Larry David insists ... it wasn't his fault he got his ass trapped in a parking garage last month -- it was the mind-bendingly complex ticket machine at the exit, specifically programmed to make his life hell.

Larry appeared on "Conan" last night, explaining the circumstances behind the video TMZ posted last month (below) -- showing Larry having a hilarious meltdown inside a Santa Monica parking garage.



Larry explains, he tried to pay the ticket machine cash ... but it didn't accept his money -- and when he noticed a massive line of cars piling up behind him, he decided to get out to apologize for the hold up.

When he got out, Larry says a strange woman was kind enough to help him -- by showing him how to swipe his credit card to pay.

Larry adds, "If you had told me years ago that I would be a bad swiper, I wouldn't have believed it."

Conan O'Brien was sucked into the L.A. Marathon chaos -- which somehow led to a history lesson about 19th Century Ireland. Oh, and the Valley too. It's a whole thing.

Check out TMZ on TV -- click here to see your local listings!

David Cross claims his new movie "Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked" is a piece of theatrical GARBAGE ... and blames the disaster on a Jewish producer who personifies negative stereotypes about Jews.

Cross went on "Conan" last night ... and said filming the movie was "the most miserable experience I've ever had in my professional life" -- claiming the producer forced him at "legal point" to spend a week on a cruise ship, filming scenes in a massive full-body pelican costume (below).

Cross then attacked an unnamed female "Chipmunks" producer ... saying she was "the personification of what people think about when they think negatively about Jews."

In the end, Cross -- who also starred in the first two "Chipmunks" films -- urged viewers NOT to see the movie ... saying the whole thing is nothing more than a "big commercial for Carnival Cruise Lines."

George Lopez' TBS TV show has been cancelled, but there's an even bigger story here -- that Conan O'Brien is failing at the network.

TBS just announced the last show will air tomorrow night.  It's been on the air for 2 seasons.

Now the bigger story.  It looks like Conan did to George what Jay Leno did to Conan.  You'll recall, when Jay Leno came back to NBC, his 10 PM show tanked and killed Conan's ratings. 

Well Lopez had the 11 PM time slot for its first season, but then when Conan came to TBS a year ago he took over the 11 PM slot and Lopez moved to midnight -- meaning George was relying on Conan to deliver a good lead-in.

But when the change was made, George's audience plummeted 40%.

On Monday, Conan pulled in an anemic 0.5 rating in the key demographic (18 - 49) with 715,000 viewers -- and that's a pretty typical day.  George's ratings hovered around 0.2, with 400,000 viewers. 

Short story -- Nobody's watching.

Jon Cryer just went on the Conan O'Brien show to fire off a mind bullet at his former co-star Charlie Sheen ... trolls DO exist ... and Jon is one of them!!!! Duh ...

Howard Stern has decided he's finally "ready" to weigh in on the late night wars -- and last night, The King of All Media went on "Letterman" to SHRED Jay Leno ... saying he's "horrible" and has "no talent."

You gotta see this clip from the "Conan O'Brien" show tonight ... hilarious.

Here's actress Glenn Close on the set of her new film "Albert Nobbs" in Ireland (left) -- and Conan O'Brien in L.A. earlier this year (right).


Being Conan is a drag.

We're just sayin'.

We took your questions on everything -- including Mel Gibson and Oksana Grigorieva squaring off in court, Demi Lovato not in treatment for drugs, and Shia LaBeouf's parking foul.


Plus: Conan O'Brien's ratings are through the roof.

The only thing bigger than Conan O'Brien's enormous red pompadour ... is the giant moon looming behind Coco's desk on the set of his brand spanking new late night show.


TMZ has obtained a photo of Conan's set at the Warner Brothers lot in Burbank, CA -- which will officially be unveiled tonight during the inaugural episode of "Conan" on TBS.

Let the Jay Leno/NBC bashing begin.

TMZ has learned the identity of Conan O'Brien's first guest on Monday night, but -- WARNING -- don't click the link unless you want to spoil the surprise!!!!