If it wasn't for the lovely tree you see below, an obviously-inebriated Mickey Rourke would have been laying on the sidewalk. 
Rourke exited the West Hollywood lounge Guys and Dolls last night and immediately sought balance from the tree -- and then sought out his driver (but it took a few tries).
Filed under: Drunks, Mickey Rourke
The motorized bar stool a moronic mastermind was riding when he got a DUI in April was so cool, Ripley's Believe it or Not just tried to buy it -- but turns out the guy's checkered past got in the way of the sale. Shocker.
Ripley's just offered Kyle Wygle $3,500 for the coolest contraption on Earth -- but according to Ripley's, the Licking County Child Support Enforcement Agency begged the company not to buy it because K.W. was $37,066.39 in the hole.
Wygle told us he's now taking the LCCSEA to court -- and even told the agency to "f*** off" -- so he can finally cash in on his idiotic ingenuity.
Filed under: Wacky & Weird, Drunks
Pamela Bach -- the woman who's been on a passive-aggressive mission to tell the world David Hasselhoff is a hopeless drunk -- got a different form of support last night, because she was wasted.
Take a look at this video of P.B. being helped out of Halo nightclub in Hollywood.
Wonder if she made a stop at In-N-Out? We hear the floors are spotless ...
Filed under: Drunks, David Hasselhoff
Over 30,000 people protested The Preakness Stakes' new drinking rules this weekend -- and by protested, we mean they just stayed home and got drunk instead.
The race formerly known as "The Freakness" -- an all-day drunk-off for race fans -- was dealt a huge blow following a new alcohol law prohibiting fans from bringing their own booze to the race.
How big of a blow? According to the Washington Post, attendance this year went down from 112,222 to 77,850 -- despite the park still offering 16 ounce beers for $3.50.
We're gonna go out on a limb here, and say this video of the infamous "Preakness Running of Urinals 2008" had something to do with the decision.
Filed under: Drunks
Bet you've never seen anything like this before: A guy on the street tried to attack a guy inside a party bus -- while the bus was still moving!!
Filed under: Drunks, Fights, Ride Me
She was headed for the driver's seat -- but the dude Janice Dickinson was rolling with stepped in at the last second and likely saved her from a DUI ... or worse.
The Jurassic supermodel drove herself to Nobu last night -- and almost ripped one pap a new one when he called her a "drunkie" to her face.
When she exited the restaurant less than an hour later -- screaming, and stumbling -- it got even more disastrous.
Filed under: Train Wrecks, Drunks
If you're trying to prove to a cop you're not drunk, taking a swig from the breathalyzer might not be the best way to do it.
As far as we know, the footage was shot recently in Serbia ... but no one here speaks Serbian ... so that's our best guess.
Filed under: Wacky & Weird, Drunks
Rihanna had the same plans you did for Cinco de Mayo last night -- "Probably gettin' drunk!"
Judging by that outfit, we're not so sure she wasn't already.
Ohio natives beware -- the drunken idiot/genius who was banned from riding his motorized bar stool has just been given permission by a judge to saddle back up.
Kyle Wygel -- who got a DUI last month in Ohio while riding the greatest invention since, well, booze -- struck a plea deal on Friday, which forces him to pay an $830 fine and attend an alcohol prevention program.
But more importantly, the judge lifted the ban which kept Kyle from riding his bar stool-mobile -- which tops out at an impressive 38 MPH.
20 bucks says he's listening to "Free Bird" right now.
Filed under: Drunks
For a guy who claims he's serious about staying sober -- why does recovering alcoholic A.J. McLean of the Backstreet Boys keep trekking back into the dangerously tempting Hollywood club scene!?!
Don't get us wrong, we're rooting for him to stay clean -- but for a guy who fell off the wagon just a couple of months ago (see: Key Club incident) -- maybe the bar he was at last night isn't the best place to kick it nowadays.
Remember the old saying -- when you play with fire, you get drunk.
Filed under: Drunks
Former Miss New Mexico USA Raelene Aguilar better put some extra Vaseline on her teeth and smile wide in court -- because she's just been charged with criminal DWI.
Aguilar was arrested earlier this month by El Paso,TX PD, after getting an F on her field sobriety test. She's now officially charged with one misdemeanor. Her first court date is April 23.
Aguilar's reign as Miss New Mexico USA ended in December, 2008.
Filed under: Celebrity Justice, Drunks
VH1's asking its viewers for suggestions on who should appear on the next season of "Celebrity Rehab" -- and we nominate Mary Carey, even though she's already been on it!
The ex-porn star/full time train wreck proved she's still the perfect candidate last night in Hollywood. If at first you don't succeed, exploit yourself again!
Filed under: Train Wrecks, Drunks
Warning: It's best to cue the song "Dueling Banjos" before reading the following story:
Some MacGyver-esque drunkard in Ohio is facing DUI charges after crashing a bar stool he was driving -- HE WAS DRIVING!
Cops arrived to the scene around 5:41 PM on March 4, arrested the guy, and filed a police report ... here are the highlights ... it's classic.
"Unit #1 was heading west bound on Kelly Lane. Unit #1 attempted to turn around (180 degrees), and back down Kelly east bound. As Unit #1 began its turn, it rolled over and the operator was injured."
"Note: Unit #1 was a home made [sic] motor vehicle, a bar stool attached to a frame with a lawn mower attached."
"At this point I noticed that Mr. Wygle's eye's [SIC] were very blood shot and were glassy in appearance."
"I asked him what happened, Mr. Wygle stated, 'I wrecked my bar stool.'"
"I asked Mr. Wygle how much alcohol he had to drink, he said, 'a lot.'"
Click here... it's not over yet
Filed under: Wacky & Weird, Drunks
Regis Philbin sure enjoyed his vodka tonics on St. Patty's Day at the Oak Room -- and while he wasn't wearing any holiday colors, he certainly may have been feeling green this morning.
Filed under: Drunks
As Dr. Drew was gearing up to hit "Today" and "The View" this morning to pimp out his new book, one of his celebrity patients was recklessly falling off the wagon.
"Sober House"-mate Mary Carey was so tanked, she was hardly able to stand outside the Key Club -- struggling to keep her eyes open, shouting maniacally, and of course, making out with her lady friend.
Unfortunately, it's more tragic than entertaining .. especially the part where Mary shouted "I'm not sober anymore, but I love Dr. Drew!"
Filed under: Train Wrecks, Drunks
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