Paula Deen's Cruise -- TRASHED By Her Own Assistant!

Paula Deen probably expected a bad review or two for her Paula Deen & Family 2013 Caribbean Cruise ... but she probably didn't count on her own assistant trashing it on Twitter!

Brandon Branch -- who identifies himself as Deen's assistant on Twitter -- was aboard the cruise when it set sail on January 27 and immediately began piling on the insults, tweeting out, "This is a floating nursing home!!!!"

He followed that up seven minutes later with, "My room is also the size of my powder room at home. And no liquor in minibar! I am in a dark place!!!!"

Branch then started tweeting a friend, asking him to "get in the invisible plane and rescue me! I am in position! Lower the rope!!!!! You should be here with us! Everyone is 80 and up!"

Branch eventually stopped and didn't tweet again until yesterday ... with a whole new disposition: "Having a fabo lunch at El Cid resort! I have always loved Mexico!! One more day at sea then home. Been so much fun!"

Looks like someone drank the deep fried Kool-Aid.