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Charlie Sheen

They LOVE Me in Chicago!

4/3/2011 9:25 PM PDT BY TMZ STAFF

Charlie Sheen was given a hero's welcome as he entered Chicago Theatre just moments ago for the second night of his "My Violent Torpedo of Truth/Defeat is Not an Option Show" tour.

Break a leg.


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the audience get what they were promised a one said he would be funny...if the the audience doesn't know this they are f_cking stupid dumb smucks

1302 days ago


A day in the life of Charlie Sheen

8:59 a.m. – Wakes up from usual five-minute night of sleep.
9:18 a.m. – Breakfast of Champions: Scotch and soda over Count Chocula.
9:42 a.m. – Tries to work up some Adonis DNA while Googling “Denise Richards upskirt.”
10:04 a.m. – Takes first shower since Super Bowl Sunday.
10:22 a.m. – Always careful about his dental hygiene, remembers to floss his good tooth.
10:45 a.m. – Dials up Dan Patrick’s radio show, offers up his list of Major League Baseball’s top 10 warlocks.
11:08 a.m. – Getting bored with that drug named Charlie Sheen, opts instead for some good old white powder.
11:37 a.m. – Flies into brief, spitting rage, asking why none of his goddesses washed the freakin’ dishes.
11:38 a.m. – Date with porcelain god.
11:55 a.m. – Calls up his pals at TMZ, recommends Rob Lowe to replace him in his mid-afternoon ménage a trois.
11:59 a.m. – Gives TMZ his exclusive public apology to Jon Cryer. Points out his co-star is one of the nicer douchebags he has worked with.
12:20 p.m. – For lunch, mixes Everclear with actual tiger blood.
12:22 p.m. – Date with porcelain god.
12:45 p.m. – Spends 20 minutes penning dialogue for his next comeback project, “Platoon on Ice.”
1:13 p.m. – Surfs over to Urban Dictionary to research profanities that begin with the letters AA.
1:21 p.m. – E-mails his agent with totally bitchin’ endorsement plans for Sheen’s Kondoms.
1:34 p.m. – Checks in with radio pal Alex Jones, discusses Barbara Bush’s key planning role in September 11th attacks.
2:33 p.m. – Writes monthly check to Kelly Preston - an apology for shooting her in 1990.
2:34 p.m. – Signs monthly check from Angus T. Jones - a thank-you for getting him laid in 2000.
3:11 p.m. – Checks into his Twitter account. Becomes first person in history to tweet the line “Haim Lorre is a failed abortion.”
3:37 p.m. – Calls ex-wife Brooke Mueller to ask about setting up some quality time with the twins.
3:39 p.m. – Suggests that Mueller should go perform an anatomically impossible act.
3:41 p.m. – Date with porcelain god.
4:00 p.m. – Oprah time.
4:25 p.m. – Takes phone call from brother Emilio, who tells him he looks like hell.
4:28 p.m. – Compliments Emilio on how great he looked in all 10 Mighty Ducks movies.
5:00 p.m. – It’s Happy Hour! Breaks out the seven-ounce rock.
5:11 p.m. – Date with porcelain god.
5:32 p.m. – Puts foot through TV screen when Katie Couric leads with something about that Libya thing instead of the Malibu Messiah.
5:54 p.m. – Texts Heidi Fleiss. Asks if they’re “still cool?”
6:31 p.m. – Texts his agent … asks if he could get him $1.8 million an episode to replace Alex Trebek on “Jeopardy.”
6:44 p.m. – ”What is another date with porcelain god?”
7:07 p.m. – Dinner time. Spends 45 minutes looking for a clean needle.
7:53 p.m. – Calls into “Piers Morgan Tonight,” claiming to be “Carlos from Inebria.”
7:56 p.m. – Takes call from Mark Cuban.
8:04 p.m. – Decides he’s interested in Cuban’s first offer (reality TV show), not interested in Cuban’s second offer (suiting up for tomorrow’s Mavericks-Clippers game).
8:23 p.m. – Flies into another rage when last tooth falls out.
8:26 p.m. – Slaps one of his goddesses upside the head, though he’s not certain which one.
8:28 p.m. – Apologizes profusely. Rids goddess of her splitting head pain … using only the power of his mind.
8:54 p.m. – Pulls out script for tonight’s Ustream webcast. Tosses it aside when he determines it’s written in Aramaic.
9:00 p.m. – After his sidekicks arrive from detox, begins webcast, remembering to look especially fidgety and corpse-like.
9:11 p.m. – Concludes webcast with quotes from Sun Yat Sen, Yogi Berra and his meth dealer.
9:14 p.m. – Date with porcelain god.
10:10 p.m. – Goes online to Priceline to see if they have any room-breaking deals for the Plaza Hotel.
10:43 p.m. – Starts smoking something. Might be a cigarette.
10:54 p.m. – Checks GoDaddy to check on availability of domain name “johnstamosisa*****.com.”
11:05 p.m. – Decides it’s time to party “like a frickin’ rock star.” Dons $3 fedora.
11:07 p.m. – Parks ass in front of the big-screen to spend some time with his good friend ”SportsCenter.”
11:24 p.m. – Tries to work up some Adonis DNA while watching Linda Cohn.
11:28 p.m. – Date with porcelain god.
11:58 p.m. – Checks in on his goddesses, who have spent evening researching California’s palimony statutes.
12:05 a.m. – Spends next eight-plus hours engaged in debauchery that is too raunchy to detail … and too hazy for Charlie to remember.
8:54 a.m. – Drifts off to sleep. Blissfully dreams of a fantasy world in which he’s still employable.

1302 days ago


Yea, they totally love him. That's why if you look on craigs-list for chi, TONS of people were trying to unload their tickets earlier. LOL, some going as far as a buck.
For someone that desperately needs lots of followers, but fails to show any talent except for tv shows and movies with actual scripts, it was stupid to go to various places around the US and show people how much you suck. Oh well, I guess that's what idiots deserve for buying tickets.

1302 days ago


They should try and be decent to him tonight just for the sanctity of his sanity. as long as he remembers what not to do and build upon that he should be able to get through the night. who knows whats going to happen.

1302 days ago


This is going to be very weird.

1302 days ago

If sense were common everyone would have it.    

He'll do as well in Chicago as he did in Detroit. Bomb. A 47 year-old woman was shouting as she walked away from the venue "I want my money back!" She thought she was going to be - I kid you not - entertained. What the hell did she think he was going to do? Throw out some of his movie quotes, some anti-government one-liners, parade his goddess-whores around on stage, maybe pump his fist a few times, and skate like he usually does with the audience in awe behind him? PT Barnum was right; There's a sucker born every minute.

1302 days ago


They should let him rip them off with a non performance and just take their money, for the sake of his sanity. That's what they are paying for, for him to feel better about having no talent, so he can continue ripping off more people. Yup!

1302 days ago


The end result will be the same as last time. He has nothing to do a "show" about. He can't entertain people live. Bad mouthing a bunch of people and talking absolute nonsense will not cut it. Chicago people are too smart for that.

1302 days ago


Tonight is different.

Tonight he pulls out Al Pacino's "little friend"

1302 days ago


Charlie needs to roll with his disgust himself as being the no-talent one in the family. However, I think the anger that fueled him in the beginning, has increased considerably!

1302 days ago


I just read an article about what Martin and Emilio are doing these days and their talent history. THEY are the real talent in the family and that is why Charlie is so bitter!

1302 days ago


ENOUGH with Charlie Sheen PLEASE...Everyone is making him bigger than ever. You all are praising him for being a drug addicted, slut, showing young kids that its o.k. to do drugs, sleep with sluts to climb to the top. Its not normal for someone to get gigs, and movies for their bad, immature behavior.

1302 days ago

Dee Dee M.    

I guess 2 nights of entertainment was too much to hope for.

1302 days ago


There is no way he will just do the same thing as he did last night. That would be totally f-cked up. He has to dump some material and come up with new stuff or people will destroy him.

1302 days ago


Martin Sheen = talent

Emilio Estevez = talent.

No one else in the family has talent. So solly.

1302 days ago
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