Ashton Kutcher shamelesly tried to pull off the body waxing scene from "40-year-old Virgin" during a break from filming a movie in France, but as you'll learn real fast from watching this clip -- he's no Steve Carell.
Dude is way less hairy and way less funny -- but you gotta give Ashton props on his body. Demi could do her laundry on that stomach ... if she actually did her own laundry.
Reports of Ashton Kutcher's pap popularity have been greatly exaggerated -- by Ashton himself.
Take a look at Kutcher's latest video on his trusty Twitter page (left) to demonstrate the pap "harassment" at LAX -- getting pissed when one of 'em, according to Demi, called her a "crazy little bitch."
Then check out our video of the same scene (right). There are only about 3 paps total, all friendly, one of whom tells Demi to "be careful you crazy little thing."
In an attempt to turn his contempt towards his "dickweed" neighbor into something comical, Ashton Kutcher thanked the construction workers below his house for putting off their hammering until well after 7:30 AM.
Doing his best John Cusack impression, Kutcher and Demi blasted Peter Gabriel, held up a sign reading "Free Hugs" and even chucked bottles of Vitamin Water down to the rooftop workers below.
With his tail firmly tucked between his legs, a substantially calmer Ashton Kutcher got back in front of his webcam just minutes ago and apologized for verbally bashing his "dickweed ... jackass" of a neighbor over today's early morning hammering incident.
Ashton Kutcher went absolutely insane when he was woken up by a neighbor who started construction on a house at 7:30 in the morning.
Kutcher got a camera and taped the explosion -- it's an instant classic.
Ashton has been blogging updates on the situation all morning -- here are the unedited highlights ... with spelling errors and all:
-- this SOB owl feces cougar placenta jack bone dick! -- Jack ass 7am building a goddamn fort next to my house f'in up my view and noise polluting the entire f'in neighborhood with pounding steal -- holy moly I'm gonna lose it! -- this ass clown has another thing coming! -- I'm gonna kill my neighbor!
Demi also fired off some shots on her website as well -- here are those unedited gems:
-- calm and gentle baby you can pull out the paint gun later! -- baby keep it together there should only be another 5 months of this. -- the neighbor doing consruction with 6 guys pounding hammers against steel at 7am is no way to wake up!
The man who is building the house that caused Ashton Kutcher to melt down says the actor is acting "silly."
Bruce Goldsmith, a screenwriter, says he's "startled" that Kutcher went crazy this morning at 7:30 AM, complaining of noise at Goldsmith's construction site.
Goldsmith was quick to point out the city of L.A. allows him to start construction at 7:00 AM, and that Ashton "just doesn't want to deal with reality." Goldsmith says Ashton, who called him a "dickweed," a "jackass" and "owl feces cougar placenta," is "out of line." As Goldsmith says, "they don't make hammers covered with rubber."
Goldsmith finds it somewhat ironic that the house Kutcher lives in was built over a ten year period and neighbors had to deal with the noise.
He adds Kutcher has been pleasant in the past but has complained, with Goldsmith telling him he "can't do anything about the noise." He's been building the house for six months.
Last night's Youth Inaugural Ball at the Hilton Washington was intended for young Americans 18-35, so what the hell was 46-year-old MILF Demi Moore doing there?!
Well, someone did have to chaperone Ashton Kutcher.
Sure, Ashton Kutcher has coached his Harvard Westlake High School football team to an impressive 4-2 record, he brings intensity to the field, and he helps lure legends like Tommy Lasorda onto the sidelines. But the real reason the guys on the squad like him -- the extra tight ends he packs into the stands.
Married just three years, Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher have officially become THAT couple. After traipsing through Chicago in identical outfits this weekend, the Moore-Kutchers further annoyed everyone and finished each other's sentences, raved about how well their youngest was doing in school and talked incessantly about their summer vacation.
Seven years after her murder, a suspect has finally been charged in the stabbing of Ashley Ellerin -- who was linked to Ashton Kutcher at the time of her death.
Michael Gargiulo, who's been in custody for several months for a different crime, was officially charged with two murders today -- one of which was Ellerin's.
Two of his attorneys, Elana Goldstein and David Murphy, tell TMZ, "Our client vehemently denies all allegations against him and any involvement in any of these murders."
Ellerin was found stabbed to death in her apartment. The night of her murder, Ashton showed up at her house to pick her up for a Grammy party, but left when she didn't answer the door.
Police have used DNA to link a man to the 2001 murder of Ashley Ellerin -- who happened to be dating Ashton Kutcher at the time of her death.
The story goes like this: Back in the pre-Demi days, Kutcher told police he went to pick up Ellerin for a post-Grammy party, but she didn't answer the door. He looked through a back window and saw what he thought were red wine stains on the carpet. He eventually left.
Those weren't wine stains and her body was discovered the next day by a friend.
Michael Gargiulo has been in custody since June for attempted murder of another woman. That's when DNA tests were used to link him to several murders, including Ellerin's.
Gargiulo's lawyer, Anthony V. Salerno, says he has not been charged in Ellerin's murder, but admits he's the prime suspect.
Ashton Kutcher stopped to pay the valet outside the fifth anniversary party for Dolce last night. A nice gesture, but not really necessary when you own the restaurant.
Harvey Levin You're not the only one who thinks T.O. isn't doing that well this season... http://su.pr/5bNNfP
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Tila Tequila & yes, if I EVER see you in MY CITY OF HOLLYWOOD, Not Only will I BLACKLIST YOU but I will personally CUT YO ASS! Pop them silicone titties!
Tila Tequila This Mr. Roger looking ass @cocktailVh1 talkin bout she keeps it real yet dont admit she got breast implants! SIT DOWN HO & WASH YO PUSSY!
The following messages have been left by various celebrities on their Twitters since the death of DJ AM.
The man who is building the house that caused Ashton Kutcher to 
Seven years after her murder, a suspect has finally been charged in the stabbing of Ashley Ellerin -- who was linked to Ashton Kutcher at the time of her death.
Police have used DNA to link a man to the 2001 murder of Ashley Ellerin -- who happened to be dating Ashton Kutcher at the time of her death. 
