, and they always met with another women, while I always worked for living and I needn't any money from them" Remember her father interview! He told a lot of "funny"incidents of her previous life till meeting with Mr.Gibson. People in Russia derided father's story. It seems for us that Oksa thinks everybody around are stupid and fool, doesn't matter who are them russians or americans, her style is constant.....and her baseless demands of money like for a ex-wife (???) are constant too. Address to "Honey!" one can cal to anu woman or to any character of the script.Anyway. that letter means nothing in her struggle for money

1441 days ago
37.

Who'sThat    

kali, this letter is a whole different issue from the tapes, which is what the restraining order was created. The judge ordered a seal on those tapes, and then they were sold, I mean leaked and then Mel filed for contempt or violation of that order. This letter is just sick, has no merit other than possible being used in the custody case or DV case.

Posted at 1:51 AM on Sep 22, 2010 by Gene


hi gene,

i was under the impression that anything to do with the child custody should be under the gag order...as it stand, with so many suits this woman may be planning, the released e-mail as well as this letter could go either for DV or child custody...and since those 2 are related in terms of cause and effect, shouldn't these be still protected under the gag order?

i certainly hope the judge is hearing/reading all this and sees this woman for what she is...gold-digger/ monstrous/detestable...unable to care for her children(Lucia at least) fairly without bias against Mel...and how she has money to burn apparently on PR and attorneys but no money for her son's birthday gift! tsk, tsk, despicable!

1441 days ago
38.

Gene    

If Mel and Robyn legally split in April 2009, after the famous beach photos of Mel and Oksana in March of 2009, and the announcement of Oksana's preganancy in May 2009, and Oksana claimed in an interview in 05/26/2009 that she did not break up their marriage, that she and Mel had a working relationship,and she believed his marriage to be stable, Then how did Mel write her a letter in December of 2008? As usual nothing makes sense. The dates don't jive. What is TMZ doing?

1441 days ago
39.

Alcamedes    

Both parts should now engage some decent spokesmen & re-negotiate the whole matter. It causes too much pain for all involved persons & relatives to continue this fight. Both parts have to realize their faults & seek a compromise. And all supporters trying to whitewash one of the parts while putting all blame on the other side are only making things worse. It’s time to come to a fair solution.


Posted at 1:56 AM on Sep 22, 2010 by Sorntolc

Sorntolc

You are aware that you can not make a settlement on the matters before the D.A. right? That is illegal.

They could very well negotiate a new agreement in regards to custody, support and visitation, in reagrds to Lucia. If they were both open to that idea. But IMO I think the 15 mil would be off the table.

I think it is highly unlikely at this point you will see that happen. It would seem the Judge in family court seem's to be going by what is in the draft agreement that Mel and Oksana signed.

1441 days ago
40.

Fidel's niece    

Only a monster would do this
to a father of her child,
who she described in interviews
as "an amazing,very kind and
generous person and a
tremendous dad"

No talent,selfish,lazy ass money grabbing,
aging fame whore out to get as much $$$
as she can before her 15 min. of fame are up!

Disgusting bitch!


***TEAM MEL***

1441 days ago
41.

garnet    

Depression can result from a loss of control over your life. Divorce can do that. It can also happen after a period of extreme activity and triumph and a person feels at a loss.

It can also be from chemical imbalance and lack of sleep. Diet and sleep are so important.

I agree with him that the answer isn't necessarily in medication. He was right when he said helping others can get him out of the rut as his attention is directed at others not himself.

I think he was getting panic attacks too. For some reason the relationship with Toxicana seem to be adding to the problem.

He is quite religous. In that area, he needs to feel secure in his relationship with God - not to be driven by his own guilt but by God's grace.

1441 days ago
42.

Genna    

@gene

TMZ says the "source" who is probably OG states this letter is from December 2008. She is trying to prove the 3-year relationship angle, among other things. She only makes herself look worse with everything she does. Everyone knows that Mel has struggled with his bipolar condition, and his divorce from Robyn, etc. She is, by far, the one who is truly sick.

1441 days ago
43.

Alcamedes    

38.
If Mel and Robyn legally split in April 2009, after the famous beach photos of Mel and Oksana in March of 2009, and the announcement of Oksana's preganancy in May 2009, and Oksana claimed in an interview in 05/26/2009 that she did not break up their marriage, that she and Mel had a working relationship,and she believed his marriage to be stable, Then how did Mel write her a letter in December of 2008? As usual nothing makes sense. The dates don't jive. What is TMZ doing?

Posted at 2:28 AM on Sep 22, 2010 by Gene

Gene

I ha read that Mel and Robyn have been seperated for 2 or 3 years. Maybe someone might have an article regarding when they did seperate. I haven't seen anything myself, I just recall reading that in one of the other Mel-Oksana threads.

Someone here may be able to provide a link as to an article that referances the timeline better.

So who out there has some info and a link?

1441 days ago
44.

Who'sThat    

Of course she was in love with Mel, but how do you think it feels to realize, that he was having an affair behind her back during her pregnancy? And this shocking message was brought to the worldwide media by Violet Kowal just before she should sign an agreement forcing her to keep quiet ever after.

A scorned woman is hard to deal with, but now both parts better seek a compromise than continue a hopeless fight.

Posted at 2:23 AM on Sep 22, 2010 by Sorntolc

I highly doubt this is the case...i believe she knew she was just one of several mistresses he had at the time...just b/c she became pregnant does not change the fact that she was only one of his few mistresses. he didn't "cheat" on her b/c first he was already married so in that sense alone, it doesn't make sense to think she was anything other than only a fling...she became pregnant to TRY to force his hand...he was torn...on one hand he wanted to do what was right by Lucia...on the other, he didnot love this woman enough to be with her only(obviously)and make her his Mrs.

so let's say i do give you the benefit of the doubt about how hurt this OG is to find he had other mistresses when she was prego...so are you saying that it is ok for her to fight this in public instead of private and it is ok for her to release the most private items, ie. tapes, e-mails, letter to the public ? let's put you in this situation, a woman/man you once loved decided to release everything you wrote to him/her and you find out he/she tapes all your most private conversation and plan on releasing them, how would you feel? if you think this is all right, all ok to show confidential items to the world, it's revolting,just completely offensive.

1441 days ago
45.

misssahara    

"...and how she has money to burn apparently on PR and attorneys but no money for her son's birthday gift! tsk, tsk, despicable!"(Who'sThat) LOL! How slow you are!There is more important things, while birthday gifts are given by too
credulous and sentimental americans!!

1441 days ago
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