Madge Wants No Mercy from Africa

OK, all together now: Madonna is not, repeat not, adding another African baby to her Kabbalabrood.

The tabs were poppin' yesterday that Madge had become mama to a little girl from Malawi, a three-year-old girl named Mercy James. A Malawian adoption minister was quoted in a Brit paper saying that Madge's people were visiting the girl. "Madonna has not made an attempt to adopt this baby earlier this year or now," said Madonna's mouthpiece to Us.

But let's review – didn't she say the same thing about David Banda way back when? We'd keep an eye on this one.

Not since the Warren Commission have there been so many conspiracy theories bandied about.

And if it wasn't the dog Norman that broke up Jen Aniston and John Mayer, then perhaps it was Jen that pulled the trigger on the pairing. "She finds him funny, sexy, and very talented," says an Aniston pal to the Chicago Sun-Times. But in the end, Jen wanted "stability and loyalty" in a relationship, and so it had to end with JM.

Yesterday, we tried to suss out how Johnnifer went to the dogs.

It worked out pretty well for him the first time, so could Kevin Federline be hunting for another Britney?

Federleeze was at Coco de Ville the other night, reports the New York Post, and was caught "staring at Brittny Gastineau while she was waiting in line for the bathroom" – always the most attractive image of a woman. But even after the vowel-challenged sublebrity did her thing, K-Fed "wouldn't stop checking her out, up and down."

Too bad for the Fedz: Apparently she wasn't interested.