Rosie O'Donnell is in no position to bash Lindsay Lohan -- at least according to Lindsay's loyal father, who claims Rosie's a washed-up failure at life ... who only stayed famous because she adopted a bunch of kids.

Michael Lohan tells TMZ, "Who the hell is Rosie O'Donnell to judge anyone, especially Lindsay, who has far more talent than Rosie ever had?"

He says, "Lindsay's talent isn't limited to being a comedian or getting notoriety for adopting and raising a bunch of kids. Sure, [Lindsay] has her pitfalls, but she is 25, and how old is Rosie?" (50, in case you're wondering).

Michael adds, "Two failed talk shows, a failed marriage, etc ... He/she who is without sin. May they cast the first stone."

As we previously reported, Rosie went on "Today" this morning, claiming Lindsay hasn't made a single good film since she was sixteen ... and isn't capable of portraying Liz Taylor in her new movie.

Kate Major just called the cops on Michael Lohan (again) -- claiming he violated his restraining order (again) -- but Michael insists it's all BS (again).

Law enforcement sources tell TMZ, Michael's on-again-off-again-on-again GF called the Delray Beach Police Dept. in Florida today, claiming Lohan had shown up to a salon she was at (a violation of the current protective order against him) and started furiously banging on the glass windows.

We're told cops showed up -- but by the time they arrived, Michael had already split.

But Lohan tells us, he didn't violate the court order because Kate INVITED him to the salon in the first place ... to borrow money from him.

Michael says Kate has been seriously involved with him recently and -- shocker -- the two have been secretly living together for awhile.

Law enforcement sources tell us, police took Kate's report when they showed up to the salon -- and have also spoken with Michael about his side of the story.

We're told the case will be referred to the Florida State Attorney's Office -- to decide if charges will be filed.

Only one way to find out if Dial-a-Star is for real -- call up the D-listers it offers! Don't worry, we spared you from an awkward convo with Lindsay Lohan's dad -- by doing it ourselves. You're welcome.

Check out TMZ on TV -- click here to see your local listings!

Forget "Real Housewives" ... Danielle Staub is now earning over $1,000 AN HOUR to chat on the phone with fans ... and here's a shocker, she doesn't even need to talk dirty.

The former reality villain has joined forces with a website called Dial-A-Star.com ... connecting fans with z-list celebs at a premium price ... Staub gets $18-per-minute.

And she isn't the only one cashing in ...

Tila Tequila -------- $20-per-minute
Dina Lohan ------- $18-per-minute
OctoMom ---------- $12-per-minute
Michael Lohan --- $10-per-minute

There's more ... including "Jersey Shore" cast-off Angelina Pivarnick, Charlie Sheen's tryst Capri Anderson, and Hugh Hefner's ex-fiancee Crystal Harris.

We're told the site's been blowing up since it launched last week ... with Staub taking the honors as the top earner ... raking in $6,000 in calls since the launch. Angelina and Michael Lohan are tied for second with over $3,000 each, followed by Octomom at $1,260.

And here we thought these people might have to get real jobs soon. Silly us.

Michael Lohan and The Whopper weren't meant to be after all ... TMZ has learned Lindsay's dad has decided to pass on the Burger King gig ... and instead, he's accepted a job at a Miami radio station.

TMZ broke the story ... the treatment center where Lohan is seeking court-ordered counseling told Michael to get a job to help transition back into normal functioning society. 

(Reminder: Mike was ordered to complete treatment as part of his plea deal in his domestic violence case)

Mike had initially applied to BK ... but he's since found a better gig with the WiLD 95.5 radio station in Palm Beach, FL.  We're told Mike will primarily take on the grunt work ... but we wouldn't be surprised if they featured him on air from time to time.

The pay isn't bad either -- $8.25 an hour ... 50 cents more than he would've made at Burger King.

But he won't be spending it all in one place ... or at all ... 'cause we're told MiLo is planning to donate his entire paycheck to charity.

Michael Lohan is finally gearing up to ask the burning question that may or may not have been on his mind for years -- "Would you like fries with that?"

Sources tell TMZ, Michael filed an application with a local Burger King in Palm Beach, Florida yesterday after he was released from a residential treatment facility -- which he was sentenced to as part of a plea deal in his domestic violence case involving ex-GF Kate Major.

According to sources, Lohan was moved to a 3-bedroom suite in Palm Partners halfway house after his rehab release -- and the counselors at the treatment center recommended he get a real job to pass the time ... until his final release on March 16th.

We're told the job's primary purpose isn't to make money -- though $7.75 an hour ain't bad -- it's to help residents like Michael slowly assimilate back into normal society.

So far, it's unclear if he locked down the burger-flipping gig.

Michael Lohan was taken to the hospital early Friday morning after experiencing chest pains ... TMZ has learned.

According to our sources, Lohan was transferred from a rehab facility in Palm Beach, FL. We're told doctors found more blood clots and put him on medication to try and break them up.

Our sources say doctors feel they don't need to perform surgery, but they want to keep in the hospital for a couple of days to make sure the medication works.

This is the second time in two months Lohan has been hospitalized for heart problems. He had surgery to repair a blockage back on December 5. 

Lohan is due to be released from rehab on March 16.

The Lohans came together for a traditional family Christmas photo on Sunday -- but one person was conspicuously missing ...

While Ali, Dina, Mike Jr., Lindsay, and Cody chowed down in Long Island to commemorate the birthday of Jesus -- Michael Lohan was stuck in Florida ... completing his court-ordered  4-month stint at a treatment center, which includes a domestic violence intervention program.

Sources close to the Lohans tell us, it was pretty joyous -- lots of gifts, delicious food, and no one jumping off a 3-story balcony.

Michael Lohan's life is in the hands of doctors ... who are performing surgery on Mike's heart in an effort to unclog an important artery ... this according to Lohan's rep.

TMZ broke the story ... Lohan had trouble breathing and speaking a couple of weeks ago ... and docs believe the trouble stemmed from Mike's ticker.

Now, the rep tells us ... Lohan is currently undergoing a procedure to "repair a blockage."

Once Lohan is stable, the rep says Mike will return to his court-ordered treatment center -- where he will continue to participate in a domestic violence intervention program.

Michael Lohan is set to go under the knife tomorrow, but today ... sources close to MiLo tell TMZ he is having trouble breathing and speaking as he rests up for the surgery.

As TMZ first reported, Lohan will undergo heart surgery on Monday and have a stent inserted. Sources close to Lohan tell us heart problems run in the family.

We're told doctors feel Lohan should have had the procedure six months ago, and that's why he is in such bad condition today.

Michael Lohan did not have surgery as planned yesterday, TMZ has learned, because doctors discovered additional blood clots in his lung which required treatment before they could operate.

As TMZ first reported, Lohan was rushed to the hospital on Thursday after complaining of chest pains and doctors determined he needed surgery.

According to our sources, doctors discovered blood clots in one of his lungs in their original examination ... but discovered more yesterday. So, we're told, they put him on medication to break down the clots and rescheduled the surgery for Monday.

Certainly he will outlive us all.