Madge Wants No Mercy from Africa

8/14/2008 7:12 AM PDT

Madge Wants No Mercy from Africa

OK, all together now: Madonna is not, repeat not, adding another African baby to her Kabbalabrood.

The tabs were poppin' yesterday that Madge had become mama to a little girl from Malawi, a three-year-old girl named Mercy James. A Malawian adoption minister was quoted in a Brit paper saying that Madge's people were visiting the girl. "Madonna has not made an attempt to adopt this baby earlier this year or now," said Madonna's mouthpiece to Us.

But let's review – didn't she say the same thing about David Banda way back when? We'd keep an eye on this one.

So Was It Jen Who Dropped the Ax?

Not since the Warren Commission have there been so many conspiracy theories bandied about.

And if it wasn't the dog Norman that broke up Jen Aniston and John Mayer, then perhaps it was Jen that pulled the trigger on the pairing. "She finds him funny, sexy, and very talented," says an Aniston pal to the Chicago Sun-Times. But in the end, Jen wanted "stability and loyalty" in a relationship, and so it had to end with JM.

Yesterday, we tried to suss out how Johnnifer went to the dogs.

K-Fed Feasting His Eyes on a New Brit

It worked out pretty well for him the first time, so could Kevin Federline be hunting for another Britney?

Federleeze was at Coco de Ville the other night, reports the New York Post, and was caught "staring at Brittny Gastineau while she was waiting in line for the bathroom" – always the most attractive image of a woman. But even after the vowel-challenged sublebrity did her thing, K-Fed "wouldn't stop checking her out, up and down."

Too bad for the Fedz: Apparently she wasn't interested.

Party Favors: Someone Actually Wants Affleck's Sweaty Suit ... Southfork Ranch Revived ... Julia Child Was a Spy

Somewhere, clearly, the economy is not in the crapper: A guy with way too much money bought the suit that Ben Affleck wore in "Daredevil" for $60,000 on No word on whether the stench of suckiness was removed from the suit before sale. ... J.R., Sue Ellen, Bobby, and the rest of the Ewing clan will be getting together in November for a reunion celebrating the 30th anniversary of the show. ... Julia Child worked for the OSS, as we all know, and in her application for the job, as newly-released files reveal, she was worried about her "impulsiveness."