Welcome back to another edition of the "Lost" Diary. Tonight is the final episode of 2006 and everyone has their "this better be good" face on tonight. Thirteen weeks is a long time between episodes!
Wednesday night also happened to be the same night as TMZ's one-year anniversary party, so I am writing this slightly hungover on Thursday morning, and I didn't watch it with my usual posse. And that kinda sucks. If the "Lost" Diary is about anything, it's about watching this show with your peeps. "Lost" isn't my favorite show, but it's my favorite show to watch. I hope some of you out there have started your own "Lost" night with your friends. Good times.
Enough with the sentimental BS, on with the show!!!
10:00 -- Kate flashback time, and I can't say I'm excited that it's her turn tonight. So she was going to marry a cop, huh? Odds he survives the episode? -- I'm at 50/50 right from the get-go.
10:02 -- Henry Gale flashed Jack the weirdest little half-smile I have seen from him -- a sign of worry, almost.
10:03 -- "I didn't say I was going to do it; I just wanted you to understand how you're going to die." -- Jack. His brain is fried. Would you want him operating on your spine at this point?
10:04 -- "At least you won't have to be disappointed for very long." -- Jack. One word: Ha!
10:08 -- Two things about the Kate/Monica flashback; first, the cop looks like Jason Bateman. Second, when Kate said she had to hold her breath to get into her dress, I'm guessing that every woman watching the show threw something at the screen and muttered something like, "Yeah right! What is she, a size two?"
10:10 -- A moment of silence for Eko. "What happened to him?" chimes in the new girl. For the love of the hatch, please make her shut up!!!
10:11 -- "I believe Eko died for a reason." -- Locke. Me too, my man. Me too.
10:12 -- Did Alex just attempt to break out Kate and Sawyer with a slingshot? Who is she, Dennis the Menace? And when Alex yelled out, "They're gonna kill your boyfriend," to whom was she referring?
10:16 -- Juliet vs Kate, the tale of the tape. I'll give Kate the hotness victory, but Juliet is far more conniving -- which I kinda dig -- and that's saying something. If it came down to a one-on-one fight, I think Juliet would find a way to pull it out. Not that I am suggesting some kind of wrestling match. Do they even have hot oil on the island? I'm just distracted now. So, they're gonna kill Sawyer...
10:18 -- Someone interesting better be at this wedding, otherwise, I do not get these flashbacks at all. Did she just marry Henry Gale's kid or something? It better be good.
10:20 -- "I'll give you some privacy." -- Juliet. No you won't. Stop lying.
10:21 -- Jack and Kate reunited. If Henry Gale's goal was to make Jack want to save his life, he's done the EXACT OPPOSITE. Jack would kill Henry if he had the chance. The way things are moving here, I have a minor prediction (which will, of course, be wrong): the episode ends with Jack saying something like "Scalpel" as he begins the operation.
10:28 -- Kate's calling the Marshall who is chasing her. It's all very "Out of Sight." And boring.
10:30 -- Not that I think they're going to kill Sawyer, but if they did, would every woman stop watching? Just asking.
10:31 -- "Lift up your eyes and look north." -- Eko's stick. Mildly cryptic.
10:32 -- "Because I wanted you to believe we had a damn chance." -- Sawyer. The Others succeeded in breaking these two, that's for sure.
10:34 -- Time for a little cage lovin'. Sweaty, dirty cage lovin'. Sorry, I'll be quiet.
10:40 -- Two tickets to Costa Rica, huh? Something tells me Kate/Monica isn't too keen on leaving the country. Seriously, the payoff on these flashbacks better be good.
10:42 -- Sawyer is a cuddler -- would not have guessed that. "I love you, too." -- Sawyer. The collective "awwwwwwww" from every woman in America must have been deafening.
10:44 -- Who let Jack out of his cage?
10:45 -- "Tomorrow." -- Jack. Dr. Shephard is gonna operate, y'all.
10:50 -- Kate's never actually seen Henry Gale, has she? (Ed.'s note: Of course she has, the damn breakfast on the beach! I am an idiot).
10:51 -- Kate/Monica confession time. Giving back the locket was a nice touch.
10:53 -- I haven't been this excited for a spinal surgery in an underground bunker on a hidden island in the middle of nowhere in my entire life. Ever.
10:54 -- "Whatever happens, everything will very different, won't it?" -- Henry Gale. If he dies, so help me ABC, you will feel my wrath. Wait, they took Alex "home last night" -- what does that mean? Why is he asking about her? Did Henry Gale and Rousseau get it on? Oh, and I was almost right about the scalpel thing. Damn. Half credit at least, right?
10:55 -- "Shephard wasn't even on Jacob's list." -- Pickett. Am I blanking here? Who is Jacob?
10:56 -- Jack is making his play. He wants to have his cake and eat it too.
10:57 -- Is Kate playing Sawyer and Jack on behalf of the Others? It's all just a little too convenient. I don't know, maybe I am talking out of my backside here. I have had people tell me they think Kate is an Other and I don't buy it for a second, but now, I don't know.
10:59 -- "Kate damn it, run!" -- Jack.
Time to figure out what we learned here...
Kate doesn't like running... Um, I'm blanking here... Wow, this isn't good... Think McFly... Damn!!!!
These six episodes of "Lost" have been like a lapdance (or so I've heard). I have paid (with time, not dollars) for the privilege of being teased. Instead of lasting one song (unless I have a coupon, or it's a Tuesday afternoon -- wait Mom, don't read that) this teasing has lasted for six weeks. And much like a lapdance, there has been no real payoff.
Look, "Lost" can do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING that would make me stop watching. If the entire show were acted out with puppets, I'd watch. Actually, that would be awesome.
Anyway, I've invested over two years of my life into this show, and like it or not, I am seeing this thing through to the end. I give tonight's episode a D -- horrible flashback, no payoff on anything... nothing happened. Luckily, I got drunk last night, so there's always that.
Question of the week: "Lost" returns in February... will you be back? You know my answer. See you in 13 weeks!