Tom Arnold is in serious danger of a Swine Flu fallout -- not because he caught the sickness ... because last night he described it as "the flu they named after my ex-wife."


FYI, Tom has three ex-wives -- Roseanne Barr, Julie Champnella and Shelby Roos. You decide which one he's talkin' about.

It's the scent that just won't go away. Tom Arnold has just gotten officially unmarried for the third time.

Tom's divorce with his third wife is officially a done deal. He's single and free to try again, though we think he'd do better taking Ernest Borgnine's advice.

Under the terms of the divorce, Shelby Roos Arnold gets $15,000 a month in spousal support for 25 months.

Tom, who filed for the big D, gets the Tarzana house. All the bank accounts in Tom's name stay Tom's. She keeps her accounts to herself.

So we're guessin' there's no one better to handicap a beatdown between Jessica Simpson and Pam Anderson than Tom Arnold. 'Memba -- Pam called Jess a bitch and a whore for pushing meat. And we all know Pam's an expert on meat, just not the kind that comes from cows.

Jim Jones -- rapper, not People's Temple cult leader -- joins 50 Cent in bashing Alicia Keys' alleged remark that gangsta rap was created so black people kill themselves. But for now, he'll also give her the benefit of the doubt.

Also in L.A.: Sly Stallone was buff as ever, Tom Arnold randomly confirmed Ryan Seacrest was dating Sophie Monk, Alessandra Ambrosio looked hot as ever despite being preggers, Janice Dickinson screamed bloody murder and Kim K. went make-up free.

In NY: Neil Patrick Harris dodged the Britney bomb again, Kritsy Lee Cook met fans, Joshua Jackson proposed to his girlfriend and there was a 90s reunion at Butter -- with Matthew Perry, Kathy Najimy and Richard Kind.

How's this for jock blocking? Tom Arnold was spitting game with a hot blonde at Foxtail, when some curbside sock seller dropped the ultimate no-no -- he brought up Tom's biggest ex.


And that was after sock guy offered to put one on his junk for Tom's amusement. Needless to say, Tom went home alone that night.

As TMZ first reported, Tom Arnold was allegedly a no-show at an event with Iraq war vets. When we caught up with him at the Young Hollywood Mansion Party, Tom let us know how it all went down.


He also claims to know the guy in the fake Lohan sex tape. TMI Tom.

Did Tom Arnold leave some Iraq war vets and Ed McMahon in the lurch when he backed out of a scheduled appearance with them? Not true! We're told a severe illness prevented him from showing up.

TMZ has learned that Arnold was enlisted by McMahon himself to appear at a screening of "This Is War," a documentary about seven US soldiers who were burned over 90% of their bodies during combat. Because Tom said he would show, organizers tell us FOX TV, Spike TV, and Sea Allure agreed to fly the soldiers out by private jet to the screening last weekend.

Click here... it's not over yet

Last night when our guy asked Tom Arnold how his divorce from Shelby Roos was going, he hinted that someone made out nicely and it was pretty clear it wasn't him.


This from the guy who allegedly got a handsome payday from his divorce from Roseanne Barr. She's going to love this. And BTW --what is that on his neck? He might want to get a doctor's opinion. We're just sayin'...

Sure, we dish it out, and we can take it too -- but Illeana Douglas definitely crossed a line when she walked around Hollywood last night with a sign reading, "TMZ causes cancer. Stop filming celebrities, start filming poverty."


The irony -- or we're hoping, the point of this gutless stunt -- is that Douglas was at the premiere of and supporting the new season of "Dirt," the FX series starring Courteney Cox, which is all about filming celebrities.

TMZ caught Jennifer Hudson in front of Koi last night, naming a laundry list of producers she's working with on her debut album. Sister bettah pay attention though, cause she almost forgot to mention Timbaland, who's only the biggest producer in music right now!


Also out last night -- leather-bound Lenny Kravitz, sequin-covered Bobby Trendy, Tom Arnold outside the Laugh Factory, and Deryck Whibley partying without wife Avril Lavigne. Kelly Carlson was also at Mr. Chow, explaining how accepting Hollywood is -- though it's not hard to be accepted when you're blonde and gorgeous!

All this and more in today's "Forget-Me-Not" edition of Star Catcher.

Talkative Tom Arnold was out in L.A. last night and TMZ asked him what he thought about the "Iggy" the dog situation with Ellen. Arnold said, "That's women for ya!" He's a charmer!


Arnie went on, basically voicing what others have been saying, but Tom used more eloquent verbiage.

The comedian also called the Moms and Mutts owners "psychos."