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Von A-Hole's Fornication Examination

4/10/2008 7:12 PM PDT BY TMZ STAFF

If you missed our LIVE feed, check out the insane highlights from today's testimony, including how the Ivy-eating, Rolls Royce-driving A-Hole is totally broke, and the courtroom fireworks that erupt when he's asked who was caring for sick wife Zsa Zsa while he was out "fornicating with Anna Nicole Smith?" Good stuff!


Here's a log of today's proceedings...

UPDATE 2:12 PM PT:
AND THAT'S A WRAP, FOLKS! And now we wait. In a totally anti-climactic move, we're told the judge is going to mail a verdict out to the parties. LAME!

UPDATE 2:03 PM PT:
Pants on feuer, pants on feuer -- Edward Lee is trying to paint Smeten as a big fat ly-ah!

UPDATE 1:56 PM PT: Ahole's lawyer is pooh-poohing Smeten's claim about suffering from high blood pressure, comparing it to the same reaction you'd get from playing b-ball.

UPDATE 1:50 PM PT: Edward Lee tells the judge that Dirk Smeten "staged" the incident.

UPDATE 1:42 PM PT:
Ok -- now we get Ahole's guy's summation -- we're hoping for gloves, table-pounding, some rhyming at least!!!

UPDATE 1:39 PM PT: Smeten wants $117K in compensatory damages, a multiple of seven times his medical bills -- interesting math -- and $20K in punitives -- and that's all for his lawyer.

UPDATE 1:37 PT:
Pap's lawyer calls VAH's attack "sudden, unprovoked, and vicious" and claims that he threatened to kill Smeten -- Ahole looks deeply unimpressed so far.

UPDATE 1:35 PM PT:
Here comes the pap lawyer's big closing ...

UPDATE 1:30 PM PT:
Empty that colostomy bag, get your Oreos ready -- the Wackdaddy Currently Known as Prince is in his seat, and we're just waiting for the judge to start.

UPDATE 11:12 AM PT:
Time for a lil' wienerschnitzel, folks -- lunch break until 1:30 PST.

UPDATE 11:02 AM PT:
DAY-UM!!!!!! The pap's lawyer just asked, "Who was taking care of Zsa Zsa while you were fornicating with Anna Nicole Smith?" and just got a smackdown from the judge for the q! OMG OMG!

UPDATE 10:54 AM PT:
ZSA-ZSA IS VAH'S BANK! He says he has no assets or income except the $200 in his wallet, which he actually pulls out -- mein gott, oh so sad, and admits that it's "shopping money for the household."

UPDATE 10:44 AM PT:
Ahole says what set him off was that the photog called Zsa Zsa scheintot -- which is a expression for "almost dead," says TMZ's German.

UPDATE 10:40 AM PT:
How do you say "totally deluded" in German, again? Ahole claims that his picture gets sent to the "most powerful papers in Europe."

Click to view!UPDATE 10:33 AM PT:
Von D-bag just apologized for getting Z-Z's age wrong yesterday -- she was 89 at the time of the alleged incident, not 98, and she's 91 now.

UPDATE 10:32 AM PT:
VAH IS BACK for more direct questioning from his lawyer! Look out!

UPDATE 10:13 AM PT: The plaintiff's lawyer just finished with the doc, and VAH's lawyer then asked about how strong Ahole was. We're thinkin' -- tight muscles. Breaktime -- back in 15.

UPDATE 10:11 AM PT:
Yahtzee! The direct on the doc is done -- but VAH is perilously close to naptime. Achtung!

UPDATE 9:55 AM PT:
VAH is sporting a jaunty orange yellow-and-red pocket square today, as in, "Orange you tired of all this medical-bill blahdy-blah already?" Let Ahole rip!

UPDATE 9:46 AM PT:
Dr. McNamee says the pap's neck injuries are bo-gus and couldn't have been caused by VAH, based on the video and the medical records.

Click to view!UPDATE 9:41 AM PT: Whoaaaa doc -- the judge wants him to slow his fast-talkin' down ... he's racing like that guy from the '80s FedEx ad. Nice old-school reference, Your Honor.

UPDATE 9:38 AM PT: The doctor is questioning how the photog could've gotten a lip laceration because it didn't look like he was being hit on the video he looked at.

UPDATE 9:36 AM PT:
Doc says a 3-year-old pushing on a person and a 280-pound person pushing on a person would have different impacts. Trenchant medical analysis.

UPDATE 9:35 AM PT:
The doctor is getting paid 500 bucks per hour for his medical expert witness work -- and he says he's worked about two hours.

UPDATE 9:30 AM PT: The defense's expert witness is Dr. Kevin McNamee, a doctor of chiropractic and a licensed acupuncturist.

UPDATE 9:25 AM PT: Guten morgen! The judge is in place, Ahole is on his throne, and we're ready to roll.
69 COMMENTS

No Avatar
16.

Liz    

He looks like a big Easter Egg in that coat and tie.

2331 days ago
17.

Twinker    

Bring in Judge Seidlen and it would be more interesting....yaaaawwwnn.

2331 days ago
18.

Liz    

He is sooooo full of it, he is truly delusional.

2331 days ago
19.

sparkys nemesis    

Stop picking on him already.

2331 days ago
20.

Tired of Lies    

.
I hope the pap loses. Intrusive a-hole!
There is NO reason to be harassing people the way that they do.

Disgusting behaviour on the part of the pap.
.

2331 days ago
21.

Area 51    

A second day of this ridiculous crap? It's hard to believe that this old codger is on trial for "attacking" an obnoxious jerk with all the force of a powder puff.

2331 days ago
22.

omofmom    

This Eurotrashes english is just fine. He knows "old" and "fat" and "money"

Thats all you need to know right?

This guys is a tard.

2331 days ago
23.

Sharona    

I don't undstand why you have to keep referring to him as A-Hole. Do you think that is cute? He hasn't harmed you in any way. He should have been the total crap out of that pap.

2331 days ago
24.

Marie    

How terrible to treat old people like this.
Disgusting!

2331 days ago
25.

carol    

Who is buying his lunches all the time at THE IVY. Seems to have money to be out and about all the time. Who buys those cigars? Methinks he is holding out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2331 days ago
26.

Bubblebunny    

Sthop pickink on me, Tee Emp See ! I ahm importunt to you ! Bee sites, I luff dee achtung ! (Attention.)

2331 days ago
27.

Bob    

This court room freak show is hilarious! Keep it up TMZ. I hope Zsa Zsa rolls in and starts shooting up the place starting with the big Ahole himself. What a free loader!

2331 days ago
28.

Sandy    

Why does TMZ keep covering a bunch of nobodies? I've never even HEARD of half the people you report on! And the reports are so irrelevant.

2331 days ago
29.

pls    

Why you guys being so mean to him, any other time your trying to get in his face to ask goofy questions on a slow day or go for a ride with him. Leave the guy alone the pap deserved it for what he did and said, the guy does protect his wife and you have to repect him for that.

2331 days ago
30.

pissed!!    

thanks pls, thats all i'm trying to say! :)

2331 days ago
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