'Quween' on the Scene Fights Clocks, the Alphabet

5/28/2009 3:00 PM PDT BY TMZ STAFF
She's spent years violently protecting non-threatened celebs on the mean streets of Beverly Hills -- but now the infamous Quween on the Scene is making her unnecessary services available to the highest bidder. Well, sorta...

Props to FunnyOrDie.com for the hilarious faux-mercial.

"Aw hells no, words and letters!!!"