Born – January 13, 1977
Canterbury, England

Actor, fictional elf, guy who gets to bone Miranda Kerr.

Shot to fame after playing an elf in the “Lord of the Rings” movies, in which he bravely traveled to Mordor to defeat some evil trolls, or something like that. Go ask a nerd if you really wanna know what the movie’s about.

Continued his success in the “Pirates of the Caribbean” movies, where he played the role of “guy who’s not Johnny Depp.”

Has also made a bunch of other films, but no one cares about them because they don’t have any magical rings or pirates in them.

Married supermodel Miranda Kerr in 2010, presumably banged her at every possible opportunity, perhaps stopping briefly when she gave birth in 2011, but then starting up again immediately afterwards.

Had nearly a half-million dollars worth of stuff stolen from his home by the "Bling Ring." Let's just hope they didn't steal that ring from "Lord of the Rings," because IT'S AN EVIL RING THAT WILL TURN YOU INVISIBLE!!!! Or something like that. Again -- we're not nerds.

May be immortal, because he's somehow still alive after a ridiculous amount of horrible injuries, including breaking his left arm, cracking his skull three times, breaking his nose, breaking his right leg, breaking his left leg, breaking his wrist and breaking his back.

Fun Fact: He gets to pork Miranda Kerr whenever he wants. Did we mention that?

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Orlando Bloom Parties Like a Wild Man -- I'M HAPPY!!!!

Orlando Bloom & Erica Packer -- Anything Our Exes Can Do ...

Orlando Bloom, Miranda Kerr ... Bizarre Billionaire Love Square

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