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Mel to Oksana -- 'I Could Commit a Crime'

9/22/2010 10:30 AM PDT BY TMZ STAFF

Mel Gibson wrote a frantic, rambling letter to Oksana Grigorieva a year before their infamous, January blowout -- in which he describes feeling so out of control that he "could drink or commit a crime."

Mel Gibson Letter

TMZ has obtained a copy of the letter -- handwritten by Mel -- and in it he says, "I'm so ragged I could drink or commit a crime. The anger seems to be out of my control -- I need to do something about it something lasting -- not just a band aid."

In the undated letter -- which sources connected to the case tell TMZ was written in December 2008 -- he says, "I don't know why I'm so whacky and depressed but I need to get well and re-enter life.  Please don't be upset I've gone -- I'm just not myself and feel bad when I am so f**ked up and sick around you."

Mel goes on:  "I don't want to inflict this unhealthy version of myself on you."

Mel theorizes, "Maybe it's some kind of male menopause -- or Brian's s**t."  We're told Brian is Mel's holistic doctor.

In the letter, Mel repeatedly tells Oksana, "I love you" and says, "...this isn't who I was meant to be -- I know it!  I'm scared I can't get back."

816 COMMENTS

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76.

fuddyduddy    

Mel...on the upside, be glad that you did not marry this witch of a woman. There is a silver lining.

1430 days ago
77.

shirleyholmes    

Correction:

I am totally utterly disgusted by this Oksana.

This Violation of personal correspondence is outrageous.

This low class person would sell her own mother for her benefit.

She is a nasty piece of work and has lost all credentials

She has no integrity and nobody around her will ever

be able to step over these stunts and trust her

She is going to be one lonely old lady

1430 days ago
78.

Gene    

This letter, if written several years ago may be a link in a chain of mental health events leading up to a mental breakdown. Contrary to belief, a Mental breakdown doesn't happen suddenly. The process can take months, even more than a year leading up to the final eruption, then the recovery can take years, and in some ways the recovery is almost as painful as the break itself. I know of what I speak. For some the break can manifest itself as a fugue state, a catatonic state, a psychotic episode of paranoia and rage, it's different for different people, no two breakdowns are alike. That is why this letter upsets me so. The moment I read it, I felt empathy for the author. If it was Mel who wrote it, then it was a huge cry for help and a warning to the recipient that he himself knew that he was not safe to be around. Think back to 2008, the DUI, the racial slurs, the attack on his movie by the Jewish community, the pressures, the separation of his spouse, I think Mel has had a nervous breakdown Hollywood style, meaning in Hollywood you keep on going, making the movies and money and don't let the public know. Problem is you don't get the help and care you need, until some tragedy happens.

1430 days ago
79.

igotfleasfromtmz    

Mel...on the upside, be glad that you did not marry this witch of a woman. There is a silver lining.

Posted at 3:31 AM on Sep 22, 2010 by fuddyduddy
Mel we see what she has been doing to you now.

1430 days ago
80.

shirleyholmes    

Good morning/afternoon/evening to all of you

1430 days ago
81.

fuddyduddy    

Judge Gordon...I hope you are taking this under advisement. Mel should have full custody. Oksana is dangerous to the health and welfare of Lucia. I hope that you give full custody to Mel soon. Oksana is proving herself to be the kind of parent who does not care about her children or their welfare.

1430 days ago
82.

Sorntolc    

she did all of the above to destroy a man who is her daughter's father...what shame this will bring to Lucia when she is grown and fully understanding of her mom's behavior in all this and how quietly her father stood by as her mom made a complete utter fool of herself in all this...

Posted at 3:23 AM on Sep 22, 2010 by Who'sThat

And while she was wearing his child under her heart he was quietly banging around with a young Polish porn Star, very quiet he tried to keep it & then it was revealed to the world just before Oksana was expected to sign an agreement to keep silent ever after.

Mel is a tough guy, he pays to make people obey, but Oksana didn't obey this time, I believe he hurt her too deep.

She may have been stupid & mean, but he was absolutely no gentleman either.

1430 days ago
83.

Catnip    

What kind of man beats up a baby in her mother's arms? Mel Pigson is a piece of ****ing ****; she should NEVER be allowed to have children again. Hang him from the gallows.

Posted at 2:04 AM on Sep 22, 2010 by ProudAmerican
*******************

What ever kind of man, it is, Mel's not that person. Because he didn't. How the hell does he beat up someone without a single bruise or cut or swelling showing up? Mark my words he will not be charged with DV. Ox is a liar and a succubus. Thank God, Mel got rid of her before she killed him.

1430 days ago
84.

Genna    

Good morning, Shirley! And good morning to everyone else!

1430 days ago
85.

Fidel's niece    

Ok$$$ana,

Mel was right,
You ARE a F*cking USER,
You used him, you disgusting
piece of trash!

Karma will get you!

Burn in hell!

***TEAM MEL***

1430 days ago
86.

Genna    

@Catnip 85

This is the kind of uninformed rage that most OG supporters come out with. Proud American? Shameful American.

1430 days ago
87.

Who'sThat    

This letter, if written several years ago may be a link in a chain of mental health events leading up to a mental breakdown. Contrary to belief, a Mental breakdown doesn't happen suddenly. The process can take months, even more than a year leading up to the final eruption, then the recovery can take years, and in some ways the recovery is almost as painful as the break itself. I know of what I speak. For some the break can manifest itself as a fugue state, a catatonic state, a psychotic episode of paranoia and rage, it's different for different people, no two breakdowns are alike. That is why this letter upsets me so. The moment I read it, I felt empathy for the author. If it was Mel who wrote it, then it was a huge cry for help and a warning to the recipient that he himself knew that he was not safe to be around. Think back to 2008, the DUI, the racial slurs, the attack on his movie by the Jewish community, the pressures, the separation of his spouse, I think Mel has had a nervous breakdown Hollywood style, meaning in Hollywood you keep on going, making the movies and money and don't let the public know. Problem is you don't get the help and care you need, until some tragedy happens.

Posted at 3:32 AM on Sep 22, 2010 by Gene

honestly, you cannot assume this by reading this letter...agree that the mental illness/mental breakdown happens over time, however, who is to say that, that indeed happened to Mel? perhaps Mel is still struggling, not having had that breakdown you speak of...please do not assume an illness/breakdown on a man simply b/c of this letter...

however, even if he did have a breakdown, again, who is to say it happened the way this evil conniving person tries to make us believe?

this evil being is unbelievable...she is only making herself look bad...WORSE than before...
I for one did not believe that was possible!

1430 days ago
88.

fuddyduddy    

Mel...stay strong. Oksana and her dream team of attorneys, including attorneys past, present, or future, have not been able to get what they want out of you. Stand strong. You are winning. The public still loves you, and I for one, cannot wait for your new movie! Keep the pressure on Oksana. Your own attorneys are doing an outstanding job. I know it doesn't look like it now, but for attorneys to resort to such low tactics spells desperation.

1430 days ago
89.

igotfleasfromtmz    

No court cares about a 3 year old letter, unadressed and undated for what is happening here and now. Just another slander attempt.

1430 days ago
90.

Catnip    

And while she was wearing his child under her heart he was quietly banging around with a young Polish porn Star, very quiet he tried to keep it & then it was revealed to the world just before Oksana was expected to sign an agreement to keep silent ever after.

Mel is a tough guy, he pays to make people obey, but Oksana didn't obey this time, I believe he hurt her too deep.

She may have been stupid & mean, but he was absolutely no gentleman either.
Posted at 3:36 AM on Sep 22, 2010 by Sorntolc

Child = mealticket

Banging Polish Porn Star = now with mealticket cooking in her oven, she shut Mel off in a heartbeat b/c all she wants is his money, not him or his affection.

Signing agreement to shut up Oink = At the time, Mel was giving in to her extortion

Oksana didn't obey this time, I believe he hurt her too deep = reverse that she hurt him. Easy enough since she never loved him.

She may have been stupid & mean = okay you got something right


but he was absolutely no gentleman either = she doesn't deserve a gentleman anyway

1430 days ago
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