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Mel to Oksana -- 'I Could Commit a Crime'

9/22/2010 10:30 AM PDT BY TMZ STAFF

Mel Gibson wrote a frantic, rambling letter to Oksana Grigorieva a year before their infamous, January blowout -- in which he describes feeling so out of control that he "could drink or commit a crime."

Mel Gibson Letter

TMZ has obtained a copy of the letter -- handwritten by Mel -- and in it he says, "I'm so ragged I could drink or commit a crime. The anger seems to be out of my control -- I need to do something about it something lasting -- not just a band aid."

In the undated letter -- which sources connected to the case tell TMZ was written in December 2008 -- he says, "I don't know why I'm so whacky and depressed but I need to get well and re-enter life.  Please don't be upset I've gone -- I'm just not myself and feel bad when I am so f**ked up and sick around you."

Mel goes on:  "I don't want to inflict this unhealthy version of myself on you."

Mel theorizes, "Maybe it's some kind of male menopause -- or Brian's s**t."  We're told Brian is Mel's holistic doctor.

In the letter, Mel repeatedly tells Oksana, "I love you" and says, "...this isn't who I was meant to be -- I know it!  I'm scared I can't get back."


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So true! And his relationship with OG was understandably toxic. Thankfully, he broke this relationship off with this woman. Tragically, it should have been sooner.

1459 days ago


Oops got carried away with the analysis there - really sorry. That was a letter from Mel's past. I hope he's ok and he does seem to be happpier away from Oksana.

He seemed to want to stay away from Oxana. If she really cared for the children and is sacred for herself - she should let him stay away but she wanted him around.

1459 days ago



I agree with you totally. It could have been written to his wife. She has no proof that he hit her. When a man loses control she would have had far more damage to her face than missing veneers. It seem strange her teeth are still in tact and no busted lips. What did she do moved them (her lips) at the way when he allegedly hit her.

1459 days ago


I just read that back in April or May 2009 Mel's adult sons went to a lawyer to protect the family's fortune, and they did this because their dad had informed them of Oksanas pregnancy. If this article is true, then even back when Oksana got pregnant, Mel's family must have seen through her, and anticipated something like all this crap that's happening. I bet that is why Mel ranted about having no money, it all being "tied" up, and having to liquidate personal assets to get Oksana money she was asking for. I don't think Mel wrote this letter to Oksana either. She may have found it in his personal things, and stole it. He may have even written it to Robyn in 2008 for all we know.

1459 days ago



You bring up an excellent point. OG can't afford a birthday gift for her son, but she can afford two of the most expensive attorneys in LA. The article about the birthday gift was just another PR ploy. First, she uses her infant child to invoke sympathy with the photos of that tiny pimple on Lucia's chin as so-called "proof" of Mel's DV on ROL, then she uses her own son. I am beginning to believe, more and more, the many unsavory rumors about her past, how she used so many people in an effort to get to the West, and further her "career."

1459 days ago


definitely sooner like a year earlier

1459 days ago



I refuse to click on the link to read the whole letter.

This is like peeping through keyholes and panty-sniffing.

What does this serve her Grigorieva's professed desire to protect her daughter. Nothing. Grigorieva is an exceptionally unethical, destructive person, and it's unfortunate that the media gives her a forum for her poisonous actions.

Posted at 1:28 AM on Sep 22, 2010 by Anne

Oxana you are not trustworthy and very, very sick person.
Please go and check on your children

1459 days ago



You are aware that you can not make a settlement on the matters before the D.A. right? That is illegal.

They could very well negotiate a new agreement in regards to custody, support and visitation, in reagrds to Lucia. If they were both open to that idea. But IMO I think the 15 mil would be off the table.

I think it is highly unlikely at this point you will see that happen. It would seem the Judge in family court seem's to be going by what is in the draft agreement that Mel and Oksana signed.

Posted at 2:30 AM on Sep 22, 2010 by Alcamedes

are you an attorney?

what do you think will happen? why is the judge not handing down any ruling for the requests for increase in child care/mo? you may be right as to the format she signed in May as to what the judge has kept to their agreement, however, since OG formally asked for more money, shouldn't there be some type of a formal ruling by the judge about that? just wondering why the judge hasn't said anything...

1459 days ago


i caannot fathom this kind of hate or this kind of vindictiveness to destroy a man that you once loved...she obviously never loved Mel...she can only love herself i suspect!

Posted at 2:18 AM on Sep 22, 2010 by Who'sThat


So true. The irony is that everything she has done to play this case out in the media (Mel has not said one word) to garner more pubic support has resulted in the exact opposite.

1459 days ago


IF OG is claiming that Mel was unsafe as she had texted to herself from his phone (hehe), and she hopes to prove that with this letter, she has failed...

do we know for sure this letter was written in Dec. 2008? as clearly stated, no date on the letter...from others on their posts, i hear there is no signature, no we have no clue to whom this letter is addressed, and who actually wrote it and when...too many questions and not enough answers...

even if this letter is authentic, does not have any face value regarding what OG claims Mel did...she needs to stop releasing private things...God help Mel and the next guy she gets her fangs into!

1459 days ago



You are aware that you can not make a settlement on the matters before the D.A. right? That is illegal.

Posted at 2:30 AM on Sep 22, 2010 by Alcamedes

As angeleyes & I became aware yesterday on a still unpubliched TMZ-blog, it seems that "the Sheriff dismissing the extortion charges". If the evidence actually is too weak, there should be no further barriers & the outcome of the extortion case will probably soon come out. Just a saying.

The DV matters still seem very complicated indeed, the Kowal affair adding to the picture, so this could go on for a long while new evidence keeps leaking in public. It is no good for neither part & after all it should be possible, if decent spokesmen & lawyers are engaged, to reach a compromise & look forwards instead of using months or years to undermine each others.

But of course, to cease the pain both parts have to find the good will to honestly apologize & cooperate.

This one is for Mel:

1459 days ago


To those of you who have actually read this letter, is it just me, or does the handwriting seem wonky? to me it looks as if it was written by two different people, or else someone with multiple personalities. Is this even Mel's handwriting, has that certified by TMZ? I am really tired, and as a result feeling teed off at TMZ for posting this, especially if it hasn't been authenticated as actually being written by Mel to Oksana.

1459 days ago


IF this letter is indeed written by Mel, and i don't claim to know why he was so angry in the appears at least to me that he was struggling in some states, "he could drink or commit a crime" in this case, i feel he is using a metaphor? like i could say " i am so embarrassed i could drink or even kill myself" but of course, i would do neither...just an expression...just b/c he may say he could drink or do the crime means nothing to me...people do write things down to make themselves feel better when they see it written on paper...imho!

1459 days ago



You are right. This "unpublished story" about the extortion charges being dropped I believe is wishful thinking. If there was so much as an inkling of this, TMZ would have published it by now.

As for apologizing, I think OG has taken things way too far. Sadly, she has pushed this beyond anything that is reasonable. The damage she has done to whatever career she had is complete. This PR campaign she has launched isn't to fight Mel...Mel hasn't said a word. It is to repair the damage she has done to herself.

1459 days ago


This letter could be written to anyone?! She could have found this while rifling through his things for all we know.

And 2008?? Wha...?!! I should get that box of letters from high school out and see if I have a case against anyone!

Unbelievable! She appears really desperate. I worry about those children. The 12 year old boy probably gets teased at school. Heck, you know he goes online...he's bound to see the stories!

This is getting way uglier than I imagined.

1459 days ago
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