Here comes the story of Bob Dylan's hair ... which apparently belongs to the ex-wife of Black Keys singer Dan Auerbach. Seriously (according to court docs obtained by TMZ).
We've learned ... Auerbach's extremely bitter divorce with Stephanie Gonis was finalized this week in Tennessee ... after the warring couple came to terms on splitting up their assets.
First, the money: She gets more than $5 million. Plus, she gets the couple's 2012 Toyota Highlander and one of the family homes.
But who cares, because the real story here is BOB DYLAN'S HAIR.
According to the divorce docs, the couple owns an asset described as "Bob Dylan Hair."
It's unclear how the hair was obtained ... when it was obtained ... if the hair contains any product ... etc. -- but the point is, Dan agreed to part ways with it in the divorce.
Translation -- Stephanie, congrats ... you are the owner of a weird freaky piece of music memorabilia!!!!
We reached out to Bob about the situation, who told us, "MMmerrrrreeeerrrrmmmmmeeeaaahhh."'
Just kidding. He hasn't called us back yet.
Slams Black Keys Singer
He's an A**hole Rip-Off
8/2/2013 11:20 AM PDT BY TMZ STAFF
Jack White DETESTS The Black Keys -- in particular BK singer Dan Auerbach -- and the confession was made in the middle of Jack's very nasty divorce.
Jack's wife Karen Elson submitted a bunch of emails to a judge, claiming he was a threat to her safety. Frankly, we've read the emails and they're not that threatening, but what really stands out is Jack's venom over Dan and the band.
Jack is clearly pissed his kids are being enrolled in the same school as Dan's kid, writing, "My concern with Auerbach is because I don't want the kids involved in any of that crap ... That's a possible twelve f***ing years I'm going to have to be sitting in kids chairs next to that a**hole with other people trying to lump us in together."
He adds, "[Auerbach] gets yet another free reign to follow me around and copy me and push himself into my world."
Check out the emails, and then tell us who Jack hates more -- Karen or Dan.
The Black Keys
Sponsoring Little Leaguers
With BAD ASS Jerseys!
7/6/2013 4:30 AM PDT BY TMZ STAFF
The Black Keys just put local pizza places and hardware stores in Akron, Ohio to shame -- cause the group just sponsored their own little league team in town ... and hooked 'em up with some pretty kick ass jerseys!
Keys drummer Patrick Carney tells TMZ ... he used to play for the West Akron Baseball League in Ohio decades ago with his childhood best friend. So when his BF asked him to sponsor his lil bro's team this year, he jumped at the chance to give back.
The WABL's president says it only cost the group $300 to make it happen ... and everyone on the team couldn't have been happier with their involvement.
The best part -- after the season was over ... Patrick and keys band mate Dan Auerbach told the kids to send mail them their jerseys and they'll autograph every single one.
Beats a participation trophy.
ENRAGES Bieber Fans
with Twitter Profile
2/17/2013 5:20 AM PST BY TMZ STAFF
Black Keys drummer Patrick Carney is on the receiving end of A TON of Twitter hate ... because he raised the stakes in his war of words with Justin Bieber by changing his Twitter profile pic to one of the Biebs.
You'll recall ... Carney ignited the whole thing last week when he said Bieber didn't deserve any nominations, telling a TMZ photog, "Grammys are for like music, not for money ... and he's making a lot of money. He should be happy."
Bieber fired back on Twitter, saying Carney "should be slapped around haha."
But now Carney has taken it up another level by changing his Twitter profile pic to Bieber, his name to Justin Bieber, and his profile description to "official twitter for the actual verified Justin Bieber DOS virtual buddy."
Carney's handiwork has annoyed both his fans and Bieber's, prompting tweets like:
-- "I used to like you, but why are you being such a d**k?"
-- "do you even know how stupid and immature u look doing this. arent u like fifty?"
-- "do you know how f**king dumb your acting and how stupid you look lmao"
-- "Can we please have Patrick back?"
This is the whitest music feud ever.
Rips Black Keys Drummer --
He Needs to Get SLAPPED
2/12/2013 10:17 AM PST BY TMZ STAFF
Justin Bieber isn't taking too kindly to being told he doesn't deserve a Grammy -- going after the Black Keys drummer who insulted him ... saying, the drummer "should be slapped around."
Bieber added "haha" at the end of his statement -- which he posted on Twitter -- like he was joking.
the black keys drummer should be slapped around haha— Justin Bieber (@justinbieber) February 12, 2013
TMZ broke the story ... BK drummer Patrick Carney mocked Bieber's Grammy snub after the awards on Sunday -- telling TMZ, "He's rich, right? ... Grammys are for music, not for money ... and he's making a lot of money."
Grammy count -- Black Keys 7 ... Bieber 0
Black Keys Drummer
2/11/2013 7:05 AM PST BY TMZ STAFF
Justin Bieber has no business winning Grammys -- at least according to a guy who cleaned up at the award show last night ... Patrick Carney from The Black Keys.
Patrick was swarmed by fans outside Chateau Marmont when we asked if Bieber should feel snubbed -- seeing as how he didn't get a single Grammy nomination this year -- and he simply said, "He's rich, right?"
Then the Keys' drummer threw a major jab, adding ... "Grammys are for like music, not for money ... and he's making a lot of money. He should be happy."
He might have a point -- Justin's never won a Grammy, and does seem pretty happy ... with his Ferraris, Lamborghinis, and such.
By the way, you gotta hear what Patrick has planned for his riches.