Reports of Ashton Kutcher's pap popularity have been greatly exaggerated -- by Ashton himself.
Take a look at Kutcher's latest video on his trusty Twitter page (left) to demonstrate the pap "harassment" at LAX -- getting pissed when one of 'em, according to Demi, called her a "crazy little bitch."
Then check out our video of the same scene (right). There are only about 3 paps total, all friendly, one of whom tells Demi to "be careful you crazy little thing."
In an attempt to turn his contempt towards his "dickweed" neighbor into something comical, Ashton Kutcher thanked the construction workers below his house for putting off their hammering until well after 7:30 AM.
Doing his best John Cusack impression, Kutcher and Demi blasted Peter Gabriel, held up a sign reading "Free Hugs" and even chucked bottles of Vitamin Water down to the rooftop workers below.
With his tail firmly tucked between his legs, a substantially calmer Ashton Kutcher got back in front of his webcam just minutes ago and apologized for verbally bashing his "dickweed ... jackass" of a neighbor over today's early morning hammering incident.
Ashton Kutcher went absolutely insane when he was woken up by a neighbor who started construction on a house at 7:30 in the morning.
Kutcher got a camera and taped the explosion -- it's an instant classic.
Ashton has been blogging updates on the situation all morning -- here are the unedited highlights ... with spelling errors and all:
-- this SOB owl feces cougar placenta jack bone dick! -- Jack ass 7am building a goddamn fort next to my house f'in up my view and noise polluting the entire f'in neighborhood with pounding steal -- holy moly I'm gonna lose it! -- this ass clown has another thing coming! -- I'm gonna kill my neighbor!
Demi also fired off some shots on her website as well -- here are those unedited gems:
-- calm and gentle baby you can pull out the paint gun later! -- baby keep it together there should only be another 5 months of this. -- the neighbor doing consruction with 6 guys pounding hammers against steel at 7am is no way to wake up!
The man who is building the house that caused Ashton Kutcher to melt down says the actor is acting "silly."
Bruce Goldsmith, a screenwriter, says he's "startled" that Kutcher went crazy this morning at 7:30 AM, complaining of noise at Goldsmith's construction site.
Goldsmith was quick to point out the city of L.A. allows him to start construction at 7:00 AM, and that Ashton "just doesn't want to deal with reality." Goldsmith says Ashton, who called him a "dickweed," a "jackass" and "owl feces cougar placenta," is "out of line." As Goldsmith says, "they don't make hammers covered with rubber."
Goldsmith finds it somewhat ironic that the house Kutcher lives in was built over a ten year period and neighbors had to deal with the noise.
He adds Kutcher has been pleasant in the past but has complained, with Goldsmith telling him he "can't do anything about the noise." He's been building the house for six months.
UPDATE: 2:23 PT: We've now confirmed Demi's scofflaw daughter is 17-year-old Scout. Her offense -- illegal U turn.
Demi Moore has just shown up at the Santa Monica Courthouse with one of her daughters.
Demi and one of the girls are in line at Juvenile Traffic Court -- yes, there is such a thing.
Someone in line is cackling, "Hey, there's G.I. Jane!"
In this court, a parent must accompany a minor child.
Demi looks hot with sunglasses on her head. She's wearing a black top and showing some cleavage -- which should help the case.
Fun Fact -- If Demi thought this was a good day to slip into court, she didn't know there's an epic custody case going on there today involving Kelly Rutherford.
UPDATE: Court is now in session and everyone inside -- including Demi -- is being forced to watch a 30-minute video on reckless driving -- which is still better than watching "Striptease."
UPDATE: Demi and her daughter have just left the courthouse and gotten into a Mercedes. We're told they left in the middle of the video. We don't know the dispo of the case.
Last night's Youth Inaugural Ball at the Hilton Washington was intended for young Americans 18-35, so what the hell was 46-year-old MILF Demi Moore doing there?!
Well, someone did have to chaperone Ashton Kutcher.
Courteney Cox and Demi Moore are like the 40something Olsen Twins. Although the cougars arrived to a Hollywood event last night looking exactly the same, Demi is actually 18-months-older than Courteney ... for the most part.
Married just three years, Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher have officially become THAT couple. After traipsing through Chicago in identical outfits this weekend, the Moore-Kutchers further annoyed everyone and finished each other's sentences, raved about how well their youngest was doing in school and talked incessantly about their summer vacation.
Mary J. Blige was annoyed the pappers were shooting her -- as she shopped on Robertson Blvd. -- aka Pap Central.
Also in L.A.: A sigh of relief as Heidi and Spencer left the city at LAX, Kevin Connolly made sure we weren't part of the McConaughey beach brawl, Bridget Marquardt stuck up for Karolina Kurkova and Kim K, John Legend, Cee-Lo and will.i.am picked sides in the Kobe/Shaq war.
In NY: Demi Moore looked flawless, James McAvoy talked about smooching Angelina, Gwyneth gave face and Will Smith was charming as ever.
Jen Aniston, Orlando Bloom, Sheryl Crow, Courteney Cox, John Mayer, and Demi Moore are seriously ballin' -- and not just each other. They -- and many many other A-listers -- roll big at Girls Gone Wild creator Joe Francis' massive palacio, Casa Aramara in Punta Mita, Mexico. Best of all -- it's totally free. And if you were thinking about it for your next vaca - sorry. It's by personal invite only -- Joe doesn't rent this crib out.
Of course, the price these peeps pay is that everyone in the Western world knows you were there.
She gave birth only three months ago -- but dirrty girl Christina Aguilera already is back on the club scene, hitting up Villa with hubby Jordan Bratman.
Also in L.A.: Bobby Brown took flight with his girlfriend, Lindsay Lohan held tightly onto her water, Rihanna explained her new tat and Arnold sucked on a stogie.
In NY: Ashton and Demi partied after his SNL gig with Cameron Diaz, Lucy Liu, Diddy, "Idol" loser Michael Johns and a poop-dodging Blake Lively.
TMZ was fooled by an Ashton Kutcher dopplelganger in NYC last night. He tried to convince us that a nobody at JFK was actually the husband of Demi Moore. Hmmmm...
We were momentarily duped ... until he opened his mouth and started yapping.
Harvey Levin You're not the only one who thinks T.O. isn't doing that well this season... http://su.pr/5bNNfP
Joel Madden Ok. Officially home sick. Less than a week to go.
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