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R. Kelly -- Mole Will Keep Me Outta the Hole

Could a skin doc end up saving R. Kelly's hide? Looks like it, since his lawyers are basing pretty much his entire defense on one mole – the dark, irregularly-bordered kind.

The pisstastic singer's trial finally began yesterday, and openings were just as lurid as the tape at its center. The defense claims that the guy in the video doesn't have a mole, but Kelly does. Maybe the most shocking moment came when the defense claimed that the woman in the tape was a prostitute: "[The alleged victim is sweet and nice," said Kelly's lawyer. "The woman in this tape is a prostitute."

Among other interesting sexual curiosities, the girl calls the man in the vid "daddy" and he apparently pays her at the end.

Jess Didn't Tell Her Bro About Nups


Jessica Alba got hitched yesterday to Cash Warren, but she apparently forgot to tell her own bro.

"My sister!? I'm going to have to call her!" said Josh Alba when Us called him to ask about the good news. Awkward. Jess and Cash, reports People, went to the Beverly Hills courthouse and did the deed in the building's ceremony room. They got their license and then waited for 40 minutes to make it legal.

Josh wasn't exactly thrilled to hear the news. When asked about Warren's prospects as a husband, he replied, tepidly, "Well, he's my brother-in-law now!"

Brit's Dad Gets $10K Back Pay for Being ... Dad


Britney Spears' dad Jamie has quit being a cook and is getting $10K per month for looking after the Britwreck, according to new court papers.

And because he had to give up his former job as a private chef, he's entitled to $10,000 in back pay to cover the first month of his co-conservatorship of her estate. "He has been unable to continue to his prior employment and he has lost his source of income which he needs to pay his living expenses," say the docs.

Party Favors: Clint Sorry for Dirty Hillary ... Rev. Al Calls Nas' Non-"N*****" Record "Partial Victory" ... Is Heath Coming Back to Brooklyn?


Clint Eastwood tells Politico that he actually has sympathy for Hillary Clinton, because everyone is haranguing her to get out of the race. "I watch Clinton and feel kind of sorry for her ... She's showing her strength by hanging in there." ... Reverend Al Sharpton tells Rush & Molloy that Nas' decision to not title his new album "N*****" is "a partial victory" and that he is partially responsible: "That would not have happened if we hadn't protested." ... A famous medium, James Van Praagh tells CYInterview.com that Heath Ledger's ghost has been to late ex Michelle Williams' apartment in Brooklyn, and that she was awakened by furniture moving. Just askin': Why are ghosts always moving furniture around?

Reader Comments

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1. R Kelly made that tape 6 years ago or more - I have moles now I didn't have 6 years ago...if this really the best defense?

Posted at 8:30AM on May 21st 2008 by aSiF

2. I agree with aSiF.

Posted at 8:35AM on May 21st 2008 by CHUY_FROM_CHELSEA_LATELY

3. i do 2

Posted at 8:36AM on May 21st 2008 by NJCHICKJONASBROS4EVAGURL

4. First, bitches!

Posted at 8:38AM on May 21st 2008 by Tammie Boardoe

5. Tammie- YOU'RE THE BITCH! YOU'RE NOT FIRST, HUN!

Posted at 8:39AM on May 21st 2008 by Corey DelVato

6. Hi, everyone! Check out my newest hit single, "7 Things!" Now, I know everyone has been calling me a "SLUT" and "HOOCHIE MOMMA," but we can all put that behind in the past, right? Am I right? I didn't steal Lustra's song either!

Posted at 8:41AM on May 21st 2008 by ~~Miley Cyrus~~

7. R. Kelly is the biggest child molester since Michael Jackson. Next thing ya know, Miley will be hittin' up boys on the side, and you don't know if she already is! :-)

LMAO!

Posted at 8:43AM on May 21st 2008 by Kellie

8. I don't think its R.Kelly .....they must leave this guy alone

Posted at 8:53AM on May 21st 2008 by southafrica

9. JESSICA ALBA IS SO HOT.

Posted at 8:59AM on May 21st 2008 by oh oh

10. Hey Southafrica - your'e wrong!

Posted at 9:03AM on May 21st 2008 by aSiF

11. I'm right Sif....I never understand you Americans it seems as if you guys hate your celebs you never say nice things about them hmm I wonder why?????????

Posted at 9:08AM on May 21st 2008 by southafrica

12. Put R Kelly away he is very disturbed-everyone has moles they didn't have years ago-this guy is such a loser!

Posted at 9:21AM on May 21st 2008 by KELC

13.
Brit's Dad Gets $10K :

I cant even fathom taking money from my child (adult or not) or jerking my kid out of school to sing like a bird or selling her sole to Disney?
Dad Spears was it worth it? Did you ever get the family "FORD-Probe" back after they repossessed it when Brit-Brat was just that?


What is it wort ? Brit with out her ever helpfu$$ Fathers help, or... Brit a human marionette? SAD!!!

With $Family$ like that it is so good to have a good friend. Correct?

Posted at 9:17AM on May 21st 2008 by SPEARS FAMILY OF THE YEAR "08"

14. Hi I'm the mole well...due to legal constraints I am the "FORMER MOLE" that used to be located on or around R Kelly's Tool.

I didn't think I'd ever see the light of day again but now that the doctors cut me off I am a single mole again. I am looking for a new tool to attach myself to. Any takers? crickets chirping, birds chirping, phone ringing, what? Hulk ho? click.. jiminy cricket singing.......no one wants me the wrinkle necked eel's mole?

fine!


fine!!

FINE! I'll just take myself over to Sarah jessica Parker's face she won't notice me... what with all the others like me on that foot face. YEAH! Holly-Moley!

Posted at 9:29AM on May 21st 2008 by The Mole

15. I hope Clint isn't the kind of guy who'd vote for someone because they feel sorry for them. Out Government is pathetic enough as it is.

Posted at 9:34AM on May 21st 2008 by Kay

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