Artie Lange is more than 7 months sober and looking happy and healthy, and interestingly ... he says his messed up nose is partly to thank for keeping him clean.

The comedian and "Crashing" star tells TMZ ... he likes his pancaked nose because it's a helpful reminder of 30 years of drug abuse and all the terrible places it led him. Seriously terrible -- like accidentally snorting glass -- and much more Artie's not afraid to share.

Of course, this January mug shot following his arrest for a failed drug test while on probation painted the sad picture of how low he'd sunk.

Artie says he wants his story -- and his nose -- to be a cautionary tale for young people to not follow his path, and that fame and fortune don't make you immune to the perils of addiction.

Lange admits it got so bad for him he accepted he was going to die alone in a hotel room and become another victim of drug abuse like some of his comedian buddies before him. Fortunately, Artie says God had another plan for him.

He's in recovery now, and shared a photo of himself on Twitter this week at the 7.5-month sober mark. He tells us staying focused on comedy and writing is helping him stay clean ... along with sticking to the 12-step program and going to meetings.

As for his gnarly nose ... Artie tells us he caught wind of our interview with "Botched" Dr. Paul Nassif while he was in jail, when the Doc said he'd fix Lange's nose if he could kick his drug habit.

Here's one of the coolest pieces of ice you'll ever see ... a jeweler made a custom diamond pendant of Colin Kaepernick kneeling -- and he's set to sell it for charity!!!

Moses The Jeweler in NYC created the piece ... and it's insane. TMZ Sports has learned it cost $90,000 to make, and it was produced with 18k yellow gold.

We're told it also has VVS hearts and arrow cut diamonds -- and took A YEAR to create.

Of course, the jewelry is a replication of the famous moment when Kaepernick first began kneeling for the national anthem as a member of the 49ers back in 2016.

We're told all of the profits that are made from the piece will be donated directly to the Know Your Rights Camp -- Colin's organization that preaches equality for all.

Bidding starts in a couple weeks ... with the starting price being set at $90k.

Nate Dogg is getting a fancy new tombstone on his grave ... designed by the same guy who just gave Eazy-E's final resting place a face-lift.

Tim Cemetery, the man behind Eazy-E's updated gravestone, tells TMZ ... Nate Dogg's family hit him up this week looking to spruce up the rapper's plot with a new headstone. The original headstone is kinda basic, and the elements have taken their toll.

Nate's loved ones saw how TC worked wonders with Eazy-E, and they wanted something similar for Nate.

We broke the story ... Eazy-E got an extravagant tombstone on what would have been his 55th birthday.

Nate Dogg, who was 41 when he died back in 2011, is buried in his native Long Beach, CA at Forest Lawn cemetery ... and we're told his family is talking to Tim about their vision for the new tombstone.

The headstone will take about 60 days to be designed, manufactured and delivered ... and we're told the target date for the unveiling is December 1.

If Eazy-E is any indication, Nate's family will be pleased with Tim's vision ... nobody does it better.

Brett Favre's family and friends just ain't ready to see him officially quit the NFL ... the 49-year-old tells TMZ Sports his phone LIT UP after Andrew Luck's retirement last month!!!

"No teams called, but I had a lot of friends and family, you know, 'Hey, the Colts could use ya!'"

Don't worry, Favre immediately shut down the idea ... saying, "No, they couldn't use me. I squashed that very quickly."

Of course, Favre has had a lengthy history with retirements and comebacks -- the guy quit football several times only to return months later.

But, the Packers legend tells us there is ZERO chance -- despite his friends and family's urges -- he returns to an NFL field again.

"It's really comical at this point because, look, I'll be 50 in three or four weeks. And, I've been far enough removed from football that I can't even believe people would think that I would consider coming back."

Favre says if this were 8 or 9 years ago ... he'd give it some thought, but he tells us there's just no way his body would hold up if an NFL team gave him a spot on their roster.

"I slip off the couch and the next day I can't even walk anymore," Brett says. "So, I just kind of get a laugh out of it."

Dan Marino's good looks are not a game!!!

Here is a 23-year-old version of the former quarterback for the Miami Dolphins showing off his luscious locks on the field, just before an NFL football game back in 1985 (left). This was the same year the Miami Dolphins played in Super Bowl XIX. Marino was named NFL's most valuable player just one year prior.

And, 34 years later ... The now 58-year-old star in "Ace Ventura: Pet Detective" -- Who is celebrating his birthday today -- was last spotted attending the 10th annual Joe Carter Classic Golf Tournament at the Rogers Centre in Toronto earlier this year (right).

Score!!!

The question is ...

Felicity Huffman got the best deal she could this week at the great expense of prosecutors, and Kevin Hart's car crash raises a big issue -- should safety harnesses be required on classic cars? So, we gotta ask ...

With a jacked physique like these it looks like the NFL's biggest athletes are shredding up the field in more ways than one!!!

Kick off Sunday football with these huge jocks and get up close and personal with some of the most well-built players in the league to see who you should trade on your fantasy team.

David Ortiz broke his silence with the media since being shot in the Dominican Republic, and he gave an emotional interview ... acknowledging he almost died there.

The former Boston Red Sox slugger spoke with Univision in a sit-down that aired in Spanish on Saturday, answering a number of questions related to the scary incident in his home country this past June -- when he was ambushed and shot in the back at a club.

Big Papi described the initial feeling of the bullet going in, saying he felt a stinging sensation ... adding that in the first five seconds, he felt like he was in a living nightmare. He said the shooting made him disheartened, as he has no problems with anybody.

Ortiz went on to explain that he never lost consciousness en route to the hospital, but said he experienced something he'd never quite felt before ... trying to survive for his life.

He says he's never had his life threatened before, and that him sitting with his back to the street and no security around should be an implication ... he's not someone who'd ever think he was in danger. Then came the question about who did it ... and why.

Ortiz says he has no idea why anyone might've wanted to kill him, again reiterating that he has no enemies ... and no issues with anybody (especially criminals) that would make him worry.

Big Papi also touches on a rumor that Dominican drug lord Cesar Emilio Peralta might've been the one who ordered the hit, but he again came back with uncertainty ... saying he couldn't think of any reason why that would be the case -- if, in fact, it is.

As we reported ... authorities in the Dominican Republic have made several arrests in connection to the shooting, including the alleged shooter himself. Cops say that Ortiz was not the actual target, and that the hit was a case of mistaken identity.

Ortiz is unclear on that himself, but one thing that clearly hurt him as he was in the hospital ... people apparently suggesting that he deserved what he'd gotten. He tears up as he recounts the recovery process, saying that at one point he was in a coma ... and almost died.

Luckily, Big Papi is getting better each day. He threw out the first pitch at a recent Sox game -- and seems to be doing well following multiple life-saving surgeries.

2 Chainz rang in his 42nd birthday on an ominous night -- which was immediately canceled out with better vibes after what Diddy gave him as a gift ... sparkly new booze!!!

The Atlanta-based MC was hosting a birthday bash Saturday night at The Gallery at Ravine in his hometown, which was decked out in the "Friday the 13th" theme ... honoring both the movie and the fact that it actually was FT13 in real life. To make things even creepier, a full moon was out too.

DJ Khaled came  out, as did Jermaine Dupri, Jeezy, Remy Ma, T.I. and Tiny ... and, of course, the Bad Boy honcho himself. Most everyone seemed to stop and pose with 2C.

When Diddy got up to the cameras, he busted out a gold bottle of his best s*** -- White Grape Ciroc, which is apparently the first of its kind to the hit the market. 2 Chainz was honored as the first recipient ... and he seemed fairly stunned by the gesture.

Lil Wayne says he can't perform with Blink-182 in St. Louis because he was kicked out of his hotel and cops came swarming -- but we've learned there's two sides to this story.

Wayne tweeted out the crappy news Saturday morning, saying he wouldn't be able to do the show later tonight at the Hollywood Casino Amphitheatre -- where he was set to take the stage with B-182 and Neck Deep -- due to some BS at his the Ritz Carlton.

He said, "Sorry not doing the show tonight in St Lou kuz I was just kik'd out the ritz and 12 got invovle so I gotta slide. Tht y'al f w me out here. Dam slime. It's all luv tho."

While Wayne claims to have been booted from the facility, the Clayton Police Department's interim Police Chief, Mark Smith, tells TMZ that Weezy and his crew were NOT asked to leave ... and that they left voluntarily after a verbal dispute with the hotel staff.

Smith says police were called to the Ritz around 10:00 AM CT due to a "disturbance" in the lobby involving several men, some of whom we're told included Wayne's entourage. We're told a responding officer saw a man in LW's security yelling at a clerk behind the desk.

We're told officers spoke to several witnesses -- including staff members -- who told police they'd received several complaints of marijuana smells coming from Weezy's room. Cops say the staff claimed to have called up to Wayne's room, asking him to open his balcony doors to mitigate the smell ... and, allegedly, he got pissed and came down to confront 'em.

Smith tells us the hotel staff did not file a complaint with police, and they found no evidence of a crime that'd been committed. No one was arrested as a result.

Now, sources close to Weezy tell TMZ that the reason he and his team came down to confront the staff had NOTHING to do with weed ... and everything to do with bad protocol.

We're told the front desk kept forwarding calls from an obsessed fan, who apparently knew Wayne was staying there and in which exact room too. Instead of taking them off the scent, our Weezy sources say the staff continued to send the call to his room ... making him irate.

We've reached out to the Ritz Carlton for comment on the fan-forwarding allegation ... so far, no word back.

Whatever the real reason ... it's clear that Wayne's not comfortable in St. Louis. This would mark at least the 3rd show he's completely bailed on for his Blink-182 appearances this summer.

John Legend had an interesting take on Felicity Huffman's 14-day sentence in her college bribery scandal case ... people are angry at the wrong thing.

John just said, "I get why everyone gets mad when rich person X gets a short sentence and poor person of color Y gets a long one. The answer isn't for X to get more; it's for both of them to get less (or even none!!!). We should level down not up."

Okay ... time for a few opinions. First, John's right, especially when you're talking about equivalent crimes. But, in some cases, long sentences are appropriate. They need to be handed down fairly, with equality for all.

Now the bigger issue ... a lot of people think prosecutors won the Felicity case. That's just ridiculous. Prosecutors suffered a blistering loss. When they announced they were filing 50 cases, they talked about how other prospective students were being denied admission because of bribery by rich parents. There was talk of years in prison ... even decades for wrongdoers.

The prosecution got shut down by both the probation dept. and the judge. As the probation dept. said in its sentencing recommendation, there was no "intended loss." Translation ... the law doesn't consider the possibility some other student was denied admission because Felicity had her daughter's SAT test rigged. You may not like that, but that's what the judge said.

The key is "loss," and the judge said there was none, and it undercuts the core of the prosecution's case. Prosecutors drastically lowered their sentencing recommendation to 1 month, and they didn't even get that.

Fact is ... 14 days behind bars is what someone gets for stealing a bottle of wine from a liquor store. Prosecutors in the college admissions scandal spent millions and now say the point is not the amount of time, but the fact the wrongdoers got some time. You will never hear those words uttered privately among prosecutors, because the amount of time DOES matter.

An anti-vaccine protester threw what appeared to be menstrual blood at California lawmakers days after the Governor signed 2 new bills into law that'll kick in next year.

A woman named Rebecca Lee Dalelio was arrested Friday afternoon inside the chambers of the California State Capitol building after cops say she threw something from what they described as a "feminine hygiene device containing what appeared to be blood."

She chucked the red, blood-like liquid down below from the upstairs balcony area ... where she and other anti-vaxxers were watching in silent protest as state senators wrapped up the last day of the legislative year with a vote on some last-minute measures.

The liquid -- which eyewitnesses say came from a menstrual cup -- splashed a few state senators, including Sen. Melissa Hurtado, as well as some documents and desks.

A video captured a woman screaming, "That's for the dead babies." The Senate session went into recess and concluded in private chambers shortly afterward. The video also shows a woman -- who's presumed to be Dalelio -- being escorted out into the hall by officers, where she continues her rant on dead babies, saying ... "Their blood is on your hands."

The incident starts around the 43:10 mark of the video, when the alleged blood-throwing took place.

The protest follows two California bills that were signed into law Monday by Governor Gavin Newsom, which will go into effect on Jan. 1, 2020 ... and are meant to tighten regulations around doctors who write notes to exempt certain kids from vaccines at school.

If the doctors issue more than 5 exemptions in a year, public health officials can review the passes. Schools that fall below a certain level of vaccination rate are also subject to scrutiny.

Felicity Huffman won't be doing hard time when she spends 2 weeks behind bars, but it ain't Hollywood glamour either ... she can do some sunbathing, but only after she makes her bed.

The actress is turning herself in to FCI Dublin Oct. 25, where she will serve her 14 days for her role in the college bribery scandal ... and we've got an inside look at what Felicity's life will be like.

Upon entry, Felicity will be stripped searched and then she'll get a jumpsuit, with 3 pairs of underwear. She'll get a hygiene kit with a comb, deodorant, toothbrush and some crappy toothpaste, plus a roll of toilet paper. She better conserve her squares -- Felicity gets one roll of TP every other week, which in her case means the roll needs to last her entire stay.

Felicity will be required to make her bed by 6:30 AM every weekday morning. On the weekends, she'll have to straighten up her prison cot by 10 AM. No maids, of course.

Most of her time will be spent inside, but Felicity can still catch some rays. Sunbathing is allowed at FCI Dublin, but only on the sun decks from 4 PM Friday until 8:30 PM Sunday. BTW ... inmates get at least 1 hour of recreation time each day.

As we reported ... Felicity was sentenced Friday, in what is clearly a spectacular loss for prosecutors.

Prison food generally sucks -- just ask Bill Cosby -- and Felicity will sit down for lunch from 11:30 AM to 12:30 PM every day, but she can't leave the mess hall with anything more than a piece of fruit.

Felicity will mix with the rest of the prison pop ... the inmates have a common area complete with TVs, cards and board games. Fair to guess ... she'll be Mrs. Popular.

Hear that??? It's Lori Loughlin breathing a huge sigh of relief.

Saquon Barkley is jumping in to save the day for a dissed Giants fan ... he just invited the little kid who was roasted by DeMarcus Lawrence to a game in November!!!

11-year-old Kamil Bautista -- a NY fan living in McAllen, Texas -- drove 9 hours with his family to watch the Cowboys play the Giants in Dallas last weekend.

But, after the game when he was searching for autographs from players outside the stadium ... Lawrence blew him off, telling him his Barkley jersey was the wrong team!!!

TMZ Sports spoke with Kamil's father, Jorge Bautista, who told us the whole situation sucked ... and said Jerry Jones should sit down with Lawrence to explain to him that wasn't right.

Well, Barkley saw the whole situation ... and guess what??? HE WANTS TO HANG OUT WITH THE KID NOW!!!

Sources close to the situation tell us Barkley reached out to the Bautistas this week and invited them to their Nov. 10 game against the Jets in New York.

We're told Barkley is flying them out and will give them a meet-and-greet experience as well as VIP treatment at MetLife Stadium.

Oh, and we're told the kid will almost certainly get some autographs from the team too!!!