Mike Epps wants the world to plunge into darkness ... imploring all good Christians to TAKE DOWN THEIR XMAS LIGHTS!!!
We got the comedian at LAX where he schooled us on yuletide rules ... and just like white shoes after Labor Day subscribes to the unwritten rule on removing Christmas lights.
Tell that to Maria Shriver.
Swim Baby Swim
12/28/2013 2:50 PM PST BY TMZ STAFF
Paul McCartney did what most celebs do around the holidays -- migrate to a warmer climate and hit up the beach!
McCartney and his wife Nancy Shevell went for a swim Friday while vacationing in St. Barts ... and the 71-year old singer was awfully spry for his age while diving into the water.
Celebs have been peacing out to exotic places around Christmas and New Years for decades ... with St. Barts, Mexico and Hawaii being the choice destinations.
And you thought watching the Rose Parade was fun.
Wears 'F**king' Shirt
... to TOYS 'R US
12/26/2013 7:37 AM PST BY TMZ STAFF
Chad Johnson had a big, bold message printed on his t-shirt for all the little boys and girls at Toys R' Us to see on Christmas Eve ... "CARPE THAT F**KING DIEM" kids!
The former NFL star hit up the toy store in Pembroke Pines, FL to pick up some last minute gifts on Tuesday ... and actually decided to wear a shirt with the word "f**king" written in huge letters on the front.
Of course, the rest of the phrase was written in Latin ... so kids probably wouldn't get the "seize the day" message ... but "f**king" was written in plain English for everyone to enjoy.
We reached out to Chad for comment -- who told us, "I should've went in with no shirt."
ENGAGED to L.A. Dodgers Star
... And My Ring's Bigger Than Gabrielle Union's!!!
12/25/2013 12:22 PM PST BY TMZ STAFF
Evelyn Lozada got a helluva Christmas gift this morning from Dodgers star Carl Crawford ... a 14.5 carat DIAMOND ENGAGEMENT RING ... and sources tell TMZ the ring's worth $1.4 MILLION!!!
Crawford -- who's in the middle of a $142 million contract -- popped the question this morning ... and the "Basketball Wives" star said YES!
Just like Dwyane Wade, Crawford picked up the ring from go-to celebrity jeweler Jason of Beverly Hills.
For the record, the ring Wade gave to Gabrielle Union was ONLY 8.5 carats ... but size doesn't really matter, right???
Evelyn has been married before -- she tied the knot with Chad Johnson back in 2012 ... but divorced him later that year after the NFL star headbutted her during an argument. Before Johnson, she was engaged to NBA star Antoine Walker (but they never married).
As for her new man, she started dating Crawford earlier this year ... and Evelyn is 7 months pregnant with his child.
Schwarzenegger to Son
BEST XMAS GIFT EVER
Go Ahead, Take Her Top Off
12/25/2013 9:36 AM PST BY TMZ STAFF
It's GOOD to be Arnold Schwarzenegger's illegitimate love child -- just ask Joseph Baena, who just got a BRAND NEW JEEP for Christmas ... and TMZ has the pics.
We've learned Ahnald traveled up to Bakersfield on Monday and personally delivered the 16-year-old a brand new 2014 Jeep Wrangler Rubicon ... which, of course, comes with a removable roof (hence the headline, get it?).
We're told Joseph is PUMPED about his new whip ... there's just one problem -- he doesn't have his driver's license yet.
Still, sources say Joseph tried to sneak out to his whip to secretly take it out for a spin ... but he was caught by his mom Mildred Baena and she quickly put a stop to it.
Clearly, she's not a fan of sneaking around ... anymore.
The Best Holiday Movie is
'THE DEER HUNTER'
12/25/2013 5:30 AM PST BY TMZ STAFF
Forget "A Christmas Story," "Miracle on 34th St.," and "It's a Wonderful Life" ... the best holiday movie to snuggle up to with the family on Christmas day is ... "The Deer Hunter!"
At least that's what John Savage says ... he's one of the stars of the film -- you know, the one who loses his frickin' legs in that underwater rat cage in the Viet Kong prison camp.
John was soaking in the sunshine on a warm Christmas Eve in Malibu ... and told us his old flick is the perfect movie to throw on in the background while your kids open up their presents under the tree.
Check out the clip ... we're pretty sure he's being serious.
Just be careful if you bought your little ones the new Russian Roulette playset for Xmas ... you can shoot your eye out with that thing!!!
Now Watch Me Bang This Reindeer!
12/24/2013 8:34 AM PST BY TMZ STAFF
Here's a photo of Marshall Mathers getting into The Christmas Spirit.
"The Christmas Spirit" is the name of that reindeer.
... and to all a good night.
Cross the Imaginary Line At Your Peril!!!
12/24/2013 12:50 AM PST BY TMZ STAFF
A jolted jogger learned a scary lesson Saturday -- cross the imaginary line in the sand near President Obama's Hawaii retreat ... and the Secret Service will have your ass!
The jogger was happily barreling along on Kailua beach ... near Honolulu. Notice what looks like a palm frond plunked in the sand ... near the home where the Obamas are staying.
There's no sign ... no real way to know that's the line in the sand you just can't cross.
After the agents caught up with the jogger, he was sternly ordered away.
And you thought the phrase "drawing a line in the sand" was just a metaphor?!!
I Wine, I Drive
And It's All Legal
12/23/2013 12:24 PM PST BY TMZ STAFF
Reese Witherspoon is in the holiday spirit ... celebrating with her hubby with a little vino and then driving off into the sunset.
Reese and Jim Toth hit up the outdoor patio at Gjelina in Venice over the weekend. A source connected to Reese says she had a glass of wine with an early dinner and then walked around the area XMAS shopping for "several hours," and then got behind the wheel and drove home.
As you recall, Reese and Jim famously got arrested in Atlanta after a drunken night out on the town. Jim was busted for DUI. Reese was arrested for disorderly conduct.
to Denise Richards:
You're a Heartless, Ugly Hag
12/23/2013 7:37 AM PST BY TMZ STAFF
Denise just responded to the story via Twitter ...
Charlie Sheen has declared nuclear war on his ex-wife Denise Richards ... blasting her as a "heartless" and "ugly" hag who's holding their children hostage.
Sheen just blasted Richards ... again ... this time, he's furious that Denise won't let their children visit him to exchange Christmas gifts.
Charlie expressed his anger in a series of texts ... saying, "lemme see if I got this straight; you won't even spring the girls for 30 mins, from the 10 mil house I gave you, (100 yds away) to come down and open the gifts their dad bought them before they leave??"
"I hope your stocking is bronze-age coal stuffed along with an assortment of 8x10's of yours so you can see how despicable and heartlessly ugly you and your fermented soul continue to be."
He added, "hash tag. hag shag."
Charlie also says despite the fact Denise won't let him see the kids, she had the "audacity" to ask him to borrow his private jet to go on the big family trip that she banned him from.
Charlie says he went to Denise's home to plead with her to change her mind and to deliver gifts to the kids, but was not allowed to see them.
Charlie concludes, "This is the worst Xmas I've ever had."
Anger Free During Rehab Field Trip
12/23/2013 12:50 AM PST BY TMZ STAFF
Chris Brown was all smiles during his day away from lockdown anger management rehab ... pitching in at a charity toy drive for XMAS.
Chris didn't misstep -- not even once -- during the event ... where people come with unwrapped toys for underprivileged kids.
The judge in the Rihanna beating case ordered Brown to stay put in the rehab facility for 90 days, but honchos at the joint felt mingling on Melrose would actually help him by showing how satisfying it is to participate in non-violent activities.
Santa Snapshot Contest
HO HO HO-LARIOUS
12/22/2013 2:45 PM PST BY TMZ STAFF
The Saint Nic photos poured into the TMZ newsroom for our annual Santa Snapshots Contest -- so give an early xmas gift to your eyeballs and indulge in these awesome Kris Kringle pics!
Be sure to check back on Monday to vote for which Santa snapshot should score the $250 prize and some holiday gifts compliments of TMZ!
**CLICK HERE for contest rules and regulations!**
I'm Gonna See My Sons for Christmas!
12/22/2013 1:41 PM PST BY TMZ STAFF
Charlie Sheen is no longer on Santa's naughty list ... the actor was just given an awesome Christmas gift -- permission to celebrate with his twin boys.
Sources close to the situation tell TMZ ... the kids temp guardian Scott Mueller (Brooke Mueller's brother) has no interest in punishing Bob and Max on Christmas ... so he and Sheen hooked it up.
We're told Charlie's stoked that he can spend Christmas with the boys -- it takes the sting not seeing daughters Lola and Sam ... who are going on a trip with other ex-wife Denise Richards ... Sheen claims he's not allowed to tag along.