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Lindsay Lohan in 'Scary Movie 5'

My Life Is

One Big Joke

12/22/2012 10:30 AM PST BY TMZ STAFF

1123-sheen-lohan-sub-2Lindsay Lohan and Charlie Sheen share the screen together in "Scary Movie 5" -- and while you think they'd each get made fun of equally, TMZ has learned the majority of the jokes come at LiLo's expense ... and boy do they have a lot of material to work with. 

TMZ has seen the working script for "SM 5" (don't worry we won't give too much away) and it starts with LiLo and Charlie in bed making a sex tape (obviously, what else?). As they get started Lindsay tells Charlie, "Okay but let's do this quick, I got a court hearing in the morning ... It's a driving mishap thing."

CHARLIE: "Promise me you won't drive."
LINDSAY: "That's very sweet. You're worried about me behind the wheel."
CHARLIE: "I'm worried about me. I'm a pedestrian."

But wait there's more ...

As things start to get hot and heavy (don't worry they cut down the actual kissing!) Charlie keeps running into LiLo's numerous bodily devices ... i.e. her sobriety monitor, tracking anklet, and a dog shock collar for orgasm help.

Once the scary stuff kicks in -- and Charlie gets thrown across the room -- Lindsay SCREEEAMS ... but it's only because she's watching her own crappy movie, "Herbie: Fully Loaded." In the trailer (below) the joke got switched to her watching the news instead ... which shows her probation being revoked

The jokes go on like this for awhile until at one point Lindsay literally runs over Charlie with her car, tosses the keys to someone else and says, "You were driving." 

-- This is all from the "working script" (Hollywood speak!) ... so you can check out the trailer, but it's anyone's guess what made the final cut.


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Hey Lindsay, i pray every night that my 23 year old daughter's wishes and dreams come true. Becoming an actress, appearing in She's Out of My League, Zac and Mary make a Porno, My Bloody Valentine,and others as extra's. Working full time, taking classes and being my care giver due to MS, arthritis, and other health issues. Then you keep making the news in negative ways. You DO NOT know or realize how blessed you are. Agents out there e-mail me and I will give you the references that my daughter is more than qualified more and more movies are being filmed here in Pittsburgh Pa. My daughter would get news media in positive coverage.
I myself am so tired of hearing about Lindsay Lohan. Becky

634 days ago


Damn I even got a hate for suggesting waiting for this movie to come out on DVD. The post was about the Scary movie series-even that is getting hate so the hater is actually hating Lohan and not wise enough to know it.

634 days ago


Lindsay, if you want laughs, take off your clothes.

634 days ago


You know the longer I'm on here, the more I see what a rocket scientist Alicia is. God bless her little heart.

634 days ago


i was never a fan of lindsay she showed her bitchy ways a long time ago, and people kept supportinher until things got really bad. but all this hate on lindsay, charlie is trash too. and you know who else is trash? mel gibson, but you guys will continue to give mel gibson number one opening weekends. idiots. if i were linsday i wouldnt give a damn about what you guys thought.

634 days ago

Grandma Cracker    

Lindsay, go for it!

Nobody is interested in her unless she is making fun of herself (see Liz and Dick) so I say put on a happy face and get that money while you can!

634 days ago

Rafaelle Zuccaro    

No wonder this young society is so F---ked UP-- These are the kind of people that they watch and "admire" Pigs and Wooores like Charlie and Lohan!!!! Hollywood and the "STARS" have rendered this country into the SEWER with they produce in Hollywood and on TV!!!! No wonder our country is Slouching to GOMMORAH!!!

634 days ago

Arthur P. Kaske    

Hey, Lindsey, it isn't that your life is one big joke, it is that hollywood is one big joke!

634 days ago

Arthur P. Kaske    

Boycott Hollywood!

634 days ago


Does Liftime still show Liz and Dick?

634 days ago

delusional much LL?    

lowhan's deluded mind has her thinking top directors/producers are dying to hire her.
that it's just the "misconception" that she's unreliable that stops them.
first, most directors,producers etc..couldn't give two cr*ps about her.
secondly,there's proof up the kazoo of how unreliable she is.
this nitwit can't act to save her life.
she makes jessica simpson look like katharine hepburn in comparison.
despite most people tuning in to blast "liz and dick" she still couldn't pull in huge ratings.
think for a second people will pay to see her?
she's not only a joke.
she's box office poison.

634 days ago


Sweet, the warlock and LiLO sounds like a super gnarly radical cutting edge film.........Most excellent! Warlock did you hire a Tigerblood intern?

634 days ago

Arthur P. Kaske    

I don't watch television, or go to any movies, and what news I read is off the internet, and I get to choose what I read, if I so like, and, when I read it, I do my own editing. Down with hollywood, and Heterophobic Terrorists and Homosexist Patriots.

634 days ago

Grandma Cracker    

Yes Smitty, Lindsay is the highest paid non actress in Hollywood. She is TONYA HARDING but with couple of extra zeros on her paycheck.

634 days ago


i hope they leave in the parts about her syphilis.

634 days ago
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