"O," Say Can You See...That You Have Dissed Me?

11/19/2006 2:10 PM PST
Discussions about whether Oprah felt dissed by Tom Cruise's pointed failure to invite the daytime doyenne of domesticity to Italy be damned: We have proof of passive aggressive retaliation!

Well, OK. Maybe not. But at the least, an amusing case of coincidence.

Today, you see, "O" -- the Oprah magazine -- landed with a resounding thud on our neighbor's doorstep. So startled were we, that we hastened to examine the impact crater of this sizable periodical. When we saw the cover, a smile crossed our weary, media-creased face.

Smack in the middle of the December "O," a coverline blares, "We've got answers to life's stickiest situations! What to do if someone..."
  • Flirts with your husband
  • Never pays you back
  • Wants you to lie for them
  • Takes credit for your idea
  • Gives you a hideous gift
  • Has the kid from hell
And then, finally, there it was, in all its bitchy glory:
  • Hears you didn't invite them...
According to Oprah's forest-felling mag, the correct response (on page 298, natch!) when someone learns they weren't invited to a party is to say, " 'I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I invited a different group of friends.' The end. Long explanations are the worst."