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Katie Holmes Makes Contact with Seacrest

1/19/2008 11:15 AM PST BY TMZ STAFF

Sonar technicians at KIIS-FM in L.A. discovered an unusual audio communique on Friday from the humanoid bride of ScientoloTom, Katie Holmes. Listen as earthling Ryan Seacrest attempts to decipher the extra-terrestrial stress signal.
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Party 'till you die!    

Com. Remiac, found one last azmuth opening! Ensign Tuck has wiped out the Hemorrhoid invasion using molibdiumm lasers. Suggest sleeper cell Travolta unit activation. Badly injured at Rings when a flare up occurred! Lost two secondary arms. Still functioning and will fight until domination of L. Ron's message has been disseminated! Use all available media outlets. Human primate species in utter confusion and may remain so until planetary alignment occurs in 2012 Earth time. Will hold out. I must remove myself and blend into the population now and continue my Earth minion duties. I shall look for you in future transmissions. Hail Xenu!

2414 days ago


what is it with americans and extreme behaviour? must be in the water you drink. there is no difference between scientology and the naition of islam another space ship worshipping cult out there in noddy land. this is where americans get their reputation for being very simple minded followers of anything that promises them nivarna.. europeans are far too cynical and the rest of the world just needs to eat three square meals a day and get a roof over their heads...

2414 days ago


the beckhams? , they are british not americans and therefore the rediculouness of the whole concept of scientology will just make posh laugh out loud...have you noticed that katie doesnt spend too much time with posh as she used to?. apart from the tour and all, tom's relentless conversion puts a lot of distance between him and a lot of other loopy celebrities. madonna has her own cult worship so will never be on board. i have my doubts about will smith though..any one that close to cruise must be under his, it goes without saying that this whacko will convert all that he surveys.dont be surprised if he developes the technology to convert cinema goers into the cults teachings by projecting thought waves thru the big screen!!lol!!yep, the fact that the video is now the butt of jokes around the world ,especially here in europe where tom is seen as being a bit of a nutjob , says the backlash has begin against him and his cult 's attempts to use him to front for them.

2414 days ago


Lost InTexas, you got it right in the first sentence -- wih the word F-A-I-R-Y-T-A-L-E!!!! Real relationships don't need to be turned into PR events!!!

2414 days ago


to all the suri haters... this is a baby who has done nothing to deserve your ill will. she didnt ask to be born and god has dealt her the hand that she has.. who knows what life will bring in the end. ? for now, its under cruise control . so buckle up.. this spaceship is gonna hit a couple of meteor showers on the way to planet zod.!!!

2414 days ago

What Goes Aound Comes Around    

Lt. Smelcrak,

I hope Unit Tom and Unit Katie can make it on their own.

You have fought the good fight. Take some time off to lick your wounds and assimilate yourself back into the human society.

As for me, if I could lick my wounds, I would never leave the house.

That is all.

2414 days ago


If the truth be known, Tom probably didn't know that Katie existed. After Chris Klein and Josh Hartnett dumped her ass, she realized that young guys her age just aren't into her. She knew that Tom Cruise was a scientologist so she probably showed up at the celebrity center in LA, inquiring about the cult and hoping to meet Tom. In the meantime, she discovered she was pregnant and confessed to a handler at the center. While she was going through the "clearing" she divulged that she is an actress, also pregnant. Word got back to Tom that some pregnant actress had joined the cult. He found out that she was single and boyish looking, so this peaked his interest in her. Realizing that she was in a desperate situation, they worked out a deal where he would claim to be the baby's father and give her an annual allowance and a lump sum payment at the end of 5 years. She knew that this would be more money than she could ever hope to make on her own, so she agreed. The rest is history. Only two more years left.....I don't think they'll make it!!! Too much bad press.....

2414 days ago


Who in the hell is her stylist lately??!! I'll bet it's someone from that crazzay cult her husband dragged her into! Katie's been looking so bizzar lately, it's completely not her persona. I wonder what would happen if she decided to change her hair style one day? Tom would probably blow his top and have a raging fit! Run!!!

2414 days ago

What Goes Aound Comes Around    

Her hairstyle and garb is the traditional dress on our home planet of Zorbon. You shall all be wearing it soon, after Scientology takes over the world.

All shall salute L.R.H. as Unit Tom did in that video that leaked out this week.

That is all.

2414 days ago


"Lost in Texas"....perfect name for yourself. You really are lost. You should set your expectations higher of those you idolize and think you know.

2414 days ago


Is it just me or can nobody else open this bite? Scientology cotrolling the media again?

2414 days ago


To Poster #56-true grit

That long-winded diatribe of yours made absolutely NO SENSE!! (But it was funny--and a little stupid, but funny) Anyway, just know the "roumored" facts---

-TC manipulated KH into this cult
-He Forced her to change her image and personality to suite his selfish needs
-When KH met with Nicole for a 1st wife-2nd wife meeting TC blew his top
-When TC & KH got married, their wedding was a Scientology-based ceremony of some kind
-During her pregnancy, KH wanted to but could not take traditional lamaze/parenting classes; she could only take wacky Scientology approved classes
-Every where KH went during her pregnancy she had some kind of Scientology handler telling what to say and how to behave

Yeesh! And the list goes on and on. I'm just hoping the day will come when Katie will stand up to that maniac, manipulative, controlling, husband of hers!

2414 days ago

What Goes Aound Comes Around    

Be very careful what you say. The all-seeing Tom will become upset. He will put his mojo trance on you. You will become a willing slave to the great L.R.H.

2414 days ago

So saddddddd    

I cannot believe Katie is so brainwashed. OMG noone even knew of the poor girl til she married Tom Cruise seriously!!
She looks so incredibly ridiculous someday she will look back and see it. Tom never stays with anyone.
He found some young unknown and brainwashed her the way she talks is even so unatural and the ppl taht take up for her Jada Pinkett etc are just ones that are as brainwashed out as she is GAG

2414 days ago


Brainwashed by a cult and a freak. Boycott all of them.

2414 days ago
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