There's a bunch of backstory here, but chances are if you've never seen an episode of the "Real Housewives of New Jersey," you won't care anyway. Just enjoy this nuclear dinner freakout, courtesy of Teresa and Danielle.
On last night's ridiculous season finale, dishes flew, one called the other a "prostitute whore" and a table was nearly tossed over.
P.S. -- Did we mention some of the ladies' kids were around? "Real" classy.
Rehabbed former actress Tara Reid continued on her downward spiral ... as she attempted to maneuver a flight of stairs at an event in Cannes this weekend.
The 33-year-old has made a triumphant return since checking into Promises Treatment Facility late last year.
She was headed for the driver's seat -- but the dude Janice Dickinson was rolling with stepped in at the last second and likely saved her from a DUI ... or worse.
The Jurassic supermodel drove herself to Nobu last night -- and almost ripped one pap a new one when he called her a "drunkie" to her face.
When she exited the restaurant less than an hour later -- screaming, and stumbling -- it got even more disastrous.
Amy Winehouse bailed on the St. Lucia Jazz Festival this weekend -- midway through a song!
Amy was attempting to perform "Valerie" when suddenly she stopped singing, stared at the ground for 30 seconds and walked off stage -- leaving her backup singers looking as confused as she does on a regular basis.
Her reps blamed the rain, citing "technical difficulties."
One of the bastards behind the Oklahoma City bombing is complaining about a huge problem he's having behind bars -- his ass is bleeding.
Terry Nichols, the man who conspired with Tim McVeigh to murder 168 innocent people in the 1995 bombing of the Federal Building, has filed a complaint with the Bureau of Prisons because he's "suffering" from chronic constipation, bleeding and hemorrhoids.
According to the document, obtained by The Smoking Gun, Nichols claims his prison diet is causing the pain in his butt. In particular, Nichols blames a lack of insoluble fiber.
Even more outrageous -- Nichols listed fellow Florence Prison inmate Eric Rudolph, who bombed abortion clinics and the 1996 Summer Olympics, as a witness to their "bad food selection" saying that Rudolph suffers from gas and stomach cramps.
Both Nichols and Rudolph said they believe our bodies are sacred and should be treated as such. Ironic, no?
A couple that appeared on a "Dr. Phil" episode for domestic abuse was just busted on suspicion of robbing an Ohio pharmacy of hundreds of painkillers.
Kurtis DeWitt and his girlfriend, Megan Lillo -- who once told Dr. Phil that Kurtis beat, choked, slapped and hit her with a rock -- were arrested last week after Kurtis allegedly stormed into a Kaiser Wells Pharmacy wearing a mask and a hoodie and demanded large amounts of OxyContin. According to the Norwalk Reflector, the pharmacist forked over the pills and Kurtis allegedly hopped in a getaway car driven by Lillo.
But get this: Cops weren't able to catch DeWitt right away, but were able to place him at the Kaiser Wells Pharmacy by checking the logs on an ankle bracelet he was wearing for a previous crime spree ... in which Lillo had also been the getaway driver.
DeWitt was charged with aggravated robbery and Lillo with one count of conspiracy.
Billy Bob Thornton should have known better -- being impolite doesn't fly for Canadians.
The actor "musician" and his band, The Boxmasters, have canceled their last two Canadian tour dates with Willie Nelson following Billy Bob's now-infamous radio rant of d-bag awesomeness, according to an announcement on Willie's website.
But Billy Bob didn't just end his hissy fit in the studio. Apparently he went on stage later that night, in front of an all-Canadian audience, and called his interviewer an "asshole"... for, you know, asking Billy Bob questions.
The canceled shows might stem from the fact that Billy Bob said Canadian audiences were boring ... or because actors are usually terrible at playing music.
He's just lucky he was in Canada and not some scarier, less-Canadian country.
VH1's asking its viewers for suggestions on who should appear on the next season of "Celebrity Rehab" -- and we nominate Mary Carey, even though she's already been on it!
The ex-porn star/full time train wreck proved she's still the perfect candidate last night in Hollywood. If at first you don't succeed, exploit yourself again!
It looks like former Atlanta Falcons QB and current dog-killing inmate Michael Vick is following in O.J. Simpson's footsteps -- he's shopping around a book about his life and crimes.
The proposed memoir of Vick's rise from poverty to stardom would likely be an attempt to show the NFL that he's sorry enough to be let back in the league. You know, sorry about the dogs, dog fighting and dog imprisonment, but also sorry for going to jail for 23 months. Remember, this is the NFL... it's almost impossible to get suspended forever. They still like O.J. and he killed his wife got imprisoned for stealing memorabilia.
The book will likely be a mixture of the "Da Vinci Code" and O.J.'s "If I Did It." Except with more dog torture. And 100% ghostwritten.
As Dr. Drew was gearing up to hit "Today" and "The View" this morning to pimp out his new book, one of his celebrity patients was recklessly falling off the wagon.
"Sober House"-mate Mary Carey was so tanked, she was hardly able to stand outside the Key Club -- struggling to keep her eyes open, shouting maniacally, and of course, making out with her lady friend.
Unfortunately, it's more tragic than entertaining .. especially the part where Mary shouted "I'm not sober anymore, but I love Dr. Drew!"
If two MTV hasbeens get together and make total jackasses of themselves by getting wasted and stealing a homeless man's cart, does that make them any less irrelevant?
One of the bastards behind the Oklahoma City bombing is complaining about a huge problem he's having behind bars -- his ass is bleeding. 
Billy Bob Thornton should have known better -- being impolite doesn't fly for Canadians.
It looks like former Atlanta Falcons QB and current dog-killing inmate Michael Vick is following in O.J. Simpson's footsteps -- he's shopping around a book about his life and crimes.
