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Lindsay Lohan in 'Scary Movie 5'

My Life Is

One Big Joke

12/22/2012 10:30 AM PST BY TMZ STAFF
EXCLUSIVE

1123-sheen-lohan-sub-2Lindsay Lohan and Charlie Sheen share the screen together in "Scary Movie 5" -- and while you think they'd each get made fun of equally, TMZ has learned the majority of the jokes come at LiLo's expense ... and boy do they have a lot of material to work with. 

TMZ has seen the working script for "SM 5" (don't worry we won't give too much away) and it starts with LiLo and Charlie in bed making a sex tape (obviously, what else?). As they get started Lindsay tells Charlie, "Okay but let's do this quick, I got a court hearing in the morning ... It's a driving mishap thing."

CHARLIE: "Promise me you won't drive."
LINDSAY: "That's very sweet. You're worried about me behind the wheel."
CHARLIE: "I'm worried about me. I'm a pedestrian."

But wait there's more ...

As things start to get hot and heavy (don't worry they cut down the actual kissing!) Charlie keeps running into LiLo's numerous bodily devices ... i.e. her sobriety monitor, tracking anklet, and a dog shock collar for orgasm help.

Once the scary stuff kicks in -- and Charlie gets thrown across the room -- Lindsay SCREEEAMS ... but it's only because she's watching her own crappy movie, "Herbie: Fully Loaded." In the trailer (below) the joke got switched to her watching the news instead ... which shows her probation being revoked



The jokes go on like this for awhile until at one point Lindsay literally runs over Charlie with her car, tosses the keys to someone else and says, "You were driving." 

AND FYI
-- This is all from the "working script" (Hollywood speak!) ... so you can check out the trailer, but it's anyone's guess what made the final cut.

525 COMMENTS

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Previous 15 Comments | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14
196.

Ellie G    

The sky is blue.

567 days ago
197.

lauriejune    

physical beauty is always canceled out by a lack of character and integrity. i.e" lying, stealing, cheating, whoring, prostitution and an inflated sense of self.

567 days ago
198.

Ellie G    

Fish swim.

567 days ago
199.

ketjo    

I know what the weather man is looking at but I just stepped out on the back deck to feed the deck cats and their are heavy clouds moving in over the mountains and it looks like they are loaded with mositure....and it still cold as crap on a iceberg outside.....snow ????? thought that was going north..... Oh well.......
No worries looks like we have a contender for Lindsay's nasty queen the crazy Hollywood whores in the wings. Lee Anne Rimes is pushing hard for the title....and Eddie out the door...You watch it he will be gone first chance he gets to run .....if he uses the brain in his head instead of the one he using now...the one between his legs......Yes sir that's another child star would has let the "star" go to her head.....she was a nasty little girl who won on the talent 'Star Search" show and grow nastier as she grow up....a sort of country Lindsay Lohan .....LOL
Bye Bye Lindsay.........Hello LocoLeAnn

567 days ago
200.

Delmar    

New thread, same tired subject.

567 days ago
201.

lauriejune    

ooops. i think i hit a nerve. too funny!

567 days ago
202.

ketjo    

You know Awards
You are in serious trouble..........!
I am after Your black check title of the most black checks for such a good comment....!! LOL

Somebody's working hard today....
Hello....Lohan Inc......have a nice day........

Got to go out and get some stocking stuffers....I always have the kids old socks filled with fruit on Christmas Day hanging on the mantel when they get here....and even with them all in there 40's now they expect their stockings to be there....Apples , Oranges , Tangerines, nuts and sugar sticks....and one hot wheels car for my baby boy !... to bad you can't find those red sugar wax lips they use to have ...I always bought them for the girls and they love having their picture taken with them on.......love to have a picture of them this year.....that would be a hoot.....!!!
Later.......Wearing my Red Coat and my White Fur Trimmed Hat hope I don't get mistaken for Mrs Claus again this year....LOL

567 days ago
203.

UPYOURS    

As we all know, its Christmas time and it has given me the opportunity to reflect on the last year + on TMZ. When I came here, it was a way to laugh and for an escape from some things that I wanted to forget for those moments in time that I was here. Much to my surprise, I met some people that mean a lot to me. Others who mean nothing, and yet others who I just shook my head over. Ketjo, LUV, ELLIE G, FIREFLY, FU, ZEPHYR, ANDY, MAGMAX you all rock! When I made known how I felt about racism on these boards, it wasn't to get "approval", it wasn't to piss anybody off, and it wasn't in hopes that somebody would "have my back". It was because that's me, that's what I believe. Funny enough, I hadn't even reached the page where my post appeared, but it was right under somebody that chose to believe that I was singling them out. Not so. Though it doesn't matter, it was pretty funny. A lot will think I am angry, I'm not. Disappointed in some people? Yes, but then that is the way life goes. It doesn't run who and what I am. Now on to Delmar. Delmar, I had little to no interaction with you prior to the day that you went hysterical over the purported picture of Hobie Lohan with the bottle of Grey Goose. I never said it was or wasn't him. I didn't know, much less did I care. When ILG said she was too busy to locate the photo for you, I went and retrieved the link for you, mainly just to shut you up about it. After providing you with what you asked for, you proceeded to jump all over me, hold me responsible for what others on this site said and did. I don't control what anybody says or does on this site, nor do I want to. You owe me an apology for that. Trust me, I'm not holding my breath for it. Up to that point, I had little to nothing to say about the other Lohan kids. Mainly because I didn't care about them, they weren't out there breaking the law, whoring around, and causing mayhem. For those that had negative things to say the other day about what I posted, I don't really care, it matters not. I didn't read them by any means though I knew they existed. By all means think and feel what you want to. I told Andy many months ago that I don't belong here and I don't. There are very few on here that know the real me, that I cared enough to tell them who I really am. I gained much from this site, for that I will always be grateful I was well and truly blessed. Am I upset that I am persona non grata? Not at all. Does it hurt me? Not at all. You have to care about the one's that are TRYING to hurt you to allow yourself to BE hurt. And I don't. Life is too short to play such stupid little games. I won't be back, I won't sneak back and black check or anything else, not my style. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

567 days ago
204.

lauriejune    

dear santa,
i want a case of vodka, three new crack pipes, a "do not go to jail card". Please bring mama a key of coke and a gift certicate for a face lift. ( she's been looking pretty rough lately).

567 days ago
205.

Becky    

Hey Lindsay, I pray every night that my 23 year old daughter's wishes and dreams come true. Becoming an actress, my daughter appeared in She's Out of My League, My Bloody Valentine, Zac and Mary Make a Pono and other movies as an extra.

Working full time, going to classes, and being my care giver due to MS, arthritis and other health issues.

Then you keep making the news in Negative ways.

You DO NOT know or realize how blessed you are.

Agents out there e-mail me and I will give you the references that my daughter's more than qualified, more and more movies are being shot/filmed here in Pgh Pa.

My daughter would get news media coverage in a positive spotlight.

I myself am so tired of hearing about Lindsay Lohan.

567 days ago
206.

OfficialCLM    

"This one goes in your mouth that one goes in your rectum..."

TOTALLY RIPPED OFF from "Idiocracy". BOOOO!

567 days ago
207.

Gargamel    

Shes still beautiful to me

566 days ago
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