"O," Say Can You See...That You Have Dissed Me?

11/19/2006 2:10 PM PST

"O," Say Can You See...That You Have Dissed Me?

Discussions about whether Oprah felt dissed by Tom Cruise's pointed failure to invite the daytime doyenne of domesticity to Italy be damned: We have proof of passive aggressive retaliation!

Well, OK. Maybe not. But at the least, an amusing case of coincidence.

Today, you see, "O" -- the Oprah magazine -- landed with a resounding thud on our neighbor's doorstep. So startled were we, that we hastened to examine the impact crater of this sizable periodical. When we saw the cover, a smile crossed our weary, media-creased face.

Smack in the middle of the December "O," a coverline blares, "We've got answers to life's stickiest situations! What to do if someone..."
  • Flirts with your husband
  • Never pays you back
  • Wants you to lie for them
  • Takes credit for your idea
  • Gives you a hideous gift
  • Has the kid from hell
And then, finally, there it was, in all its bitchy glory:
  • Hears you didn't invite them...
According to Oprah's forest-felling mag, the correct response (on page 298, natch!) when someone learns they weren't invited to a party is to say, " 'I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I invited a different group of friends.' The end. Long explanations are the worst."