This Week's Biggest Losers 02/24/2007

2/24/2007 5:02 AM PST

This Week's Biggest Losers 02/24/2007

For some lucky celebs, this weekend is all about Oscar parties and a trip to the exclusive Beverly Hills "branding retreat" known as Soho House to grab some swag. But here at the Z List, we prefer to focus on those clanging around the "So-Low House."

Britney Spears: She looks like Sinead O'Connor, and yes, as we watch the tattooed tantrums and ongoing game of rehab musical chairs, we can't help but hum along to "Nothing Compares to You" as the soundtrack. And what's with the aversion to body hair? First, it was shorn down low, then up high. Does this mean we can soon expect a frenzied waxing of the armpits, perhaps with the help of some unsuspecting Malibu surfers? Not so long ago, we were all having great fun at the expense of K-Fed. But it's now time to officially dub Britney "H-Thread," as in hanging by a thread.

Anna Nicole Smith: When the DNA-challenged sycophants you left behind look like they belong not in a Florida courtroom, but on the stage of "The Jerry Springer Show," and you, at this point, still don't have a grave in which to roll over, life in the Bahamian great beyond must feel like an E! reality show. It's been a real-life double D soap opera, with sky-high ratings that would have made even the late Aaron Spelling jealous. But the cliffhanger here is, of course, not who shot J.R. -- it's who fathered Dannielynn.

David Geffen: It just keeps getting more embarrassing for the Broadway billionaire. Over here, it's former Supreme Mary Wilson, bemoaning the fact that even though "Dreamgirls" appears to have been based on her life, it's the kind of non-compensated love that leaves an itching in her heart. Over there, it's Dreamworks -- via full-page ads in the Hollywood trades -- apologizing for any inference that the fictional character of Curtis Taylor Jr. (played by Jamie Foxx) was trying to drown Motown founder Berry Gordy in the tears of a clown. Jennifer Hudson is still a lock for Best Supporting Actress, but the way things are going, Geffen should prepare himself for Monday morning complaints about how all those darned Dreamgirls musical numbers dragged down the Oscar telecast.

Barbara Walters: On the plus side, she's become a great kibbitzing guest on "The Late Show with David Letterman." On the minus side, her view this Oscar weekend is a little less rosy now that ABC, prior to her annual special this Sunday, has broadcast a similar program last night hosted by Oprah. The latter even appears to have one-upped Babs on the format front, getting stars to interview each other. And scoop-wise, Walters will have a hard time competing with Julia Roberts and Brad Pitt getting George Clooney to admit he had his eyes done. Even if it was just another deadpan Clooney joke.

Renée Zellweger: Despite country singer Kenny Chesney's insistence on "60 Minutes" that the end of his marriage to the Oscar winner had nothing to do with "fraud" (the reason listed on their annulment papers), his failure to more precisely disclose what really caused their seven-month itch did nothing for Zellweger's personal profile. Adding insult to Tennessee's was a lovey-dovey quote in USA Today this week from fellow December break-up beau Jim Carrey ("I'm more ready to be loved than I have been in my life"). Forget about all the things that add up to Carrey's beloved number 23; in Zellweger's case, the black numerical mark is 27, as in December 7 (date of break-up with fiancé Jimbo) + December 20 (date the Chesney music stopped).