Now that Derek Jeter's announced he's ready to retire from baseball ... it's time to run down the Yankee captain's most important stats -- SLAYING BABES! Is he a Hall of Famer? Hell yeah, and you'll have no doubt after this. Plus, Kanye West popped up at a high school basketball game in L.A. -- and shocker ... the guy looked like someone killed his dog. Can ANYTHING put a smile on Kanye's face? And the most fun part of the Winter Olympics -- besides curling, of course -- GUESS the Olympic ass! Does it belong to a chick or a dude?