Billy Zane is far too qualified for an intellectual convo about a Japanese briefcase/portable toilet -- but luckily we have a newsroom full of people ready to talk tech ... well, most of 'em are.

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You are about to learn something Billy Zane. In an unrelated matter, you are also about to learn about riding a bicycle while intoxicated.


We shot video of B.Z. leaving Villa last night in West Hollywood on his tricked-out bike -- little horn and all. Billy looks totally sober, but it got us thinking ... could a celeb, or you for that matter, dodge a DUI by jumping on a Schwinn rather than hopping in a BMW? The answer: Nope.

We checked with two police departments. In California, at least, there's actually a crime -- Driving Under the Influence on a Bicycle. It's a misdemeanor, cops can demand you take a field sobriety or blood alcohol test, and you can be arrested and jailed.

Still, it's a lot safer than driving a motor home ... wasted.

Don't ask Billy Zane where else he shaves -- unless you want to get cut.

John Stamos is excited to get a star on the Walk of Fame -- so long as it's not near Bob Saget's. He shouldn't worry too much, Bob doesn't have one.

Also in L.A.: Jon Voight talked Angelina, Beyonce made a made dash from American Apparel, Traci Bingham smacked her own ass and Paula Abdul was got a pitchy birthday serenade.

In NY: Anne Hathaway gave paps the silent treatment, Abigail Breslin was swarmed for autographs, D-lister Kathy Griffin said she's never been to Casa Aramara, and Mario Lopez was asked about gettin' it on during the Pirates of the Caribbean ride. Shiver me timbers!

Audrina had paps salivating as she got a fake tattoo for that lame reality show -- until Billy Zane showed up next door and really stole her thunder! Um... "Ttianic" was 11 years ago!


Also sad but true, Zane would never get that much paparazzi coverage without blindly walking into it. Iceberg!

Eleven years ago, this actor starred in "Titanic," but has since sunk to a new low. Can you guess who the bald and the, er, beautiful star is?

"Titanic" star Billy Zane was snapped in London while zipping along on an electric skateboard -- carrying a doctor's bag and looking ready to take on the fog ... or a patient! Iceberg!

The 41-year-old bald hunk turns heads while his tiny wheels turn during his excursions for morning coffee. Nice October look!